Anger Management

What is Anger?

Ever wondered what it feels like to be letting your anger loose? According to Diane Schilling* Repressing anger - keeping it bottled up inside - can cause headaches, back pain, nausea, or other symptoms. However, using 'letting it out' theory as a licence to get angry is just as dangerous and lead to repercussions like Coronary Heart Disease and sudden death.

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

*Dianne Schilling is a San Diego-based writer, editor and instructional designer who specializes in the development of educational publications and customized training programs for business and industry. She is a founding partner in womensmedia.com.



Is it due to Hormones?

Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam,1995) reasons that threats to life, security, and self-esteem trigger a two-part limbic surge: First, hormones called catecholamines are released, generating a rush of energy that lasts for minutes. Second, an adrenocortical arousal is created that can put you on edge and keep you there for hours, sometimes days. This explains why you are more likely to erupt in anger over something relatively innocuous if the incident is preceded by an earlier upsetting experience. Though the two events may be completely unrelated, the anger generated by the second incident builds on the anger left over from the first.

It means people who can't 'let go' of the anger generated from an earlier incident is more likely to erupt over any incident - even small ones - happening at a later stage.

On an additional note, genes can play a small factor of influence where babies can be born more easily irritable than others and these signs are usually present from a very early age.

What about social culture?

Certain tribal cultures advocate anger not necessarily as a form of behavior but rather as a tool for survival. Ironically, a competitive society is more prone to encouraging subconcious forms of anger even despite literature and music being prominent forms of culture. Subconsiously, angry people demand things. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires.

For your information - Singapore is a very competitive society, derive your own conclusions.

What types of angry people are there?

The Sulker
They pout, refuse to speak & lock themselves in their office. Everyone wastes time and energy tiptoeing around them until they snap out of it. They expect colleagues to pamper their wounded egos and coax them back into a cheerful mood. The problem is that employees get tired of this game and end up viewing the them as a little kid who doesn't deserve their respect.

The Bully
He will embarrass you in public and then accuse you of having thin skin. If you tick him/her off, he/she will punish you with a nasty project or a poor review. These intimidation tactics work on some people but not for long.

The Victim
"How could my colleagues be so ungrateful after everything I’ve done for them? After all, I bought them all turkeys for Christmas, made them coffee when they ask…" This colelague expects rewards and praises because of the "sacrifices" he or she makes for them. The problem is that they attempt to manipulate with motherly guilt and it usually backfires. Following that they might revert to either The Bully or The Sulker[see above]

The Screamer
As the curses fly and doors slam, employees scurry to their cubicles and duck out of sight. Once the dust settles, the Screamer feels much better but unfortunately, everyone else feels worse. These stress carriers pass their stress on to others in ways they would never do to their bosses. "Oh, I just lose my cool," they explain. "It’s no big deal." The problem is that it is a big deal and it has a nasty physiological and psychological affect on everyone around them.

The Sarcastic Stabber
As the tension mounts, the barbs get nastier. Stomachs twist and everyone wants to slink under the desk when the sarcasm starts flying. These insults can be faster than a speeding bullet and just as deadly. The problem is that no one wants to make a mistake that will put him or her in the line of fire. So, rather than improve mistakes, people get so nervous they tend to make more of them…or hide them from view and hope for the best.

The Hulk
When this guy gets mad you’d better duck. Papers fly, waste baskets are kicked across the room and fists are slammed on the table. Not only is this scary behavior, it’s counterproductive. No one can think straight for hours and, rational or not, people will fear that this temper could be turned on them. No one will remember what he was angry about, but they surely will remember the vivid visual display for months to come.

The Blamer
They think the only solution to a problem is to hunt down the guilty party and make sure they never do it again. The problem is that blame is a misguided notion. People don’t get up in the morning and say, "I think I’ll make a couple of mistakes today." Mistakes are usually caused by lack of information coupled with good intentions. Blame achieves nothing except to damper the person with the good intentions making them thinks twice about wanting to do similar actions in future.

What are some ways to handle anger then?

Joan Lloyd` uses a theory called the duck paddle. Even when you’re paddling like hell underneath, you need to stay unruffled on the surface. Focus on the problem and direct your energy toward a solution. Take out your anger at the gym, not on those around you. On a personal note, I channel my stress accumulated at work as energy to dance away at my studio. Trust me, it works wonders.

`Joan Lloyd's firm, Joan Lloyd & Associates, specializes in leadership development, organizational change and teambuilding. This includes executive coaching, 360-degree feedback processes, customized leadership training, conflict resolution between teams or individuals, internal consulting skills training for HR professionals and retreat facilitation.

Joan Lloyd has earned her C.S.P. (Certified Speaking Professional) designation from the National Speakers Association and speaks to corporate audiences, as well as trade & professional associations across the country. She is also the author of The Career Decisions Planner -- When to Move, When to Stay, When to Go Out on Your Own (John Wiley & Sons, New York), and many other booklets and audio and video programs now in use by some of the best-known companies in America.


Relaxation

The American Psychological Association credits simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, to help calm angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.


Some simple steps you can try:

Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.


Communication Restructing

Anger usually involves negative forms of expression so you can actually learn to use more positive words like "I'll give it a try" instead of just saying "No I don't think I can do this." Angry people are especially prone to exaggerated and over dramatic gestures or thoughts so it is important to either give yourself 10-15 seconds to stop still and rationalise or seek another person who can use a neutral perspective to rationalise things out as well.


Laughter is the best medicine

Humour can be a very effective way to defuse building amounts of anger. A colleague of mine once tried this method - When she feels angry she goes to the skating rink near her residence and simply giggles at people attempting to skate. Now this is may not be the best method but simply staying there for about 20 minutes either giggling at people who are new to skating or even admiring the graceful skaters helped her to rationalise better. Not sure if the cold temperature helped though.


Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. For myself, when the stress at work gets unbearable at times I simply take a very light lunch of salad and fruits and get a short nap of 40-50 minutes instead. Then awaken to wash my face throughly, it helps as well.



One last note - Anger can never be eliminated but it can be tackled and controlled within your own limits. Often we get angry for causes we want to feel justified about but we often neglect the purpose we start out to accomplish in the first place. Anger often replaces irrational thoughts with rational ones namely impatience, stubborness and impulsiveness/recklessness. If the problem is in your face directly just take one or two steps back to look at how high the wall is. If it beyond your jumping height then seek help like look for a chair to stand on or even see if there's some way to go around the wall instead of just attempting to climb right over it.