Memories

I have NO IDEA why my post suddenly disappeared.. I typed out a nice long post depicting my thoughts and when I highlighted scrolled down the ENTIRE post disappeared!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Fine, I will try to recollect what I typed about an hour back. *Huff* This is absolutely IRRITATING!

I received news about YY [My Ex] yesterday. Seems that she has a new boyfriend. I'm happy for her but can't help feeling sad at the same time. Wanted to find someone to talk to but didn't know where to start. Headed down to the studio after work for my practise. When the music started I grooved and bounced to the beats of Machi and Ludacris, 2 hours later I was feeling much better. Though I still wanted to find someone to just talk and the next thing I knew Mr J messaged me saying he's bored. God!! Talk about unnecessary coincidences! I need someone to talk to! Not listen to someone rambling to me!! Ignored his SMS, he didn't sms a second time so I guessed he's found someone else to ramble to. Bad Company anyway, a magnet to trouble. Only thing that made me listen to him in the past was the fact that we were pretty close during JC days and managed to stay in contact for the past 8 years. 1-2 years back he started his path of self-destruction & none of us could pull him back. I tried and tried till I got so tired but he wouldn't listen. You see, he doesn't listen to advice. He only wants someone to listen to him complain, complain & complain, blah blah blah but he doesn't really do anything about it! Wait, I was supposed to be talking about YY. Heck, to hell with that b*tch. I just hope she treasures her new partner more.

Well since we're on the topic of memories I might as well just pour some old memories out. I've made some new friends and lost a few old friends. To me, nothing is more painful than acknowledging the fact that some friends are worth keeping while some friends [which you thought they were your friends] are just plain making use of you. Trusting is a inborn nature of mine and while it made me new good friends amongst people whom I didn't realise were such nice people, it gave some other people opportunities to take advantage of me. I do not regret my actions despite the nature, I only feel sad when the people whom I've done the thing for had another motive in mind. While I'm trusting by nature, my subsequent decisions can be pretty quick and decisive. At least, I made the decision to stop helping 2 friends - One from JC days and another from National Service days. Let us call them Mr J [JC days] and Mr E [army days].

Mr J and I were not very close during JC days actually, we became closer after he was admitted into a local University and we shared lots of good memories like doing part-time jobs together, fooling around in a big group, etc. The typical carefree, student days. After he graduated.. I wont elaborate too much let's just say he set up his own business and it almost ate into his entire social life. I was among the few he chose to keep in contact with. I ever asked him why, says amongst the people he knows I am one of the few who makes him feel comfortable and approachable. Started calling me like 1am? Just to ask me out for coffee? Well he had LOTS of troubles to confide with. Trouble began when he started drinking and hanging out at nightspots to "drown his sorrows away" AND naive me was accompanying thinking he needed someone to look out for. Slowly I realised no amount of persuasion and confiding can change him. At least, he needs to be willing to change first. I still call on him once in a blue moon just to check out how he's doing, last time I heard from him he's having difficulty with his business and emotionally involved with a waitress from some pub. Sigh~

Now Mr E is relatively easier to describe because he's got a bad temper, impatient, gets involved in fights, unable to hold a job for long, always in debt, spendthrift and a compulsive gambler. The reason why he became my friend was the fact that we used to share a common weekend activity - Clubbing. Yes I do admit that I used to club a lot and get drunk pretty often. It seems strange though 'cause now as I look back I still cant figure out the reason I drank, smoke and club so much. Like.. 4 times a week? Different venues though. Those were the army days. I was an administrative clerk and he was a sentry guard. On our off days we'd go clubbing so.. you get the point. Through the years he was drifting from job to job losing the new job as fast as his previous job because of his bad temper. Things went beyond the boiling point when he started compulsive gambling and when he lost, he vented his frustrations on friends. THAT is something which I am throughly intolerant of. Communications cut and mobile numbers deleted, the last time he saw me I simply smiled waved and walked away. I think he got the message because he did not call back to ask why.

But I'm grateful for some of my close friends from my school, my dance studio and old, old friends from my JC & Secondary School. *Ahem* You know who you are so dun bother to act blur. Huh.

I'll be preparing for a Corporate Retreat cum Training this weekend at Pasir Ris. It'll start @ Saturday 1:30pm till Sunday 6pm. Heck, wat kind of training would we need that makes us stay overnight?? Oh well, at least this is the first time I'm receiving Corporate training with colleagues on a more.. informal level. Not to mention I'm also having jazz conditioning this Saturday morning @ NUS studio. *Groan* Hope I'll have enough energy left to play whatever games that this Retreat has planned for us.

Hey Guys, I am so sorry this post turned out to be a long rant. Somethin else I wanna tell you guys.. I had verrryyyy nice mooncakes yesterday. Guess where they're from?