La voix de l'Inarticulé

Farewell

2007-06-17T00:39:00.000+08:00

It's been a pretty long journey and I'm at a turning point of my life.

Perhaps its a transitional phase im goin through

Perhaps its the 30th Birthday thing

Perhaps its jus an accumulation of things i have seen and been through to think i need to restructure my life.

Well, whichever reason it is - I'm embarking on a new journey.

Farewell my friends to all who had been faithfully reading.

I'll see u guys around.

Just a quote I had thought of when I was walkin home one day.

"The World is a stage for my chereography."

Sounds pretty arrogant huh? Haha.

Fatigue, Continue.

2007-04-22T20:11:00.000+08:00

Tired seems to be common phrase that is buzzing around my ears recently. I strongly credit the sudden promotion of the usage of this word to the upcoming NYP Musical which is due to kick off this coming friday.

Perhaps in a good sense I cant see the opening show on Friday for I have to give make-up tuition lessons to my Pri 2 kid for his upcoming Maths Exam on 8th May. Besides, most people I know are also going to watch the Saturday show so we can all celebrate properly after the musical. I can only pray for all of the performers that they will maintain their best of health so that this musical will be a great success for all of them. So much hard work, so much tears. There were a few times when I did feel a slight pang of regret that I cannot share this burden with them but I guess being there as a supportive audience is the best I can do for now.

As of my current state now I am also nursing a 39 degrees fever. I do believe it will do go down in a matter of hours after taking that panadol but it still feels odd to blog in this light-headed state of mind. I can't even be sure if I will remain coherent a while later when the drug effect kicks in and I start to roll my eyeballs and sway in my vision. Ever wondered how its like to continue blogging in a state when you are concious of yourself slowly losing conciousness and still struggle to finish up what you need to do? It's not the same as struggling to stay awake because staying awake simply requires a jolt to the body like a loud noise or an action like hitting your arm real hard so your brain registers an electric shock [somethin like that] and transmits new brainwaves to awaken the slowly deteriorating muscles. Kinda bio I suddenly sound. Hmmm, maybe the drug is starting to take effect and I am now just penning down whatever comes to mind. Funny thing is - I'm still concious and I'm definitely not just prattling off some inane nonsensical gibberish which will just seek to create a loss of interest in continued reading.

Ok perhaps this direction is goin off-track. I do realise this sickness is an accumulation of past months of continous working on weekdays and some weekends as well. Not in the sense I stay in the office all day but I would burn my weekends just doing research for upcoming projects on my weekends just so that I can improve my product knowledge by a tremendous pace so that I can stabilise myself into the role as soon as possible. The results have finally started to show but so too are there results of fatigue being converted into sickness for my health. Felt a bit weird in tango today but I set down my determination and focused for just that 2 hours. I can only remember Yeeshan's words in my head," I have to want to perform."

When I heard his short comment of saying I have improved my heart leaped. To hear his short sentence of praise I know it does not come easy because Yeeshan is never easy-going on compliments. I only wish I could find enough time to re-train myself properly in jazz and lyrical hiphop when my project really stabilises. Seeing the SA auditions for the new batch of juniors last saturday just made me feel that most of them do not know how lucky they to receive a structured training syllabus which will guarantee results although they have to learn to combat stress first.

But I see good hopes for this new batch of juniors. Some of them already display energy when doing Peter's jazz chereo. Something which is not easy considering their age or amount of experience to proper jazz chereo.

Sigh. Time to continue with my rest. My brain is slowly sinking into oblivion.

Roads. Crossroads.

2007-04-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

As I contemplate over the latest product information that I have received with regards to my newest project, my mind drifted unconciously back to my last tango practise. It was.. enjoyable. Though I did feel mildly embarrased that I could not stop perspiring. My partner was concerned and consoled me because she thought that I was feeling very stressed.

Truth is. I could not stop holding my breath because of my posture and its making me feel uncomfortable. Ah well, the ills of having too much to "spill" out just beneath my chest. Means I have to hold my breath to hold my tummy up silly.

Guess I have to find some way to either breathe as I dance or I just have to find some way to hold up my framework like switching on some kitchen light. Just a simple flick and its done.

My Convocation is this friday and I have just collected my graduation gown today. Thousands of thoughts flashed across my mind when I stood there while the boutique studio lady dressed me up properly with the graduation gown so that I can confirm that the size is fitting. The fact is - it fits to a T. Standing there, looking at myself in the mirror - How time flies. 4 years. Since I first embarked on this long and almost never ending journey of struggling for my studies at night while I work in the daytime. Not to mention the initial years of my studies I was basically maintaing a balance of clearing my bank loan debts [which I incurred during my 2 yrs of studies in NUS and that... is another story], tryin to accommodate a girlfriend who simply siphons off whatever financial means I could barely afford. Makes me wonder how did I survive that initial 1yr plus anyway.

No matter, the thanks I have to give to her though was that I learnt to spend really little on myself. Which subsequently cultivated a very specific spending lifestyle which helped me pull through the undergrad years and even saved enough to accommodate my final yr of degree studies on a full-time basis.

The point is - as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror a sudden sadness whelmed up inside me. For that fleeting moment I resisted the impulse to release the tears and simply shout out," I've finally done it!" I stood in silence for quite a while.. the stillness of the air-conditioning creating a sudden increase in the pressure of the surroundings. The boutique studio lady - Alice is her name - stood by my side sheepishly while she enquired gently,"Do you feel that it fits?"

I smiled. Swiped the card. Collected the gown and left. High Spirits.

Back in the office after work hours today my colleagues gathered in a small commotion congratulating me with beaming smiles and gentle cheers. I guess it's been awhile since they had some excuse to 'celebrate' something.. anything. The unexpected amount of attention I received caused a slight blush which only prompted them to tease me further. Making me put on the gown despite my clumsiness. Using the camera installed inside the mobile phones, proceeded to take snapshot of me.

I almost felt like some mannequin being parodied on a runaway.

As I left the office, my pace slowed to a stroll. My mind pondered over my past, present and the future. Of who, what, where and why. Of the times when I just wanted to take a holiday and get away from it all. Of the times where I simply didnt have a care in the world. I missed those times. To be truthful, I haven't had a holiday for at least 4yrs. And this holiday just wont happen anytime soon because I'm so close to stabilising my current job. This project has to take off successfully if I want to have sufficient free time for myself in the near future. As what the direct translation of the chinese saying goes,"Better to experience the initial bitterness and savour the sweet aftermath."

As I reached left the pedestrian path and walked out to the main road, I stood at the crossroads. Pondering.

Boarded a cab. With a smile stretching my lips from left to right. The lingering of a sweet aftermath.

Life. Has just begun. My road. My path.

One. Two.

2007-03-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

One comment to bring apart two sides of me
One of denial and refusal
One of torment and turmoil

Two sides to debate
Two sides to squabble
Two sides of being inconsiderate
Two sides to juggle

Come what may they say
It helps to make you feel better
So I chose to walk this way
and keep my emotions at bay

So why does his comments disturb me?
Despite my self-determined distance?
Pricks and bleeds
Hurts indeed

A silent scream rips my throat
Gushes out a ruby wave
Eyes glazed with liquid fire
Pouring out from hollowed caves

Tries to resist the muscle
stops in my tracks
A shift of the back
to conceal the vexed

I chose this path
Upon which I walk
For now none shall waylay
or even so much as to mock

For swift shall be my defense
If restraints are not contained
Come what may they say
but alas, so many things. so gray.

Dual Intricacies

2007-03-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how I finally sat down in front of my laptop [yes I have written off my PC at zero disposal value] and decided I will update my blog after such a long hiatus.

Basically my previous desktop is sitting in a small corner of my room jus waiting for bugs and moss to create a new habitat. Ok forget the bugs, I swear no bugs will come because I will personally ensure the cleanliness. Heaven forbid I come back one and find a cockroach crawling out of the PC. *Shudders*

Much of my absence had been attributed to my sudden fervor in my work. My Boss apparently thinks highly of me. I guess partly on my side is my determination after a month of careful consideration about what I need to plan for my next 5-10 years of my career path. A decision was made therefore to attribute the next 5-10 yrs in permanently etching my presence in the world of IT-related marketing campaigns. Countless weekends had been burnt just for me to do research readings and understanding on IT products and the different companies which employs them right up to the different comparisons and how it relates to the marketing strategies they employ to showcase their strengths and low-profile their weaknesses.

Alrite, this blog is not to further enhance my current addiction to my work.

Apologies guys if my recent absence had been felt but no action taken for remedy. I miss you guys too trust me. Very much. To the extent the feeling of loneliness seeps in whenever I receive a praise from the Boss or client at the end of the day and I just wish I could relate this happiness to you guys but not making you guys confused at the same time or miscommunicating my pride in my work as an indirect attempt to show off my what-so-not-significant achievements. Nah, I know its a feeble achievement but the feelings relate to a baby that had just achieved its first step. Unsteady in knowing what to feel just knowing that someone had been giving smiles and praise and somehow oneself had done something great. Unfortunately, its not like this baby here can just share its uncertain happiness with another baby right?

Club Crawl is coming fast and hard. All of my heart yearns to perform for this event together with DanZ InC. My Convocation happens to fall on the friday just the week before. In short, 13th April is my Convo and the following 18th & 19th April is NYP Club Crawl. Gonna have to talk to my Boss about me applying for almost 4 days of leave in one shot because he has approached me to take on this project for a IT Company which is gonna last for a yr. Most projects do not stretch more than 2-3mths max but a yr... it sounds big just from the timeframe alone. Him putting me in charge of this shows his level of confidence of me. How could I reject? But the same fact applies if I take up this project my commitment to dance will be severely affected because all the more I cannot allow this project to be done badly in my hands. A brother of mine in dance had told me before if he had to choose in my shoes he would choose the career because its a logical and practical choice. So its down to the war of choices between the head and the heart. Sigh.

A recent close friend's ROM made me reflect slightly on how my personal life had progressed. I realised that many times I do miss my ex-girlfriend. However, I question my own feelings in the sense do I miss her because I am not over her? Or simply because I am feeling lonely and simply yearn for her company? As of right now I do not have an answer to my queries and therefore until I can sort my own feelings clearly I will not bow to the pressures of loneliness. I would rather suffer the coldness of being alone than suffer the partner who accompanies so that I can satisfy my own desires.

Hurray, it does feel refreshing to pour out my thoughts after bottling it for the past few mths. I'm glad you guys missed my blog. Kinda makes me feel that you guys miss me too. O K A Y tat almost sounded gay. LOL.

Till then, carpe diem.

Yesterday. Tomorrow.

2007-01-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

It has been really some time since I have updated this blog. I guess we're all subjected to tendencies of being too caught up in self-fulfilling acts of priorities every now and then. What is meant in simple terms means - I'm just too busy at times.

A quick look back at the past times I had gone through with Danz InC [which was often referred to as StageArts Dance] and I would think back on the times when I was still more carefree where it was shuttling between SIM and NYP. Times didn't seem so bad because it was just from one institution to another. The environment didn't seem to be that different although the study crowd might seem to be more mature in terms of dressing for the students at SIM. Trust me, some of the people you see in SIM dress like they're already prepared to go for a fashion shoot any moment. I'm not sure maybe it's just me singling out the people who tend to dress to get noticed.

The working environment that I'm currently based at however has a world of difference when I step out of that company and fly down to NYP for training sessions on tuesdays and thursdays. My current colleagues are pretty decent people and my big boss seems to have a good impression of me - for now. I'm not sure of his exact reasons for him being nice to me but I will ask this from him when I do my performance appraisal with him [which is due very soon] because my probationary period of 3 months is comin to an end and if I have performed as expected of the level of commitment then a confirmation into my new post with a pay raise [hopefully one of much more than originally expected hehe] would be of much sweetness.

The past week had been pretty uptight for a lot of Danz InC dancers I believe, with the Open House performances and the Hiphop Hunt. Not to mention we have a few people who are crossed members of the NYP Ballroom Dance Club called Le Ballroom En Masse as well. So we have people who are rushing for quick changes which to me is almost a demonstration of just quick people can be when attempting to slip into a costume which is almost a totally different one from the previous item. Think - to change from a salsa costume into a hiphop locking costume. Zelia - I applaud you. At least it ended on a good note with good performances, great crowd support [especially during the Hiphop Hunt where the crowd was just "wow-ing" at the senior team]. Sigh. Yes guys I'm proud of you all indeed. I'm sure we'll have other chances to compete together again.

The sudden news of a colleague who used to be my supervisor when I first started with this company is now leaving. The news had left me rather saddened because she was really nice to me when I first came to this company. Kinda wishy-washy and not very serious about what I am doing. Allowing me to take leave whenever I wanted to even though I didn't have a concrete reason, the last thing I knew was I didn't do a good job for the project that she was entrusted with. However, the boss and the client was surprisingly happy with the results I produced which did kinda left me rather confused about whether did I really do a bad job or what. Anyway, shortly after the project I was selected to go for an interview with one of this company's client called AutoDesk. That client seemed rather interested in what I had done for my Supervisor's project and wanted to hire me to be based as in-house telemarketeer. A pilot project that promises unknown opportunities and to become a full-fledged Call Centre Team Leader in the near future should the project take off. Yes, the catch is Should.

This current company wasted no time and offered me the terms of a permanent position instead. I knew that the terms that this Company were slightly lower than perhaps what AutoDesk could have offered but I took up the position as Project Team Leader with this company too because they're in the midst of expanding rapidly and they too can offer opportunities of an unknown scale as well. Perhaps delving into actual process management as well. As under such consideration - I accepted their current offer and threw myself into the work. And now - the performance appraisal looms near and this perhaps will determine just how am I viewed in terms of work performance in the corporate sector when previously my work standards were judged according to the Civil Service Sector. Cross my heart and hope to die, I can't wait for Wednesday to arrive.

Tomorrow my new biggest and most intensive project starts.
Tomorrow I shall receive my actual UOL Degree Certificate from RELC.
Tomorrow I shall have some time to go shopping.
Tomorrow I shall receive my pay cheque.
Tomorrow I shall be able to reach the NYP Dance Studio by 6pm plus.
Tomorrow - is going to be a hell of an exciting day.

Wish me Luck.

Venus. Mars.

2007-01-04T13:35:00.000+08:00

Nursing a leg injury must made my mind wander unnecessarily these few days for I am actually feelin rather.. affected after I have read a posting from an old friend of mine.

Please pardon me if I am not very good at explaining certain matters but I believe sometimes the best explanation is done when the raw facts are presented and the interpretation left to the freedom of the viewer.

So here it is -

When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you..

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a
few minutes, he means it

When a guy stares at you, he wishes you
would care about him and wonders if you do

When you're laying your head on a guy's
chest, he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday,
he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he loves
you, he means it

When a guy says he can't live without
you, he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you, "
he misses you more than you could have
ever missed him or anything else

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When a girl bumps into your arm
while walking she wants
you to hold her hand

When she wants a hug
she will just stand there

When u break a girls heart,
she still feels it when
u run into each other 3 years later

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through
her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes
full of questions, she is wondering
how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine, "
after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so
wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your
chest, she is wishing for you to be
hers forever.

When a girl says that she can't live
without you, she has made up her mind
that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you, "
no one in this world can miss you more
than that

When a girl is mean to you after a
breakup she wants you back, but she's
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever

Are we just really so different?

Needed. Wanted.

2006-12-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

"This is the way I work - When you do not want me but need me I will not go. When you want me but do not need me, that is when I must go."

The words of Nanny McPhee echoes in loops of echoes resounding within my head. How much of truth is not important, what is important is - What do we make of needs and wants?

A need is something that must be around? Like the daily basic necessities?
A want is a term commonly catalogued for desires? Like the indulgive luxury?

What then do we make of needs that becomes a want? Under what circumstances does a need become a want?

When we begin to take someone who had been always around with us helping us with matters big or small, through the hard and cold times, for granted.

A matter of soul searching led my shuffling feet into the earthen box with a green light that reads, "Priest available"

"Bless me Father for I have sinned, I am not a regular church goer because I cannot find it within myself to stick to routines. I do not spend enough time with my family when they needed me and I do not contact old friends whom had stayed by me in the past when I had undergone depression."

"My child, it is good that you are willing to conduct this self-imposed matter of soul searching at this time of the year. Come find me again at your disposal should you wish to tell me more."

As I knelt in front of the statue that symbolises the very foundation of my beliefs in my religion, I questioned my very inner thoughts and asked myself,"How much of what I seek is what I want?" Can it be possible that my needs are mostly just.. wants? Like the uncurbed spending of the past 2 months. Majority - Clothes. Do I really "need" all of them? Yes of course! That's the thought I had been telling myself [unconciously] that I "needed" that jacket, that pair of shoes, that pair of track pants..

And so Christmas has come and passed, with a toned celebration at Zelia's house comprising of simple food and simple chatter. Funny thing is - I enjoyed the simple fanfare tremendously. There was a round of gift exchange - speaking of which I felt really guilty because as I stepped into the office on the 22nd Dec (Friday) colleagues were going all round giving and exchanging gifts. This is the first time that I had experienced what it feels like to work in a small company. I hear part-timers complain that the job sucks. Well, maybe that's because they were not involved in the larger section of the backstage management where the actual bonding happens. Simple gifts were passed to me from different colleagues which I could only constantly mutter "thanks" because there was nothing else I could do at the moment.

Even the annual countdown was passed me by amidst the quieter atmosphere of Lau Pa Sat. The rest of the group surged out onto the streets when the fireworks sounded to mark the beginning of a new year. Me? I was waiting patiently for the food I ordered to arrive. So when the group came back I greeted them with a simple feast that was meant as a gift to welcome in the new year. Guess I didn't need fireworks anymore, I needed something more tangible to mark a celebration. Food it seems, was the most obvious choice.

Gained about 2 kg from all the constant feasting during the holiday seasons. Normal circumstances would have seen me possibly groan and moan in agony because it would take more hard work to re-tone back the excess baggage but this time, it didn't matter.

Because I enjoyed every single moment of the feasting.

Amidst the great company that I have.

Drooping

2006-12-11T10:58:00.000+08:00

I am beginning to lose counts of how many times I have closed my eyes for short, quick periods of napping. Make that really short periods of naps like.. 10 seconds? My colleagues caught me in action for a few times and cautioned me to find some alternative to remedy the situation. Maybe I should start considering getting myself addicted to coffee as well. Seems that Lunch napping hours are beginning to be insufficient as well. In the first place they wouldn't really be effective for early mornin hours as I still have to struggle to keep myself awake till the lunch hours before I get some deserved rest for my dying brain cells.

Events and Celebrations are comin up fast and furious [pls don't remind me of the Teriyaki Boyz song, I'll commit murder without hesitation] and so is the festive mood for everyone. My Company is having an extended lunch break this comin thursday. Seems like this carolling group for a home called GraceHaven will be putting up a short performance for us on thursday 11:30am and after the performance we'll be having a potluck session as well. Hmmm, I have volunteered to bring otah for the whole group of company's perm staff. At least it sounds like I don't have to bleed from this potluck. A certain colleague volunteered to bring chicken wings and nuggets. My God. Good luck if you're not plannin to cook or fry them yourself.

In addition, seems that word has somehow spread amongst my colleagues about my dance background and now I have an all-guys team on my hands which I have to chereo a hiphop routine and let them perform on our Christmas cum Dinner & Dance Night on the 22nd December. My God [yes yes again I know] this is ridiculous. What do they expect me to do? Throw a song and just let them stand there and shake? These are guys who have no clue on how to even move properly and I only have like 10 days to get them to learn and remember steps and perform? Argggghhhh. Somebody just pass me a knife I'll perform the Japanese act of Hari-Kiri.

I am not lamenting about the lack of routines or steps that I can come up with for the performance's chereography. I'm worried about how to teach them. Like I said how do you teach someone to "bounce" in like.. 5 sessions? And I'm not talkin about other real basic stuff like asking them to show strength when dancing.. Sigh. *Covers face in hands* Should not have said yes when the Big Boss shot me this arrow to implement this item. I'm already scratching my brains inside out on even what song to use to perform. There's no way I can use a fast song because they won't be able to keep up with the tempo. Tell me please someone, how do you use a medium to a slow speed song to come up with simple but nice moves that does not require any or very little techniques to perform perhaps a 2min song? *Screams in agony*

I'm also surprised my brain is able to load so many different chereographies till now.. Hiphop [for SA and Jitterbugs.. oh and one for myself as well], Jazz [SA], Waltz.. V Waltz.. Salsa.. Rock & Roll.. [under Ballroom]. Oh yeah, surprise! Project Dance NYP has just been formalised into a club! Its called... Le Ballroom En Masse I think.. some french name which I have no idea how to spell it properly nor pronounce it properly yet. Bah, french. Should have just let me try to roll my R's properly first.

Alrite, back to work. Admist the pending dark clouds brimming outside my office window and the strong winds that are picking up and threatening to blow away everythin in its path.

A sign? You bet. Challenges ahead.

Calculations

2006-11-29T23:39:00.000+08:00

It does not require much effort to realise that the rainy season is here again. During the ending months of the annual weather periods, occasional showers across the island favors the daily routines. Rain, rain go away. Come another day.

Here I am back at home again. The result of a petition by a number of the night shift reservists who tried to liaise with the Head of the Reservist Unit claiming on grounds that the active units have gone back home thus the support side of the reservists would not be required. What had not been discussed or rather pondered upon is the fact the day shift reservists might debate in heated dissatisfaction as well. Which is the kind of response I got when I called a reservist friend and asked him about tonight's changes. Apparently the day shift people are unhappy that the night shift is not needed and thus we should come back tomorrow and serve as day shift so that the day shift people can rest instead. Hallo, so are you day shift calculative weasels prepared to come back at night and serve in our shifts or are you expecting us to simply sit back and serve a 24-hr shift? In the first place we [or rather myself] could always just kick back our legs and sleep in camp. I don't have to book out and make the long journey back home so as to lessen my sleeping hours. It's all because of a number of family-oriented night shift reservists who either drove or stay near the camp and wants to go back home at the slightest opportunity despite any possible repercussions. Why can't you anxious daddies just stay for one night and finish the damned shift? I mean, we've got a chance to slack legally in camp and you guys had to go wake up the commander and insist we book out despite that we have come back at 7am to sign out and eat breakfast? What a bunch of lard brains. I'm like almost 10yrs younger than you guys and I seem to be thinkin more logically than you old geezers.

And what's this discontentment I hear going around the day shift people that we night shift people are getting more welfare than the day shift? Asses for mouths and faeces for hearts. Bunch of happy-go-lucky guys should stay back and watch how we test the system over and over again including preparing all the virtual units for immediate mobility throughout the night so you chessplayer-wannabes can just walk happily in with the active units and start pressing keyboard controls for movement and war games when you report for day shifts. Yeah tats right, try having your sleeping and waking hours turned upside down and still try to keep a sharp mind on units placement and re-allocation throughout the night so that they can re-group together as a battalion in preparation for the next day mission. You happily separate all the units and we're expected to come back in and pick up the pieces and now you're calculating on how we should serve the same number of hours as you guys.

Kiss my ass.

Alrite fine, enough of grousing. This is really unbecoming of my usual self. I'm surprised why do I bother so much about reservist anyway. It disrupts my work schedules, my personal commitment schedules, turns my biological clock timings upside down and the worst part is that I didn't volunteer for any of these.

Coming saturday I'm also very worried that I might not be able to make it for the Viennesse Waltz class conducted by Michelle and Why Pong at 1:30pm. The last few workshops for waltz was really one of the key reasons that sparked my interest in social dances. I used to have a rather closed concept about partner dances because.. well I guess I'm not comfortable with someone being so close and moving together with me. Waltz changed all that [credits to Pauline, Wei Lin and Yeeshan for that LOL] and so it has now branched out into Salsa [or latin perhaps], rock and roll with other possible upcoming dances like jive, viennesse waltz and cha cha as well. Unfortunately the dark clouds looms over my head and the free saturday i had been hoping with abated breath is jus not realizing rapidly. With the active units dragging their mission timings again the part 2 of this exercise looks set to drag on for the whole saturday again and us reservist units are highly possible of being recalled back to "test and prepare for them"

How wonderful. I'm absolutely tearing with unexpressed amounts of joy.

Julian! Stop grousing! You sound like you're growing a long white beard and constantly stroking it while waving a crooked wrinkled finger at the sky and cursing in any possible manner at every other thing in this world that had caused you some form of upset. Direct or indirect.

Had been pretty inspired by some youtube videos online and was particularly inspired by how a particular guy called Castro or something on how the song for Omarion's "O" was interpreted. Took a few parts of their chereo, modified it and whoppee a new chereo is actually formed. Credits to Yeeshan for introducing me to that video. Even Zelia nodded her head and said it is a slight breakthrough from my old style. Problem is I am not successfully incorporating this new style into mine yet so certain moves looked odd when I'm tryin to execute them. Was listening carefully to all the various beats and finally settled on a new 8 sets of chereo. Yup, this will be something new for me indeed. Getting a little excited myself here.

Sigh, 20 minutes past midnight. Alrite folks. I'm putting my blog pen down for now.

Wistful. Wishing.

2006-11-26T09:01:00.000+08:00

Getting a little sappy and a little wistful from listening to the few songs I found from the Princess Hours Soundtrack, credits to the introduction of the main track from Kelvin's Blog. I'm not sure what is the title of the song neither do I have a clue what is the meaning of the song about. Simply listening to the guy singing in the song raises a little part of me that suddenly feels.. needed. I guess from the mood of the song it's about someone who's wishing for something but just a little out of reach. I could be wrong but then again, aren't most ballads revolving around something that's out of touch? Be it unstarted or an ending? I do not need to specifically refer to the meaning to just boy-girl relationships [though like 80% of the ballads I listen to seems to be categorised in that area] because there are other exceptions like Corrine May's "Fly Away" which definitely tugged at my heart strings and brought the faintest trace of emotion flecked on the tiny corner of my eye. Is it any wonder given the massive ratio of guy-gal relationships being fed to us compared to other reasons for our sadness that is probably making people feel that without our personal counterpart life just seems so lifeless? Whatever happened to other Next-of-kin relationships that should contribute to our different emotions too? Perhaps my statement might be rather sweeping to assume that people only matter about what happens to their personal relationship but I place a certain share of the responsibility of this "mental conditioning" for our current state of mind on all the sappy love songs.

Alrite I think I am getting a little over-reacting here. Julian! It's just a typical Korean Love Song!

The last few days of reservist had been a major source of upset for me mainly because I'm very very pissed off with the way they coordinated their allocation of manpower. Rather, I'm upset because our Head didn't [or perhaps couldn't] fight for our welfare in the sense when the active units simply request to activate us reservists [despite our shift hours being planned in advance] they couldn't say no. Of course I am not encouraging them to display signs of insubordination [A General giving orders to a LTC does not possess the word of NO in their dictionary perhaps] but surely there should be cases where our Head can display sufficient reasons [be it rationing or possible logical grounds] to ensure we do not get activated at random like active units? I mean, we're reservists a.k.a. reserve troops. What is this thinking I've been hearing going around the camp mates that reservist camp lately that we're the fontline guinea pigs to be fed to the enemy when the war breaks out? Such rumours ought be clarified for it brings about unnecessary questioning not to mention a possible commotion amongst the reservists should this matter be publicly discussed. No matter, my queries stops here because I shall isolate this matter as according to specific circumstances. It's just less than a week more to the end of this exercise so yeah, get on with it and get on with life.

Hung out with the dance peeps at Marina South Steamboat and they finally witnessed why I am called "Prawn King" a.k.a the King of Prawn Eaters. No I do not wolf down a Guiness Book of World Records time for the number of prawns I can eat within a minute but simply because I can eat the whole prawn. Lock, stock and barrel. Yes inlcluding the feelers as well. Pauline called me a monster when she heard about my feat - she was away in the ladies at that point of time when I was displaying my unique skill of prawn eating. Brian took down the video of me eating the prawn. Hmmm.. shall attempt to get it from him via MSN perhaps. I do wonder too how I look when I completely devour the whole prawn in within a few bites. Yeeshan was rationalising that my rate of digestion starts at the mouth thats probably why the prawn shells do not cut my throat when I swallow. Hello people, haven't you heard of chewing? You know, the grinding of the molars? Chomp Chomp? Then Gulp? You may add in a burp to personalise your styling if you wish should you ever want to try to imitate my feat as well. No worries, I'm not applying for any patent rights nor any attempts to trademark this feat. A nickname is sufficient for me.

During the process of the steamboat dinner videos were taken with one memorable scene of Yeeshan attempting to cook a sambal prawn. Yan can cook, so can Yee? LOL. The scene of the two tables were basically separated into two zones - The War Zone and Post-War Zone as how Yeeshan described when he was sitting down with our table and peacefully sipping his soup from the steamboat mix. Mus admit my side is pretty quiet perhaps due to the different mixture of company. The War Zone table were people like Josh, Zelia, Kelvin, Pris, JingWei and Yeeshan so probably they were much more comfortable with each other in maximising the volume of noise. My table was a rag-tag mixture of Brian, Yang Yang, Pris, Evon, Anna, Wei Lin and Pauline including Peter who's actually in the centre of two tables so I guess they were more unsure of how to link topics at times. Well overall, we had fun which also lifted my spirits much more as compared to my totally disappointed being when I was cooped in that uniform of camouflage prints.

The finale was staged at Marina Superbowl which we proceeded to attempt feats of scoring at knocking down pins with all the strength we could muster. Yes Pauline, no worries you jus need to learn to apply more strength appropriately. Same for Kelvin whom I see a good force being sent out but unable to control a consistent final release thus making his scores fluctuate wildly. A few crazy shots were also done on Wei Lin's camera and that my dear friends ended a simple dinner cum movie outing [I could not watch Happy Feet with them because of the infuriating call-back to camp to resolve shifts that my side could not have planned more properly]. The only blessing I could count was the review of the movie was rather unsatisfactory therefore I am spared from a un-needed expense of a movie ticket.

Surprises now and then fuels my interest
like catching up on what who when of the latest
Looking forward everytime to discover more
that character appeal which draws me and furthermore

The gentle curve that winds up the corner of your lips
rebounds on my heartbeat and floats it like will-o-wisp
No direct contact of communication just the short chatter
simple, short and sweet yet of no significant matters

Questions abound, reeling in uncertainty
like a dance chereo that greys in musicality
styling of unconfirmed signals that blurs the eyes
creating stage confusion and chaotic cries

The present is what thy significanise
For no haste is needed to galvanise
sip in the gentle company of thy presence
is already. the most significant present.

Darn, no SA dance training for a whole week. Damn the night shifts. Sigh.

Rain. Musings.

2006-11-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

Torrents of pelters.
Warded by shelters.
Obscured view by hazy mist.
Musings. The Gist.

Getting a break from the office is not exactly something I'd refuse but with a recent drive and interest in the project I'm involved in I'd say I wonder about what is goin on inside the office without me around to assist in the technical enquiries. The Office had allocated a technical specialist just before I left last Wednesday because my reservist started yesterday which was on a thursday. I just hope the tech guy can answer the relevant questions because not all of them are just purely technical in nature nor is it purely general enquiries in nature. I mean, if you're based in Singapore and someone asks you,"So what are the current upmarket brands of Computers that I can compare with in Malaysia with regards to your desktop?

Damn. This ain't fair, man.

The Reservist exercise didn't start yesterday as there were some system server problems [or so I heard] and so we ended up being able to book out relatively early in fact [ard 7plus pm close to 8pm] and my first instinct was to actually wave for a cab and fly down straight to NYP to train with SA people. It didn't matter to me that I had only 20 bucks left in my wallet and I might not have enough to eat later. It didn't matter that I might be already stiff and tired from waiting around all day for proper instructions in the Reservist Unit. It also didn't matter that I haven't had my dinner because of the long debriefing. And finally it didn't matter that my family didn't know I booked out of camp early. It just mattered that there's new chereo to be learnt and I wanted to learn it fast, learn it well and perform it.

Am I detecting a slight sense of obsession here?

The results are showing for my built being toned and my overall physique slimming down. Even the sleeveless quicksilver T-shirt that I didn't dare to wear for so long fitted me nicely when I donned it in front of my mirror this morning after my shower. Funny thing is I didn't get too concious about specifically trying to slim down. All I did was to catch up on sleep and eat fruits during lunch hours. One reason is because I would go straight to dance after work then practise till late hours [usually 10:30pm latest 11pm] then head straight home excluding the light supper because of the need to supress hunger pangs. And abadacabra, I lost weight! close to 5kg within weeks. The effects did feel good though for my pull-ups improved [perhaps due to less weight being required to lift LOL] and I do feel a slight improvement in speed. Not so sluggish as compared to months back.

As the showers of rain increased in strength outside my window, my thoughts flitted unconciously back to the announcements for yesterday in SA. There'd be two teams being sent for DanceWorks in Mar next year - One team will carry the name of Chroma X [sigh, how I wish I was able to join] and the other is unconfirmed. Peter will concentrate on Chroma X while I will assist him in drilling the other team. Hmmm, maybe it is time to show the juniors how serious I take dance. Of course I'm not sure yet on how to drill them as detailed as how Peter would for Chroma X but.. I will find my way. I want them to improve and feel the same way as I do for competitions. Especially the ferocity of competitiveness for such inter-school events.

The Music's made for us to move
Not just the definition of groove
There's nothing really much to prove
Akin to what attitude makes one seem aloof

Of Latin, Waltz, Hiphop, Jazz and Contemporary
So transient. So fusion. So temporary.
A goal is needed but alas not rewarded
A pierce of pain and very disappointed

Passion is what drives one to improve
But a goal is what makes one realise if there is improvement
A new goal is needed
And close advice to be heeded

Pick up the pieces and continue to strive
Stage Presence should be the next target
For events are just like auditions
simply to prove your value in the market

Yes Sir, its time to strengthen my body's flow and my whacking. Not to mention my hands and leg coordination when handling different styles.

Bishan Park

2006-11-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

Today marks the satisfactory ending of a week long tiring preparation for a rather big performance at Bishan Park. Apparently the Deputy Prime Minister [DPM] Mr Wong Kan Seng was also present thus the amount of fanfare generated was rather big indeed. Even the usual stage size had been expanded to almost twice or three times the normal size.

StageArts Dance performed a total of 2 items. Namely Beyond Legends and a finale item that is a combination of the song Sexy Back, Buttons and Move Your Feet. Indirectly it means 4 items were performed today just that the last three had been packaged into short items mainly to showcase different styles and the unity of the club.

But I had been very unsatisfied with my own performance.

Mistakes aplenty and wrong timings. Missed a few counts and was slow in executing some steps. Although Peter had mentioned that the Beyond Legends item was rather rushed and he will not expect us to dance it 100% correct but as a very "senior" personnel in StageArts Dance I was very concerned that I should hit at least the 90% if not higher mark. Alas, the pressure of stage performances still claimed my nerves somewhat and the mistakes started showing one by one.

From next tuesday onwards, a new chereo will be set into place. The song had not been confirmed but the choices are just a matter of whether its Ciara's "Get Up" or Janet Jackson's "Get it Out Me" and I'm really intrigued to see how Peter will interpret the music to create a new chereo for us to dance and learn while practising at the same time.

The day for the performance did not start off well because it appears everyone had been more concerned about getting to Bishan Park but did not manage a thorough job of ensuring all the headcounts had been accounted for. The reaction from Peter was the same as the saturday [yesterday] outburst - He shouted. When we reached the destination he gathered the committee members and gave them a strict talking to. The characteristic about Peter is that he expects a very high and efficient standard of administration from the committee. He stressed that he can be patient with making us improve our dance standards but when it comes to administration he would expect the committee to be very clear about their jobscopes and required duties. Example, confirming a clear reply on what is the headcount, who is late, who is missing and what is the reason.

The mood turned more jovial when Peter started announcing who wanted color on their hair. Yeeshan volunteered first and Peter started to spray white then red on his hair. Following that JingWei then myself and some others went up to Peter to get ourselves a new "hair dye" as well. Wow. my hair jus stood up like some porcupine spikes. Could have burst a balloon anytime. Looked pretty interesting though. I think I'm beginning to enjoy making myself look different. I was still initially reeling from shock when my hair was made to cut so short and styled furthermore.

The actual performance... well I cant say too much till I have viewed the video properly from Peter's camera.

Pastamania @ Bishan was our lunching area and lots of merriment was happening there as well. Laughter, some teasing here and there. There were so many of us that we were close to tearing the whole place down with our potential noise volume. Pauline did surprise me a little with her quick thinking when I used the puzzle that Bryan posed to us during a lepak session at C.A.N cafe on saturday night. I managed to complete my Marina Linguine, so did Peishan and Pauline but Wei Lin's Meatball Sphagetti [I hope I got the name correct] went relatively untouched. Further asking revealed that the sphagetti was not really prepared well and the meatball was rather.. unchewable if my memory serves me correctly on their terms of description.

After the Pasta lunch Yeeshan, Kelvin, Phoebe, Zelia, Rene, JingWei, Priscilla and myself went to Food Junction because Zelia wanted some hot soup and Phoebe wanted some desserts. Pauline and Wei Lin went shopping around the 4th level. Cant remember who was with them though. More jokes and merriment while I waited for time to reach 2:15pm so that I can watch the new dance move in town - Step Up.

Tonite - I shall sleep early. Too tired to continue. Will discuss more abt Step Up in detail when I am more awake. Ciaoz.

Waltz. Whether.

2006-11-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

So the weekend is here once again and I'm basking in the aftermath of a smile that had been imprinted onto my heart the moment I stepped into the dance studio. God, feels so good to feel the music of classical waltz flowing through my soul and letting feet glide across the studio floor. One little grouse though is I am beginning to find it is either the studio floor getting too slippery or my ballroom shoes are just not having enough grip.

Was watchin the video that Rene sent me last night for my waltz practise with Anna. Seems alrite on video though surprisingly I felt some timing resistance when we were doin the actual chereo. Yang Yang commented my butt still sticks out when I move away from Anna sometimes. Sigh. I'll work harder on overcoming this mental barrier.

So now I'm facing a crossroads - at my workplace the Manager has designated a new upcoming project to be under my charge in the near future probably several more months down the road. In other words, I might be promoted to Project Team Leader earlier than I thought. Recruitment, Training, immersing myself in product knowledge and being a walking dictionary for the Project I'll be handling while maintaining a level of service quality in addition to hitting sales targets. At my dance I have been getting more and more active involving myself in jazz, going for external hiphop classes, getting involved in classical waltz and possibly in the near future other forms like Latin, Cha Cha, Rock & Roll, Jive as well. *Stressed*

It's surprising how time jus seems to fly without one knowing when the activities are packed back to back and small wonder given me trying to be all rounder. Hurray jus let me don my red cape and red underpants and push my hair back into a slick gel-combed hairstyle. Yes, I swear in order to achieve that hairstyle I would require gel, hair spray, erm possibly anythin that would give the kind of hold on my hair like what Ryan Conferido can do with his in the first season for So You Think You Can Dance. Imagine me flying at more than Mach 2 while attempting to maintain a near perfect hairstyle. Hurray.

Some thoughts did float back to a slight nostalgia of the chereo drilling days I had with the rest of the gang [Chroma] and well, guess it wont be so soon when those days will come again. Initial was nightmare but as the time progressed down the road I realised I could have learnt so much more during that time. Developed this belief that the mind is a very powerful weapon and lots of matters can be handled much easier if the mental state of mind is strong.

No matters. As a good brother of mine quoted - No point looking too much at the past. Indeed. Reminiscene of the sad past is only a thing for those who cannot move on. Look back to remember what should be avoided or what to be corrected. No to dwell on the matter and let history unconciously repeat itself because of an unwillingness to believe that the present will be any different. Concious. Or Subconcious.

Walkin. Strolling. Browsing. Shopping.
Munching. Teasing. Laughing. Aching.
Smiling. Glancing. Talking. Discussing.
Explaining. Understanding. Nodding. Beaming.

Of characteristics and habits
Of Bus Stops and Buses
Whether it means of any significance
Whether the point of understanding is common

It does.

Right, up up and away we go. Here I come Val. Next stop - Jitterbugs Hiphop Class.

Conversant.

2006-10-27T20:57:00.000+08:00

The turnover rate at my workplace of late had been alarmingly high. People would quit their temporary job just after working for a few days. To think I had imagined the last job I held as Program Administrator at a US-based Manufacturing firm was the worst that I could have ever imagined.

One separate factor that I have considered is that most of the staff on the ground operations are students from tertiary instituitions on short vacations, school-leavers waiting for results with the occasional graduates awaiting for a new and perhaps higher paying job. Most of these people have no idea how to start a proper conversation with no immediate topics in mind. Tough luck because a number of these projects are requiring the staff to be naturally conversant. Today a young boy sat next to me, with his wide innocent look and an expression that says, "Oh My God, how am I going to start talking to this person to ask him/her to give me their details of their job appointment and the answers to this survey?"

Naturally it took me a while to explain a number of things to get him started on just the first phonecall.

I had a short chat with my direct Supervisor today and my first question to her was "Are you planning to leave the company?" because I heard from a hearsay [donated from a colleague who had just finished her last day today] that my supervisor was attracted by a job offer as a Personal Assistant [PA] to a Director and the pay was quoted as 5K. In my heart I was thinkin "OMG, 5K. That is pretty high for a secretary or as the job title appointed, a Personal Assistant." thus thinkin as compared to what she is struggling now with her role in the company it might seem like a really attractive offer. By logical comparison, if you're doin the same tiring work [probably the amount of work would be slightly more at the offer as the PA] but get paid like almost 3 times more, why would you not get tempted?

That's when I did her comparison to another colleague of mine who joined this company for approximately 7 months now. From my observation of how she works its obvious that she's a pretty capable person not to mentioned an experienced worker but why then would she accept such a "simple" job of simply taking incoming calls at a Call Centre? I had a brief chat with her once and she said she got tired of "Corporate Politics" and simply decided to leave. How then, does one measure the willingness to endure politics so as to put aside everythin in order to receive that coverted pay check at the end of every month?

Is 5K enough to make sure you can endure all kinds of torturous work - physically and mentally? I'm thinkin along this path is because I'm assuming that the work as a Director PA is worse than a Call Centre Team Leader.

That thought floated my thoughts back to my 2 month stint at the US-based Manufacturing Firm.

The pay is indeed much better than this current job I'm holding but the amount of mental torture that was imposed on me was simply of unreasonable standards and despite my best efforts to endure and manage it, the amount simply kept increasing until one day the inevitable happened - I tendered.

My parents got worried about me for a while because despite the job market picking up I tendered at a time where it's approaching the end of the year and this usually means companies are doing their financial year end closing accounts. This also means they're not prone to increasing their headcount for staff because this would mean unnecessary and unwelcomed work for both the accounts and the HR payroll section. So naturally these companies would put aside any recruitment till early next yr. Indirectly it meant if I do not get a job soon, I would remain unemployed till Feb or even March next year. Not going to reflect good on my resume if as a fresh graduate I do not try to secure a job within 3 months. Thankfully, my supervisor said no and laughed it off because it was meant as a joke to tease the colleague who's leaving.

I took the explanation with a pinch of salt.

I guess the effects of being an experienced worker made me a little critical indeed. Lesson number one - Do not trust your fellow colleagues lightly because you are all aiming for the same promotion. Unless you are from different departments whose jobscopes will never clash with one another then perhaps the trust is more easily placed. However, they won't be able to dish advice that is as effective as a colleague who is in the same department and knows more appropriately what is useful advice and what are simply words of consolation.

Take advice from someone whom you can trust but knows little about what is exactly happening? Or take advice from someone who gives effective advice but unable to trust?

The burning question would be - Is the effectivenes for you? Or the colleague?

Efforts. Relief.

2006-10-23T22:11:00.000+08:00

A throbbing now resides evidently in my head, apparently from a slight dehydration caused today by a long period of perspiration without any H2O replenishment.

Packed my bag and headed straight for NYP today to practise jazz and hiphop chereo. Mei Xian joined me in the early stage to recall some of the locking chereo based on the previous September performances. Finally I get to remember in detail what are the exact steps of the locking chereo. Also managed to recall in smoother sequence the current chereo based on Jennifer Lopez's "Still" and the rapid chereo based on originally Anastacia's "Love is a Crime" song but recently had been using PussyCat Dolls' "Buttons" song to practise instead. It's freakin fast.

But I enjoyed the challenge. =)

In the later stages - Wei Lin, Pauline and Treasa dropped by as well to practise. Partnered Pauline for waltz and to my surprise I finally managed to recall the entire sequence around the room and Pauline & myself actually managed to complete one round around the room without any major mistakes. Felt so relieved my efforts had slightly paid off. In addition, as we were both able to complete that one round around the room I believe Pauline felt more relieved as well.

I guess what is left is to finally polish up my basics of my hiphop again. Based on the timing for Pat's wednesday class at Jitterbugs I believe with my work timing schedule I should not have any major problems. My first day of work at In-Call Systems starts officially on 01 November and Pat's first class wednesday nights will start on 15 Novemeber. Well, hopefully it will not run into major clashes because a colleague at my work place had cautioned me that sometimes we would be required to stay back for quite a while because we have to compile the statistics that the daily telemarketeers had made so after a while she stopped making any weekday plans. Goodness, I sure hope that wont mean I have to stay back for at least 2 or 3 hrs because that would mean no more dance practises with SA Dance anymore. Noooo...

I'm gonna work even harder and hopefully I can even be included in the NYP Musical. Not sure if the NYP Management would make such an exception but.. it would be an experience that I'll never forget.

December is the month for the Impresario competition and I'm looking forward to it. Not for the sense that the team I'll be based with will stand a good chance of winning but seriously I miss the old Chroma training days. Not to mean that I enjoy being drilled like an animal for engineering precision in moves clarity, timing and formation changes but I must admit that because of Funkamania my dancing did improve a lot. So many mistakes in my styling that was relatively unnoticed when I'm just doin classes and more classes with Patrick and Claire were ironed out with the occasional scoldings by other team members. Look beyond the scoldings and the essence of the corrections were noted.

Tomorrow is the public holiday for Hari Raya and it seems a lot of my friends are being occupied with visitations for either their Malay relatives and close friends. An attempt to organise an outing was met with dismal failure due to the major unavailability of most people. Sigh, ah well, there'll be other chances I believe.

Meeting with a few old friends tomorrow early morning around 11am. Gonna do some shopping after that heh heh. Finally been some time since I'd been in a mood to walk and shop around. Cross my fingers, let's wish for a good bargain to fall into my lap and allow my eyes to notice the bargain at the same be oblivious to everyone else till I've bought it! *Evil laugh*

Hands up and chest upwards, I'm on a one-way track to seriously tone my physical appearance. Work hard I shall. Rest well I will.

Relations. Pickings.

2006-10-22T12:03:00.000+08:00

An outing after my ballroom practise included a movie titled "The Prestige" at Cineleisure, a dinner at this food court somewhere in the midst of Cuppage Plaza vicinity and a coffee session at Starbucks [next to California Fitness Orchard] concluded with a chatting session at Boat Quay MacDonald's. The original finale was supposed to be TCC at Boat Quay but it was really packed and thus we decided to move to Mac's which luckily had a round sofa seating area and good aircon. Yes, lepak sessions should not be without aircon unless it's right after a dance session. Then perhaps places like CLC [ask me nicely and I will reveal it to you in due time LOL] would be pretty appropriate. By the way, for the peepz who knows wat CLC stands for kindly please do not spoil the fun of suspense.

At Mac's Yang Yang proceeded to ask me the questions which she had seemed to be building up for quite some time with numerous prompts along the way. Well.. the questions were finally asked right amidst the company of Peter, Josh, Anselm, Priscilla, Yvonne and Loretta. Missing in action was Zelia and Yeeshan but oh well I guess they would have a good idea of what had been goin on around me.

The discussion had set me thinking. How does one effectively treat a partner "well"? The word "well" sounded so subjective.. so.. ambiguous. Yang Yang mentioned that ladies would never tell their counterparts the direct answer but chose to drop clues and hints along the way. When the answer is presented to them, that is when they would enjoy the most. No wonder some people have compared the process of relationship to a cat and mouse game or perhaps hide and seek. Seek but do not search, ask but do not query, know but do not understand. Do we seek understanding in our knowledge all the time? When we finally know what our partner wants do we then strove to understand why? What happens when the understanding itelf is elusive?

Through the discussion I did realise I can be a very stubborn person. Determination is termed as a positive trait but unwillingness to listen sets in at times when I made up my mind. I guess being understanding is something I would request. Yang Yang threw the question back at me - How much are you willing to compromise for this understanding then? Am I able to give a fair amount in return? Again the discussion routes back to the starting point - How do we give the measurement for what is considered fair? Setting aside a certain amount of time a day may not be the "right thing" to do because according to what she understands from women.. they need constant attention. Not in the sense you have to be around them physically but more like showing concern for them most of the time. No wonder some people claim of being tired of a relationship after a while. Do they then deserve to be branded as being uncaring? Is the reason of wanting to achieve something in career a valid reason? Or simply jus a convenient perspective that society has presented to us?

Perhaps.. willing to listen.. is one factor that I need to work on. Being able to provide a listening ear might not equate to a willingness to listen because I believe we are all guilty of selective listening at one time or another. The only variance is perhaps the kind of topics that makes us more selective as compared to the rest.

An announcement last friday from my company says that monday is closed as well thus fully extending our break till the comin wednesday. Finally, a couple of days to clear my room up properly before my Dad starts making changes to the house. My room in particular. So.. hopefully I can muster enough determination to spring clean my room properly before the workers set in and start messing things around.

The patter of rain amidst the mist
Sets in a pensiveness
Light grayness on window panes
Random rapid streams downwards

The mood sets in. Pondering.
Fingers dance lightly over the silver
brushing the numbers
Pondering.

A vibration. A surprise.
Forwarded. Anticipation.

A reply. A smile.
A short conversation. A happiness.

How does one measure the sufficient amount of attention given?

Relief

2006-10-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

And so marks the end of the StageArts Dance Assessment for the second term.

To all the SA dancers who have taken the dance assessment today - Congratulations on your passing. From a heartfelt sincere regards I must really applaud the effort and to my delight a few hopeful potentials have emerged which I must say possess the ability to bring SA dance to a even higher level in the later years to come.

As we embark on the third semester - greater challenges lies ahead which I could only have one advice - dun give up because I didn't give up despite battling with "physical limitations" for the past 1yr plus and if its any inspiration to and of you I sure hope it will. It drives me green with envy when others have much better physical ability but lacks even more than half of my drive.

In-Call Systems has offered a permanent job for me as a Call Centre Executive with the prospects of becoming a Call Centre Team Leader. A quick check with a friend who is the Assistant Manager of an established Recruitment Agency cautioned me however that Call Centre Staff would not gain much recognition on their resume because their jobscope is too limited even in the fields of Customer Service. The alternative was to join the Recruitment Agency for the things I learn can be applied into related fields of sales and even HR in terms recruitment for future related jobs should I decide to have another career switch in the next 3 - 5 years to come. As for the Call Centre environment.. it's a really nice environment though - the current company that has offered me the permanent position though.

Sigh. Choices.

A bit hyped up now.. from dancing two chereographies for the SA Dance Assessment. It's been a really long time since I get to dance so much within a lesson. But I'm also glad so much time had been spent on building up the proper techniques and stretching the muscles because today I felt that my coordination in getting steps had somehow improved unconciously. A side disappointment though is that comments and feedback pointed to me that my hiphop styling is still very much concious when I perform jazz routines.

Sigh.

Ah well. At least I have a new target to achieve and I will make sure I improve enough to reach tat target. Grrrr.

To Miss.... well you know yourself. Reminder ah - Outing not equals matchmaking ah.

Happiness

2006-10-16T23:53:00.000+08:00

On this day of yours the smile is wide
clasped in your arms the a whitish shade of hide
emblazoned on the front the crest of Pride
spells out the words "Converse" by which it abides

A sigh, a release of a sound of pity
Opportunities lost of catching your expression
despite torturous methods suggested witty
as you savour your present, exhilaration

May you be blessed with health and wealth
And a pot of gold from the Rainbow's end
They say it contains treasures untold
from which sacred pleasures unfold

So before the clock strikes twelve
and the joyous occasion ends
Let me wish you again a Happy Birthday
A sincere well-wishing - from a friend

Happy Birthday Miss ShanNx =)

Madness

2006-10-15T21:33:00.000+08:00

Yes indeed, madness is the word I would use to describe how my weekend had passed. Never did I imagine that an outing at Minds Cafe could generate so much madness. The amount of fun we had posing and trying to use our body actions to convey the message that was written on the cards was simply enough to drive everyone into hysterics. I guess the people who have the most fun though are those who see the words written on the cards of the opposing team and crack their sides till hyperventilation takes over in watchin how the person tries to use body language to communicate just one single word.

What started out as a dinner at Thai Express slowly evolved into a full-swing non-stop heart-racing slew of activities that threatened to suck all essence of energy out from our very being leaving jus an empty shell of lifeless trance-like state.

From the dinner at Thai Express, the symptoms were already in place with several tables combined. The alpha signs were distinct with the volume of laughter slowly rising, people teasing one another and jokes shared and crazy expressions being made by different people. Of course a major contributor goes to Mr Yeeshan with his four seasons expressions [a term coined by myself] under direct translations meaning "Joy, Anger, Sorrow and Happiness" not to exclude a final suggestion by Miss Zelia who shouted "Show us how you look when you strike lottery!" LOL.

Price of a plate of Shrimp Paste Fried Rice : $8.90
Price of a Nokia Handphone taking the clip : $700+
Price of Yeeshan's expression in the clip : Priceless

And in case you guys start thinkin my final quote is "For everythin else, there's MasterCard" think again because there is no one else who can put forth such comical expressions like Yeeshan.

Based on comments and some other people's comments it would appear I have made some progress in waltz however it would appear I do have a lot to catch up with if I truly want to be included in the NYP 2007 Musical because the rest of the cast have already been subjected to almost 5mths extra of ballroom training while I have only attended abt 4 classes so far. Oh Heavens, please grant me the ability of photographic memory in addition to an extended size version of a SD memory card inside my brain. Make it the biggest size available so I can store the maximum amount of information within the shortest possible amount of time.

Just a little update on my mundane and limited working life - I'm currently based at this Company called In-Call Systems where they have an operating premises located at Science Park Drive I. To those who are relatively unfamiliar with Singapore roads and streets Science Park Drive I is about 15mins walk away from the National University of Hospital [NUH]. An alternative venue of rest should one day I ran out of places to snooze during office hours. H e h.

As I gazed at your side view
A swift glance, a teasing look
directed at your direction
But unable to gain attention

As I hovered near your presence
Hoping to catch a whiff
of any possible memory based on
the symbolic sense of smell

Chances unprovided

Wondering again how does one leave
a sense of lingering about
the what-ifs, the what-might-be(s)
bundled into a shackle of possibilities

Then attempt to realise it

Hurray, its Monday again and my mood is as the color of the clear October skies.

Activities

2006-10-08T23:33:00.000+08:00

Much as I try to recollect what had happened for the past weekend the membrane simply does not co-operate with the cerebellum.

My memories are suffering from short-term absence of presence. Fine I'm jus trying to be creative in saying I'm sufferin from short-term memory loss but the bare essence of the activities which transpired over the past 2 days are still ringing clear in my memory bank. Perhaps I simply do not recollect things that had happened for more than 5 days ago.

Well in a nutshell - Saturday morning I was not awakened by my mobile phone's alarm till my mum woke up from her usual waking hours and knocked on my bedroom door to ask if I'm awake. To my horror, the time she woke me was already 6:45am when the ceremony is at 8am and my reporting time to 7:30am. 45mins to shower, get dressed and reach there to "warm up my voice" Thank heavens im still on time. Overall the ceremony went smoothly with jus a few timing clashes because some parts of the ceremony i got so nervous that my mind went blank a few times. Almost like I'm the bridegroom. Just for clarification, I'm the commentator so I'm responsible for leading the crowd in some prayers, singing and announcements.

Saturday afternoon was the last lesson of the 4-part series of ballroom classes at Michelle and Why Pong [WM] DanceWorld. We had a pretty tiring time going through all the routines and details over and over again. I must admit Why Pong and Michelle are really really wonderful ballroom teachers and if I had the excess spending power I would love to have detailed lessons with them. Despite the quantity of just 4 lessons the quality of techniques, posture and even the "feel" have been made pretty clear to me. In just 4 mere lessons I have learnt the importance of posture in ballroom, from the first movement to the last finishing pose.

After the class ended we presented the two lovely teachers with a bouquet each, gathering much surprise and laughter from them. Went for dinner and some bowling, felt so good to feel the ball flip from my palm once again. Amazed some of them, Rene in particular with the minor C-curve of my ball. LOL. effect would have been much more impressive if I had been using my favourite personal ball of 15lbs cos the ball I threw at the alley was jus 9lbs so the force of impact on the pins werent that strong. Sigh, felt nostalgic abt the previous times when I trained intensively in bowling with my JC mates and later my army mates. Was well-known for my montrously high backswing and lift. Alas, dun think I can even remember my 4 steps properly now.

After the bowling session I rushed for the morning couple's wedding dinner. One note - the food at York Hotel sucks. Had a few drinks before flying off to meet Yeeshan, Zelia, Anselm and Kelvin at Paradiz Centre for a game of pool. I believe Zelia and Yeeshan including myself were really annoyed at Kelvin's apparent enormous luck in pool because his pool balls would somehow roll into the pool table holes despite his weird angles of entry and some inaccurate shots.

Ended with a early morning "supper" of a nice dish called sampler platter @ this 24hr cafe called Mr Bean and lots of iced coffe.. iced cappucino as well. The sampler platter consists of calamari, prawn fritters, spring rolls and deep-fried chicken pieces. Nothing amazing in terms of igredients but the taste was simply superb. So good that we actually ordered a second serving in the later part of the conversation. With the good food, a deep conversation was also shared which included discussions abt what they actually felt abt me after knowing me all this while. Was kinda surprised that I gave the impression sometimes that I remind them of Peter in the sense I would also be very firm in decision making jus the methods of achieving that consent would be different. Ended the "outing" with a short nap in the open bench areas of SMU before catching the first MRT train home at 6am.

Sunday. "Friendly" Soccer from 2-5pm [though I'm pretty sure some players' "over-enthusiasm" annoyed some people] while a simple dinner at Bishan J8.

I'm beat. I have to sleep. I'm supposed to wake up at 6am. Damn.

Questions. Fresh.

2006-09-24T16:03:00.000+08:00

So I have decided to re-write another chapter of my life. 2 months of experience with Sanmina has made me decide that I should move on and not continue to agree with their practises.

Indeed a lot of matters have happened within these past 2 months and perhaps so much that for a moment to sit down and contemplate what to pen down in blogging requires a monumental effort that does not permit free flow of thoughts.

Sometimes thoughts can be mis-interpreted if you choose selective thinking yourself.

Did some self reflection on what some people commented that 2 months with a company does not permit you to see what your future can hold. Then the question can be countered - how can we be certain then being with a company for a few years can make you certain if your future lies with them? Especially since now that I'm nearing my significant first number of 3 in my age this becomes all the more omnipotent.

Should I then be rather risking my comfort zone and settle myself into a company or an environment that promises me a learning environment with a willing mentor and a united team despite harsh customers and disfavourable jobscopes?

That was precisely the case with MDA thus I was able to stay for a whole 3 yrs despite the harsh people we have to face everyday.

Yes I do believe I must go back to express my proper thanks to my ex-colleagues. I do believe they have really done a lot to make the team stay together.

Well.. I have to prepare to go out to give tuition.. More thoughts to be penned down when I am settling down another day this comin week.

Over a cup of coffee I realised
that I missed hearing your voice
You didnt want to believe that
you were entitled to commitments

And I didnt want to believe that
I actually yearned for your company

Till then, wishing everyone good health.

Self. Centred.

2006-08-06T10:20:00.000+08:00

Started work with a new Company called Sanmina-SCI. Mainly involved in admin stuff. Gotta be steady with tracking lots of items. It's a big lie when I say I dun need to work OT because I have already started working OT within my first week at Sanmina which is like on my 4th day of work?

Went out last night with Daniel my best bud to just chill and we ended up hopping places till like 5am in the morning. Sure had been a long time since I stayed out for such a long period of time. Not sure if I really enjoyed what we were doing but I was glad I had his company. Didn't want to spend my time just feeling depressed at home. And just doing things till I can go home to knock myself out is one sure way of confirming I do not have any energy to waste on thinkin about unneccessary stuff especially those who do not contribute any positivism only negativity.

Upcoming StageArts Performance @ Bishan Park on 2th September. Looking forward to it. Just hope nothing major comes up disrupt the practises. Think the items are about 60% ready just a little more chereo with minor touch-ups to formation, polishing and fine-tuning the traffic flow of formation changes. Anyway it is examination period for most of the NYP students so practises had been reduced to just once a week instead of the usual two with Hiphop and Jazz alternating around each other. In other words, it means we're now practising Hiphop/Jazz once every fortnight instead of the usual once a week. Think I'm gonna be realllll stiff when I get back to the next jazz stretching routine. Sigh~

Gotta start getting ready for Pat's class at Jitterbugs. I do need that adrenaline rush to get my day going, period.

A storm is brewing within
Of flashes of lightning and rumble of thunder
Air gets sucked in and conforms
Twirls faster and faster

In the eye of the storm
Lies the heart already torn asunder
Belittled, frayed, withered
Caged in this prison of whirlwind

Touch it but can't touch it
See it but can't see it
Feel it and you get sucked it
With no way of knowing when you stop

How long have I been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the whirlwing's shapelessness
Ground's getting harder to tread
with these torrents rushing around my head

You do not have to worry about me. Just show more concern for the other person instead. I think that party probably wants your attention more. I'm used to being strong myself anyway.

~ Its about yourself after all isn't it? No word of thanks for me bringing you to see the fireworks just a simple message of saying you didn't enjoy the 'whole thing' simply because your mentor scolded you for a mistake you made. My fault?

Distant Responsibility

2006-07-18T13:22:00.000+08:00

Questions and more questions - How are you getting on with your life? Did you manage to catch ~~~? What's happening in your life right now?

Hmm. Makes me feel like I'm responsible for all the answers that these questions posed. Truth is - I don't. Rather I should not be responsible for answers to all these questions. Just how often does someone really step into your life and change it? And makes it change it for the better? Or will you go one big circle and at the supposed "ending" realise we have never really moved much at all?

Met up with an old friend last Sunday. It was a weird feeling because we've known each other for almost.. 6 years? Yet we have never met each other before. We chatted each other up on the IRC which was pretty much the rage back in year 2000 and even before that. What followed was emails, Yahoo Messengers and only more recently Hotmail Messenger. Recent months was the proposed meet-up but met with quite a few clashes in timings due to other committments like her work and my own activity schedules. So when we met up last sunday there was some slight apprehension on whether we would face each other with horrible silences. Thankfully, we chatted just like we normally do on MSN though the first time we gazed at each other there was this slight pause.

"Hi" She said
"Hey, you're right on time." I replied.

She laughed, ice broken and the conversation started flowing shortly.

Just like so many MSN conversations.

Had a short chat with my SA Junior last nite, spoke of family backgrounds and of what we prefer to do in our leisure times. Spoke of some sad moments and of friends. It was short though not too short but nevertheless, it did feel good. Warmth was the feeling I could describe and so was the temperature of my body which subsequently broke out into a small sweat. DAMN. NYP should really look into their infrastructure and build more cooling places for leisure chats. Or perhaps it was just the stillness of the air which did not make the best conditions for small chats.

The feeling of responsibility becomes distant
Should we simply commit because it is morally right
Or we simply follow the heart
Even though it might not make the best decision

When the strands of attachments loosen
and paths diverge
When we are no longer able to stand still
and simply look at each other

Obligated Obligations Obligatory
Not the most heartening decision
but perhaps the most accepted choice
ignorance of the feelings

I can't. I can't. I just can't.

Choices

2006-07-15T09:42:00.000+08:00

15 days since the 1st of July and it feels like I have not exactly remembered how those 14 days past have flown by. Like the strong gale of wind that thrusts the torrent of ventilations whizzing past your face, the speed of events have whizzed by me giving me akin references to Lightning McQueen in the Movie "Cars" - Speed.

Now the last recollection would probably be linked to the enjoyable night I had with Valerie and her Blast Peepz @ Butter Factory. After the offers I mentioned with AppleOrchard and the "supposed" interview at Fuji Xerox Towers, I attended a couple more interviews mainly with Educational Centres like Integrative Learning Corporation Pte Ltd and Guilford Training Centre Pte Ltd. Integrative's situated at Clarke Quay area while Guilford's located at Anson Road [Tanjong Pagar]. Both have offered me relatively attractive career prospects though they are a shadow of what Pathfinder Alliance [Fuji Xerox] have offered me. Can you imagine earning an income bracket of $100K per annum? Not exactly achievable for most people in their lifetime.

That brings us to a little question which the Director Mr Raymond Tan posed to me during our final interview - How hungry are you? Reflections back to his question made me realise I'm hungry but not for money but for satisfaction. For success. Success to me is being able to fixate a stable income which can feed a family of four maximum. Having struggled through these years earning money to support my own living expenses and my University Fees have made me realise indeed the omniportance of financial freedom. It also made me realise the joy of a balanced worklife. Given a choice I would have wanted to travel back in time and correct a wrongs, I do carry a few regrets in my life but looking forward. I am also glad I have travelled this path for it brought me a whole new perspective which strengthened my communication skills tremendously. To be empathetic with most people because I can understand their difficulties in life yet at the same time understand myself well enough to know when I can help and when I need to push them to stand on their own.

Success to me perhaps is being able to achieve financial freedom with an ease of mind.

In theory it sounds absolutely tempting. In reality, we struggle like dogs for the bread and butter issues. Unless you are the talented few who have chartered your path well and focused on it from a young age then, when you have reached the dreaded 30, you will already have the next 30 years of your journey spread out on a red carpet. You might say we pay the price in our working years for the deviance of the years we spent during our education years be it University, Polytechnic, Junior Colleges or even Secondary School years. Is it any wonder why parents thus push their kids so hard to make them achieve the desired grades? Not for fear of loss of respect from other parents but simply from the fear that their children will spend the rest of their working years paying the price for their deviance of the education years as well.

StageArts NYP have recently completed their assessment for the Juniors. Overall Peter seemed pretty pleased with their progress though there were misgivings about some juniors in particular. From the feedback I gathered I believed attitude plays an important factor. Well, its a general theory which applies everywhere. But there were a few who surprised me with their progress indeed. To name a few - Mei Xian, Paulin, Wei Lin and the "senior" juniors Joscelyn. Have gotten a lot closer to them since the assessment and the test of their chereography skills. No doubt they are still not able to show the chereography that can be put forth on competitions but they are at least showing the dance sense of it. Did stress them out slightly when on hiphop assessment I gave them the remark "I trained much more with you guys so I expect much more from you all than the new juniors" haha.

Time to train myself to a new level. I should start going back to Dance Studios to learn new chereographies so I can have new ideas. Argh, with the new tuition jobs I have taken up the time is limited though. A little breakdown of the schedules -

Monday ~ free day
Tuesday ~ SA Hiphop Training [May soon juggle between DreamWerkz as well]
Wednesday ~ Tuition at Edgefield Plains till 9:30pm
Thursday ~ SA Jazz Trainings
Friday ~ Tuition at Potong Pasir till 8:30pm
Saturday ~ Perhaps practise in Mornings
Sunday ~ Tuition at 4pm and 7pm with the dance classes slotted in mornings.

Hurray. When I start work. I will become the master of jugglers. Not to mention I have yet to register for my driving lessons.

Butter Factory

2006-06-29T03:21:00.000+08:00

Oh man, that was one exhilarating night. Of grooving and pumping and wild whacking at times with the occasional clowning from me as well.. LOL.

Weirdest thing is some guy actually came up to me and loudly screamed I'm cool and demanded to take a picture with me.. I was just totally bewildered and damn I didn't even take a look at the picture I took with him. Just hope he doesn't use it for some mass defaming joke. Hmm.. he seemed pretty sincere about the photo-taking thing so I'll just give him the benefit of doubt.

Well.. to be honest. I guessed our group pretty much scared everyone else off the dance floor with our crazy antics and high energy moves. Hmm.. ironically I would be much happier if the dance floor had more people. I just get the feeling they seemed much happier watching us 'perform' because there were the occasional battles between Peter and myself. That man - is an alien. Sharpness, hyper energy and speed. If you think Rene [Hamtaro] has plenty of energy wait till you see Peter in battling. I think I can only win him with my chest isolation. That's about it - the sad pathetic truth. Argh.

Congrats to the three 'musketeerettes' [lady version of musketeers i guess] who seemed to attract lots of attention as well with their continous grooving and waving of bodies. *Nose Bleed several times* though I was pretty shocked by their initial 'happiness' especially Valerie. LOL. Yes mi lady, I almost got drunk by chatting with you and absorbing your liquorous breath. Perhaps it's just me who have gotten pretty sensitive to the smell of liquor after not touching it for such a long time. Your loud laughter was another conviction you seemed to be enjoying yourself. No worries about the lack of glamour - its part and parcel of letting your hair down.

Should do that more often.

Another surprise for me was the ability of me rushing for 3 interviews today though the first interview was a total disaster. When I received the message from the lady yesterday my information given was venue Fujitsu Towers and look for unit #06-05 Orlando Go. My next two questions were "confirmed venue is Fujitsu Towers?" and "Company name is Orlando Go? Thats a weird name for a Company" which received answers "Yes" for both.

Great. I arrived at Fuji Xerox which the cab driver told me that's the nearest named building. 6th storey - Prudential!! Surprise!! Initial curiosity turned into horror as i realised this couldn't be the company i applied for the postition of Management Executive. So this is their new method of recruiting financial planners? Management Executive? Anyway I started calling the number that was received via caller ID and no one picked up. For 60 freaking minutes while I was floundering around continously asking for directions on the building called Fujitsu Towers and calling SingTel Yellow Pages in the process as while.

Second interview was excellent. AppleOrchard will be the outlet where I will be receiving my training should I be selected for the job. And I would like to forsee myself playing an active role in Apple products especially for Customer Service. A friend of mine advised me against it though because sometimes it's not about working in an MNC that will bring color to your resume but more importantly what jobscope had been that make you a much more valuable worker when you apply for a better paid job. She suggested that I take up Recruit Express offer for Business Development Corporate Executive. Sounds pretty big shot huh. Her explanation giving that I might actually learn more at Recruit Express given the highly stressed environment and the fast-paced working speed. I do hope I haven't disappointed her with my replies though. Gotta admit I didn't answer most of her answers directly because I never make any assumptions for any matter.

Ah well, I just hope that Apple can match the offer I'm asking for the starting basic pay. If that really happends I would not have to bother with Recruit Express or even Prudential for any further matters.

Cross my heart and clasp my hands. Heaven help me.

Happy Val and Shell-shocked me. LOL Kiddin Val. Love the company you've brought to me so far. Honest and bare truth.

Un-Regenerated

2006-06-21T08:59:00.000+08:00

Well hurray, I'm officially down with a serious bout of flu and sore throat and dry cough [the extent of coughing though threatens to pulverise my lungs and squeeze the last breath out] not being helped with the fact that my Mum has been nagging non-stop for me to go see the doctor. Not me to exactly believe in medications for cough and flu, I stubbornly refused.

Tuesday was a pretty eventful day for me actually. Woke up in the morning feeling kinda of dizzy and weak - the symptoms of falling sick for sure but still logged on to send out some email resumes. Cross my heart and clasp my hands. I hope they receive replies soon.

Peter has dropped the bomb on my surprise of the day. He has started playing Maple Story! tHaT is indeed something I would have never expected in my whole life. I mean, half the time he is running around rushing to dance practises. Hiphop.. Jazz.. Ballet.. Chinese Dance.. And yes, his infamous nick of "The One who never sleeps" reinforces the fact that 18 hours a day he is involved in some dance practise or another. While others admire his passion for dance and his resolute iron will in pushing himself for continous improvement both technically and versatilly, at times I would just express a show of concern for his health for there is so much a human body can achieve within a period of time. As a direct translation from a chinese proverb - The Rest serves to walk a longer distance.

So in the early morning I spent slightly more than an hour to help Peter familiarise with certain key controls of the game and helped him to achieve Level 8 at a faster rate as well. My apologies to Loretta for forgetting to reply her earlier though. After the reminder SMS beeped did I realise, sent out an immediate apology.

As I went out of the house, I realised my body was indeed not taking kindly to all the additional stress that I am heaping upon. The running nose would not stop, the cough would not cease and the dizziness would not fade. Took me an effort just to select the cake and purchase it. Just for clarification - I was on my way to NYP and there was a selected celebration for two StageArts [SA] seniors named Sherry and Jianghao who were going to enjoy their birthdays on both 21st and 22nd respectively.

As I reached NYP, I deposited the cake with Rene's Dad [her father owns a drinks stall in one of the NYP Canteens] before proceeding to locate the DC people so that I can watch their performance titled "Reach" for today. When I entered the dance studio they were already dressed in their costumes [obviously since they already had a morning performance] with Loretta, Priscilla and Evon and.. was her name Shiping? huddled in a group taking group pictures. Soon I was included in the photo-taking session as well. Hmmm. Overheard someone asking where I am from and the reply was "StageArts" LOL. Guess I am really becoming identified with StageArts more and more now.

Pondered back to my ex-SIM Dance Club President's sms which requested me to go back to dance for the student week orientation item. Should I continue to perform for them? Despite knowing that most of them are simply not caring two-hoots about how the club would progress? There were a few really committed and passionate memebers who were the main reasons why I continued during that time to push most of my time in helping them. Both as a committee member and as one of core performing teams. Granted our performance team alone was bonded but I have to admit the committee is absolutely horrendous when it comes to maintaining members' follow up and liaison protocols. You just don't recruit members and then expect them to stay with you when you don't attempt any distinct forms of bonding with them. To me, the dance club was more like a profit-based organisation then an actual dance group with a distinct culture. I wondered how many of the performance members they managed to call back this time - haven't asked the rest of my team members yet.

Despite some protests from Yeeshan and Bathildes, I continued to take the juniors for class today. My first announcement to them is I am very sick today and if I can match or even exceed their energy level in dance be prepared to be shamed. Could see their looks of stress surface immediately. LOL. At least they showed lots of fighting spirit today and even managed to finish a short chereo on the spot. Yeeshan and Firdaus came up with a spontaneous decision of doing "battling" where there was teasing, baby freezes and lots of cheering. I practically collasped on the dance studio floor the moment the class ended breathing so heavily that Rene and another gal whom I could not remember came over to ask if I was ok. All fuzzy and giddy and no distinct ability at recognising for a while.

Booked a cab, reached home. Ran out of flu medicine, took some cough syrup and washed up. Concussed on the sofa for a few hours before dragging my absolute dead-tired body unto my bed at 3am plus.

A picture paints a thousand words
A face that launches a thousand ships

Doest thou ever wonder
A picture can paint the lives
of a thousand lifetimes
Over and Over again

Like a tapestry weaving in the loom
Needling the shuttlers
Picking out the cockleburs
To complete a life story

Doest the picture we paint
depicts the tapestry complete
Doest Un-Regenerated characteristics
break the walls of solidarity

If we are the weavings on the loom
and life is like a tapestry
Let not stray strands split ends
and end in a split

Rest and Re-Creation

2006-06-18T10:32:00.000+08:00

And so the new journey begins - the end of my 4 year journey which was earmarked by endless hours of mugging for exams, working a full-time day job, struggling to drag my feet for night lessons, stretching and dancing, jogging and swimming.

That doesn't mean I'll stop all these activities just because my UOL degree course of study has ended. From PSB Academy to Stansfield College to Singapore Institute of Management [SIM] it seems I have virtually toured almost every major institution in Singapore that offers this external degree programme.

I wondered how I survived this 4 year oredeal of excruciating tolerance for the tight time management. Got a congratulatory pat from Peter on my achievement. Well it didn't come easy. I took up this degree course shortly after the break-up with my ex-girlfriend whom.. I do not wish to invoke too much memories of her. It took me almost 2 years just to gather the courage to clear my room of all associated memories. And of course a further one year just to realise I should move on and perhaps find a new partner.

The introduction of dance to me was something that I didn't plan at all. The initial phase of introduction was extremely embarrassing and somewhat painful because I still remembered my first dance class was a hiphop class which was all girls - teacher included of course. All eyes riveted on me as I entered the class and a following 6 more months of feeling isolated until an obvious improvement instigated some friendly conversations with a few of the students asking me how did I practise. The rest is history with a central figurine of role modelling in my dance years - Mr Peter Teo. Much would never have been accomplished without him. He has always been someone whom I can definitely label as a mentor in terms of dance knowledge and trainer.

So I stand today a new crossroad in my life. A goal to reach - but the end does not seem in sight yet. How many more years can I afford? The finishing line just does not seem to be a calculable option which would have aided greatly in making me feel secure in my whatever decisions.

It's been a hectic week of events indeed. From the previous sunday till tuesday night I've been mugging for the final two exam papers and definitely insufficient sleep due to late nights and disturbed state of mind. Then the mayhem starts on wednesday night till last night where almost every night I'm out with friends and staying up chatting till wee hours of the morning. The BBQ for Josh's birthday was the last straw and today I'm awakened with a bad dry cough and sore throat. Ironically, I hardly touched the BBQ food last night.

Confusion reels in and hardened walls break down
The sudden continous acting of a clown
To capture the attention? To create good impressions?
Or to simply drown oneself like a Fool of Ignorance?

They say ignorance is bliss
And Purity of Soul Happiness
But the heart is clouded in a mist
despite the truth realized and continously quizzed

So tell me now why thoust the beat
that lie within thine chest
so closely entwined with the pounding
that resonates within my ears

Put forth thy hand and accept this kiss
Sweetly softly implanted upon thy tender hands
Is it any wonder that the sage
chooses to act the clown because of thus?

- To this new group of friends. Cheers.

Ponder and Wonder

2006-06-12T18:31:00.000+08:00

A weekend of pumping last minute revision for Management Mathematics filled me with hopes. Felt confident that I must have understood the essence of the questions that I had been cracking my brains over the past few days. With the addition of help from a friend to enhance my understanding of past year questions, wherest thou grounds for doubt in failure?

Alas, hopes were meant to be dashed. Thus reinforcing the clarity of proof that revision can never be enough. Or rather never trust pride, especially on your weakest subject. A glance at the paper in the examination hall raised the initial hopes for the topics which I studied came out as predicted in 60% of the paper, a hope which fuelled my desire to score. As the reading continued into further details, glooms of despair clouded my being of conciousness and I slipped slowly into the sinking depths of oblivion. Deeper and Deeper, resisting an impulse to tear the paper and loudly declaring I have never appeared in the examination hall at all.

Furrowing of brows as I stroved to decipher the ambiguous meanings that eluded my sense of comprehension, silently muttering a prayer that I would swear off all future symptoms of undevoted efforts to doing the right priorities. Chanting after chanting of self-encouragement. "I will not fail, I will not be defeated by these questions. I have not come so far just to be defeated by this one single paper."

Slowly but steadily the brain registered the strong pulsing of the heart and drove itself ever further to boost additional intelligence, despite having exhausted itself from a full 16-hour ordeal of revising and revising past year questions. The slight throbbing increased in volume and the breathing came in slight but short breaths. The grip on the pen intensified whilst the lips went dry. Slowly but steadily the pupils strained itself to scan the questions over and over again, to decipher the greek codes and to attempt the question - step by step. Slowly and steadily the writings appeared on the answer sheet, increasing the confidence of the examinee in seat no. 399 of the Expo Gateway Hall 7.

The announcement came, the flurry of examiners descended upon the multiple rows of students. Some were tying their answer sheets, some were simply sitting back into their seats staring into blank spaces. If the eyes are the windows to the soul then they must have been attacked by a vampire. The glazed look, the pale skin and the absolute stillness of their frame. Drained. Defeated. Devoid of life.

As I paced my footsteps outside the examination, my mind was screeching a thousand "what ifs" and waves after waves of self-reproach was heaped upon my conscience. Like the deadly tsunami that claimed so many lives in 2004, this tidal terror of bereavement. As the song of Corrine May's "Fly Away" sprung into tune inside my head, the height of the tide rose to impending heights threatening to drown my conscience in a everlasting world of underwater twilight.

Ponder and Wonder. Shuffle and Shrug. Not knowing where to go.

Encouragement, came in an SMS which left me wondering if there must be an angel watching over me. "One last paper, all is not lost. All the best to your final wednesday paper!" Perhaps, the timing could not be more perfect. Or rather, it could be just a coincidental SMS from a classmate who wants to encourage everyone in her contact list. For now, I shall indulge in a small bout of self-delusion and spur my tired spirit for one last lap.

All is not lost, perhaps.

P.S. Special thanks to Sherry who accompanied me for a simple late lunch. Your company was the mitigating factor for the smile on my face.

Ballooney

2006-06-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

I have 2 more papers to complete my entire examination period - and I cannot concentrate well for this whole day. I deserve to be shot.

Ah well, jus sharing some simply lovely pictures that I encountered on a forwarded email from a friend. E n j o y.

I am simply over-whelmed with laughter when I saw this particular. Miss P, this one's specially dedicated to you. LOL.

Alrite, back to books. Damn Matrices.

Celebrations

2006-06-05T08:48:00.000+08:00

It's been a surprising weekend - at least for me.

Just some main details of the little activities that has happened for me over the weekend includes a movie treat of X-Men3 : The Last Stand from Daniel my best buddy. In fact the little irony is I was kinda feelin down and frustrated because of the crying from the baby inside my house. Long Story. Main gist is the baby's my 2nd elder brother's and she's been stayin in my house for as long as I can almost remember since she's born. Just in the daytime - kinda makes my house a child care centre I would admit. So I packed my bag and went down to Nanyang Polytechnic [NYP] Library to study instead. Found much better concentration there. Only drawback is I can only stay inside till 5pm before I scoot or risk being locked inside. I don't have the student pass [obvious right?]. And there you have it, his call came when I was about to finish my revision around 4plus pm. Basically he was insistent on 'celebrating' my birthday somehow like a dinner treat or something so I told him a movie treat would do just fine. I did want to catch Over The Hedge initially 'cause I wanted to catch X-Men 3 together with Huajing but there were no immediate showtimes available. Given a choice between Benchwarmers and X-Men 3 who would you choose?

I believe you have made your choice.

In short, a dinner meal at Ajisen Ramen [Junction 8] and a movie treat then I went straight to continue my studies for my upcomin papers. Sigh.

Saturday was a big surprise to me because Peter [a dancer whom I'm currently attending his classes for basic jazz and stretching techniques at NYP on thursdays] asked me if I can come down to NYP for formulating chereography on Chroma X [the Hiphop Dance Team which I'm currently with for competitions] for the upcoming Suntec Dance Competition so I agreed to spare some time since I figured it won't take long. Little did I know that when I was outside the dance studio Valerie came out an Oreo Cheesecake birthday cake and everyone from StageArts [doin 'volunteer work' with for helping with dance trainings] erupted into the singing of Happy Birthday to me. Man.. Initial Shock gave way to Happiness after a while and.. yeah that warm feeling in my heart was indescribable man. Tops.

After the little birthday celebration was over I know.. I should have gone straight home but I hung around NYP for a while and went with Priscilla and Loretta to Dance Company's [DC] clubroom and hmm.. kinda became a little hyper there. Not the usual me definitely. Poor Priscilla was at my receiving end of my antics. Had a lot of fun with Evon drawing on the whiteboard till we realised we used permanent marker and frantically used whiteboard markers to draw over and erase out drawings amidst shrieks and laughter.

Sunday. Hmm.. A KTV session with Synergy friends [Edwin, Fong Hong, Huipei, Huiyu, Dulcia] and Huajing @ Orchard Cineleisure's K-Box. We went because they had the K-Lunch Offer of 11-2pm for free KTV singing with just a lunch set purchase of $8+ per person. Not a bad deal at all I would say. The only sacrifice I can think of is you have to wake up pretty on Sunday mornings [this pun is intended to those who wake up later than 1pm on sundays!] heh. After the KTV session, walked to Far East Plaza's Subway where they sang my B-day song and shared this fruit cake [a small one because there're only 6 of us sharing]. Staff was not too friendly though. I'll take note. Had to leave early though because I was giving tuition at 7pm to a Primary 1 kid who stays at Serangoon area. His name is Bryan. Cute kid, have a feeling he's gonna be quite good-looking when he grows up.

End of the day activity - Met Huajing at my bus stop to return the jacket to her because she left it inside my bag after the KTV session so she came down from her house to meet me to collect back. We chatted for a while before I walked her to the bus stop and waited for her bus.

I didn't know why I feel this way
I didn't want to know why perhaps
You didn't manage to hide that tear when you walked in front of me
And I didn't know why I didn't hold you then
Perhaps
I just didn't want to know why

P.S. Miss P, thanks for your 'last birthday wish of the day' message. LOL.

Amidst

2006-05-26T08:12:00.000+08:00

Twirls of feet and waving of hands
Searches of words, past and present tense
Little wonder do confusion reigns
amidst a time of agony's domains

The times that were shared belittled none
Of teasing, chase and daylight runs
So wonders of wisdom give me insight
Does uncertainty weaken my resolve to fight

A Need of motivation
A Need of Encouragement
A Constant Struggle of Wills
Amidst a whirlpool of dissentment

Gritting of teeth
Tension of Veins
Trickle of perspiration
Bloodshot Eyes

But a moment of rest
to savour the ambiguity
Knowing not what lies ahead
is a moment of bliss

For Ignorance is Bliss
To Fools who laugh
But just how many
can laugh of purity?

Amidst the Giant Rat Race

The New Turn

2006-05-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

And so it stands - 22nd May 2006 that I have walked this far. 4 years of education with me changing 2 different institutions. First PSB Academy which folded after a pioneer batch which led to me changing my UOL Degree venue of study to Stansfield College located behind Park Mall [opp Dhoby Ghaut MRT] and finally here at Singapore Institute of Management [SIM].

By 14th June I would have completed my final exam paper thus ending the 4 years of University Education. Walking 29 winters to complete a Tertiary Education might not sound impressive in most standards I presume.

What's rebounding in my cellular poundings is the next turn which awaits me. At this age of uncertainty where most young hot-blooded men would have cooled and start to plan their career paths here I am embarking on a entirely new journey with perhaps only 3 years of solid experience in frontline customer service and service recovery to call my own. Is the path walked by many successful people be mine as well? Does the inarticulate mind deserve a path of opportunity as well? Only time can tell.

How so lies the factor of determination and hard work? The peserverance and the strong faith? Will fate inevitably play sport and simply laspe me back into square one where I would be no different from any A Level holders? 4 years of education have taught me so much. Not so much of academic qualifications but more on a journey of discovery. Of Self and beyond Self. Wherein lies the window to self-fufilling prophecies have only reinforced my doubts about my true potential.

The Song of Corrine May's "Fly Away" kept repeating in my head. A Mother's love had supported her son which wishes to fly away to further his ambitions despite him knowing his mother's health is failing. A weak heart and a lonely soul which wishes for nothing more than to snatch more glimpses of her prodigal son which heart had been stolen by dance for more than 3 years. Of Dance, part-time work and studies which predominantly occupies his time and attention. Of the sweat and tears which he had shed in hope for a better display of techniques. Of a mother's silent mourn for her son's attention which he understood but knows not how to reciprocate except to sit down by the table amidst a silent meal.

Random thoughts by-passing. So many things to do. So little time.

I wish - I have the wisdom to see the next turn. The next turn which would set me on the right path. Of 29 winters, grant me the wisdom to choose the path to spend the next 29 winters wisely. Of this I wish, from the bottom of my heart.

Quality of Life

2005-12-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old University of Notre Dame lecturer.

Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.

While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

"What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups.

"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
-----------------------------
Cheers

Uncomprehending

2005-12-02T12:36:00.000+08:00

Quit searching for the archives, I haven't provided a link to them that's why. Wonder why? Simple - because the past is not worth recollecting. You experience it, learn from it and then you move on. Keeping records of it would probably only refresh the continual memories of it be it good or bad.

A Chronic Sense of Loneliness has over-taken me. I'm not even sure if this entry was meant for just another outburst or simply a pause in my life to attempt to create a frozen frame aka Matrix Effect. Freeze the time and let everything become crystal clear. Seize the moment and maixmise the effects of revelations.

Raising the palms and curling them into fists, tensity but no additional motion. Knuckles whitening and fingers tightly clenched, fingernails digging slowly into the moist skin characterised by sweaty palms. Muscles showing faint green veins coming into view.

Teeth clenched.

Eyes are dazed and unfocused, staring. Staring at white sheets of paper peppered with lines and lines of black symbolic patterns. Characters. Familiar yet repulsive. A faint dose of nausea and a bout of slow anger.

Staring at the symbols attempting to make sense of the impending madness.

Pupils becoming dilated, the iris scanning over the symbols trying to create interaction. Electronic signals are giving constant negative interpretations. Buzz after buzz of wrong signals, confusing the brain, sending widespread pandemonium throughout the information highway. Massive traffic jam and a scene of chaos. No moderator in sight, no traffic control.

The fist crashes down onto the table, teeth clenched still.

Faster and faster, the iris scans the symbols while the intenity of the buzz elevates dramatically. Tiny beads of sweat droplets forming on the high forehead, collating slowly as they gain weight and slide down integrating with one another until it becomes a visible sweat droplet.

A swift motion of the sweeping arm, files are sent crashing to the marble-tiled floor.

Crouched into a corner, allowing the darkness to celebrate its victory with it comrade Madness.

Crouching, shivering.

Hyun Joon

2005-11-18T01:55:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how those robotic dancers move?

Be amazed.

Rollercoaster

2005-11-06T20:49:00.000+08:00

A resolution to complete all remaining assignments and essays due.

Strengthened by the fact that I'm probably gonna be ignored a lot more often nowadays. Consolation? The strong beats of Fatboy Slim's "Renegade Master" and Deepest Blue's "Give it Away" accompanying my drooping eyelids whenever I attempt to paw through endless piles of notes and readings.

My team for the World Cyber Games had made it through to the Semi-finals. *Wry smile* Given the number of teams present it would be disastrous if we could not even made it through the preliminary rounds. General praises were given for our chereo transitions and formation changes. Unfortunately, we have no highlights to speak of and our costumes were commented as "bland" by Patrick.

I couldn't agree more.

Sun shades to enhance our overall image giving us a more futuristic look. A jacket to replace our current colour T-shirts so that we look "bigger" on the dance stage in the Semi-final rounds. Fine-combing needed for chereography details.

An online friend has given me a sudden beep to asked about my well-being. She sensed that I'm slowly sliding into mild depression. Of Sweetness and the Bitter Aftertaste. Of Clouds of Gray and restrained Contact and finally Of Moods, decisions, words and hurts. Even sent me a sketch of a young fair lady, gentle stirrings and sudden happiness, like a sudden glow amidst the gray shadows.

"When you think you're bad enough, there'll be others worse off than you."

Though it might sound like I'm elevating my own misery at the expense of others, it did make me feel slightly better. The rollercoaster rides didn't seem so scary anymore.

In addition, 2 other friends' good cheer and beaming messages did bring some good cheer back into my heart. Guess that's the power of friends.

A step forward. Rejuvenation.

A longer step.

Encouraged.

A step short of Paradise

2005-11-02T00:09:00.000+08:00

Hurray, I have jus spent my first holiday in months. Funny thing is - I didn't feel it. A case of having too many "school days" on my hands to the extent that I don't feel the difference between holidays and school days anymore? But why shouldn't I? After all, I still need to travel on school days. Of dragging my tired and weary body to the gray and black marble building that holds classes for thousands of students. Some aspiring to achieve first class honours while some others are simply there to "get a degree" without even thinking why they are really there in the first place. How technocratic.

Jus recovered [well not totally but much better as compared to the first day of sickness] from a very severe bout of food poisoning. Was in pain from 9am+ in the morning till about 4pm+ in the late afternoon. Then when the excruciating pain finally subsided I began to run a high temperature. I began to feel faintly unconciousness, not in the fainting spell kind but more of not exactly knowing what's going on around yourself and I could actually feel myself beginning to slur a few words once or twice. The lucky thing was - she was around to take care of me. Of such sweetness that had never filled my heart now empowered myself. Body and Soul. Constantly my body was raging and failing but my mind tells me - Be strong and get well. You have someone who worries about you. Do not disappoint her.

The following day she came over again. This time to ensure that I was much better than yesterday. She even brought over a Movie VCD titled "Everlasting Regret" starring Sammi Cheng & Leung Kar Fai. It was a movie which I wanted to catch badly with her company but alas, school; dance and other commitments kept us tied up until the cinemas had stop their runs on showing this movie. Such disappointment. Which was immediately dispelled when I saw her take the VCD out of the slim whitish-gray plastic bag.

However, after the movie, she became strangely quiet. Attempts at gentle questioning would not obtain a response. Heartbeat rate rose, slight waves of doubt arose and the head began to throb. There was no definite symptoms of rejections for hands were still held as I walked her to my house bus stop. Despite repeated attempts to coax an answer out of her, the firm reply was, "Nothing."

An sms beeped on my mobile enquiring if I had slept, my usual reply "Sleepin soon, you sleep soon k?" A call followed and few more enquiries followed asking if I had faithfully followed my medication, a slow smile played on my lips as I was savouring the sweetness which was still tantalising my soul.

"I want you to know that I didn't feel worried that you were sick. I would have taken care of you as the same even if you had been a good friend. I just didn't want you to feel too happy."

Words. Words. Words. Paradise. Then a step short.

A step short.

Back to Basics

2005-10-11T00:56:00.000+08:00

Well this will probably be my final layout.

No I'm not going to commit blogicide. It's just that I really can't find sufficient time to constantly change the layout of my blog. Perhaps I'm just wanting to concentrate solely on posting reviews that would require more attention from me than simply trying to customise some fanciful layout which simply drains my energy away when I could have devoted this amount of time into posting some meaningful topic instead. So many topics have crossed my mind but have slipped me by. So many moments I wanted to crystalise onto my blog and I could not find a good time to sit down and properly blog about it.

Ironically, this is a bad time to blog about my thoughts.

I lost a handphone pouch given to me by my girlfriend. I left my keys in the dance studio and I had to wake my parents up at 12:47am in the morning. My right knee is still feeling the slight swell from the cartilage [hope I spelt it correctly] wear-down and it's causing me slight movement problems. I'm still undecided about taking up a post to develop a dance club or to pursue a dance scholarship offered to me by a studio and I'm not having sufficient communications with my girlfriend. My assignments are all due and I have not started on them yet because of a particular project report which burnt basically my weekend away and I still have 8 days of newspapers to catch up on because I need to constantly updated about current affairs due to a particular module of mine which talks about global economics.

This is obviously a post solely for grousing.

I'm just feeling unusually grouchy. I want to sit down and think over some matters carefully but the pace of my life is simply moving at breakneck speed. And in another 7 months time I will be doing my final year examinations and then I will have to face the merciless world of capitalism once again. To step forward into the battlefield of office politics and competitive performance appraisals.

Can I possibly muster enough courage? Enough strength to stand tall? To roar my laughter against the winds of change? Of adversaries and uncertainty?

I need her. God I miss her already.

New Layout [again]

2005-09-24T11:32:00.000+08:00

Long absence.

It's supposed to make the heart grow fonder.

Well it works for me and my girlfriend but not for all matters. I dread dragging myself to school early in the morning for lectures. After several years of absence from being a full-time student I'm now officially a full-time student again but it's only for a one year period. Final year exams are due by May 2006 and by Aug/Sept I will get my transcript and be ready to face the working world with a proper degree.

Friend of mine who saw my new layout said it's too feminine for a guy. Makes me wonder - Having a flower as my main picture is feminine? Well to be honest it's only in the recent years that I started to develop a slight liking for flowers. Ok before you guys start blasting me and saying I'm becoming gay let me put up a defense first - I'm perfectly straight with a girlfriend whom I adore and can't wait to see her everyday. In fact we're trying to stay from one another at times for fear we would spend too time with one another and restrict our own social circle in the process.

I guess it kinda started with dance. When I received my first flower from some dance mates as little gift for pre-performance motivators i was visibly embarrassed because 'guys' dont get flowers as gifts. At least that was my stereotyped thinking before i immersed myself actively in the dance community. However as the number of performances increased it became a norm for me. In fact, when I did my first performance with the SIM Dance Club for their student week performance I gave all my dance team members a yellow-orange carberra [hope i spelt it correctly] as pre-motivator gift. I could immediately their faces light up with smiles.

For the girls that is.

There was a guy in the dance team but he was kinda awkward at receiving the flower. *Smiles* So me as like when I received my first flower as well.

So.. that's probably the first thing that came to my mind when i decided to sit and down after a long absence from all my concert performances.. competitions.. and the ironic thing is.. the more i immerse myself in the dance community the more i realise its not exactly a bed of roses either. Dance groups do play power politics amidst one another as well, which is sad to me because the dance community in singapore is so small its almost like out of 10 people in the dance community you're likely to know at half the amount if not more when you're active enough for a consistent amount of time. Shouldn't we unite to make the scene a more "vibrant" place as what the State had been advocating recently? Our time has arrived - Dance is the mainstream trend-setter now with hiphop taking the lead and jazz and social dancing taking the close lead behind.

Well.. gotta go prepare already. I've got a commercial show at 7plus later and 4pm is the meeting time for technical stage runs and sound system checking. Adios amigos and see u guys around.

Temporary Stasis

2005-07-27T21:07:00.000+08:00

24th July marked the end of the 7th Asia-Pacific Dance Competition organised by The Commonwealth Society of Teachers of Dancing [CSTD]. Most of the categories were of modern dance nature with some fusion from ballet and jazz as well.

Unfortunately their main website was down so I compensated by posting a picture of their publicity poster.

Although we were rather disappointed at not being able to secure a winner in the Open Category, we were rather glad that the winner was from a Ballet Dance Company based at Manila, Philippines. Apparently they have 4 male dancers who had already secured a minor fan base with some of the girls in our dance group. I sincerely believed they deserved it as well, given the amazing techniques that they showcased.

A combined picture of our Fast Forward Team and the "Angels" [Team name] from our affiliated Dance Synergy. I trust you should not have too much difficulty recognising the potential costumes for which team.

That also brings me to the main point of my post today. I am now declaring a state of temporary stasis for my blog because I am going to revamp the blog layout for my dance group Fast Forward [yes you can click on the link to view the current state of construction].

I'm not sure how long it would take to properly complete it because I am rather limited in my personal knowledge of blog designs and html codes. Moreover I'm talking about a total makeover because this time the design will be fixated and be presented for future potential sponsors who would like to take a look at the blog. Anyone has any idea if flash can be supported on blogspot?

Rest assured though this doesn't mean I'll phase out totally because I'll still find time to drop by your blogs and read your posts and leaving a comment or two as well.

Note: Final Photo has been removed.

Carpe Diem folks, I'll seeya around soon.

Alternate Meanings

2005-07-15T09:05:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with an old friend yesterday and we came to realise that sometimes out in the working world certain terms offered aren't just what they really seem to be. Let me quote some examples -

"I'm a very meritocratic person"
What they might mean is - You don't perform, out you go asshole.

"We believe in democracy of opinions"
What they might mean is - We [supervisors] can speak freely and you just need to listen to them.

"We can offer you the expected salary"
What they might mean is - Work your ass off and no overtime pay including weekends as well and yes you might be able to get your salary on time.

"You can expect attractive remunerations and benefits"
What they might mean is - Claim for any medical fees beyond $XXX and the rest is on your own.

"You should be able to enjoy a 5-day work week"
What they might mean is - Even if you have to come back on weekends to finish up your work you will do that without complaints.

"Rest assured we will understand that you're studying night courses"
What they might mean is - Just make sure you finish your stuff before you leave, even if it means staying until 9pm and your class is from 7-9pm.

"Do you have any medical history?"
What they might mean is - If you're not healthy enough to slog for us then.. next!

"What is your expected salary range?"
What they might mean is - You had better not be too greedy or.. next! [again; fine I shall not use this line anymore]

"We would take your offer into consideration"
What they might mean is - You just sit in one corner and freeze your butt off waiting for our reply.

And of course.. this one had the deepest impression on me!

"Salary is negotiable"
What they mean is - The lower the better.

Disclaimer: Comments are not to be generalised.

Singapore Dance Theatre's production titled "The Little Mermaid" on 10th July. Absolutely Lovely. Sigh~

Deviant Desire

2005-07-11T09:37:00.000+08:00

Ever wished you were different from the rest? The ability to "stand out" from the crowd with some unique characteristic that would differentiate you from the normal, average person who walks on the street and no one would give a second glance nor turn their heads to look after passing by?

Some people labelled these subjects [those who seek attention] as "attention whores" which of course we have heard this term raised fairly often from a well-known local blogger. Other terms that might have been coined are terms like "exhibitionist" and "show-off".

Exhibitionist - ex·hi·bi·tion·ism
1. The act or practice of deliberately behaving so as to attract attention.
2. Psychiatry. A psychosexual disorder marked by the compulsive exposure of the genitals in public.

Oh dear, I never realised there're actually sexual innuendos attached to the meaning of the word. Words indeed are sharper than a double-edged sword at times.

Well then, what gives rise to this compulsive behaviour? The desire to attract attention that is; not the psychosexual disorder.

The most common explanation given is perhaps that the personality of the intended subject had been deprived of the needed attention at a very early stage[usually assumed from childhood]. It would sound logical enough because it is often widely acknowledged that we covet what we do not possess just that it varies in intensity as according to specfic individuals.

I would not like to call it so much as personality driven but rather the amount of education and self-reflection that the individual has been exposed to. For example, the category of education need not necessarily refer to academic texts but they can stem from life's education as well. If you had been educated in the ways of the street it is possible that you would be very clear about certain consequences when you perform certain actions. The upcoming Reality TV show "The Apprentice" has advertised in its second season that they will pit the "Street Smart" versus the "Text Smart" thus I am inclined to believe they're testing the potential of these two extreme forms of education.

Now then, back to the possible reasons for wanting attention.

I titled this post "Deviant Desire" simply because I hold the belief that people who wanted attention is simply because they wanted to be different. What about the logic that they were deprived of attention since they were young? Simple, because they did not stand out from the rest of the siblings [under the assumption that it's a very large family]. For nuclear families especially the case of a single child it could possibly mean that the parents could not regard the child as a different state of required attention in comparison to the other priorities they might have in their lives; meaning to say that the parents could not differentiate the need to pay attention to their child any different from the need to pay attention to their work or hobbies or other priorities they would have.

Therefore their subconciousness tells them in order to get attention from your intended target, you must be different from the rest of the priorities that surround the intended subject's life. Thus the desire to deviate is born. This theory might actually provide some insight as to why some children choose to take the path of self-destruction - because they believe it makes them very different from the kids who simply go to school, eat from the school canteen, take classes then go home. The desire to deviate - skip classes, aneroxia and violent behaviour - reaches new levels of intensity and unfortunately the juvenile deliquent is born.

Can this desire be inborn? Meaning there are scenarios where rich kids with good grades in school and loving parents still deviate? Yes it is possible which in this case they could be suffering from "expected development" from peers and family members alike. Parents shower love and concern on the child expecting the child to shine, peers envy the loved child's background and likewise expects the child to shine as well. The child is thus led to believe they can only choose this path and the subconciousness might actually instigate the child to believe that if they develop as according to "plan" they would never possess anything "special" or "unique" that they can call their own. So they deviate.

Does this provide any alternate insight into the increasing number of cases of juvenile deliquency? I hope so. On a twisted perception, the continual emphasis on "creativity" might actually have an indirect influence as well because by nature, you have "deviate" from the norm before u can create. To create is to be original and to be original you have to be different from the rest.

It would appear then the current younger generation is pretty obedient in an ironic sense.

This is my state of exhibitionism that any restaurant who takes in our dance group for sushi buffet must be prepared for heavy losses. Oh by the way, that was not the full amount. Most of us were worried it might topple.

Joke of the Day!

Son : Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

Father: Sure son, what's the question?

Son : What is politics?

Father: Well, let's take our home for example, I am the wage earner, so let's call me the management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her government. We take care of your needs, so let's call you the people. We'll call the maid the working class and your baby brother we will call the future. Do you understand?

Son: I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid's room where, peeking through the key hole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father & the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to bed.

The next morning -

Son : Dad, now I think I understand politics.

Father: That's great son, explain it to me in your own words.

Son : Well Dad, while management is screwing the working class the government is sound asleep. The people are being completely ignored & the future is full of shit.

School Scenery

2005-07-06T10:08:00.000+08:00

Stumbled upon these forum threads when I was looking for online tips on how to appeal for my friend's renouncement of PR status. Well I'm not exactly familiar with his exact case details because I was informed of his predicament by his girlfriend.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was initially interested about the heated exchanges concerning the Foreign Talents [FT], Foreign Workers [FW] and the Permanent Residents [PR] and their possible benefits and work status in Singapore.

The titled links are as follows ~

Sg PR. Not happy here? Give-up PR loh!

Applications for NDP Parade available to PRs

However the discussion rapidly degenerated into varying areas like NUS Hostel seniors playing mind games with naive and nubile young maidens so as to transform them into sex toys, DSTA engineering the singapore population for the future and all the different genetic terms and explanations for inbreeding.

I'm stumped for words. However, you can read the thread for some mud slinging humour if you like. *shrugs*

After reading Anna's post on annoying things at work I've decided to categorise some people I have seen in my years of studying as well.

The Shrieker - She shrieks at the sight of a cockroach crawling approximately 10 metres away from her, she shrieks at a lizard which happened to run across her path, she shrieks at the fly which flew past her shoulder and she shrieks when some of us run across the road and she can't because she's afraid the cars will bang her despite the 100m difference.

The Slumberer - He sleeps in lectures, he sleeps in class. He sleeps while studying at Macdonalds and he'll probably doze off right in front of you while you're talking to him. The bed is his shrine and the pillow his stature of worship.

The Impressionist - She comes into school with the latest trends [think wearing wristbands without the slightest idea what they stand for], bitches loudly about poorly-dressed individuals and stops by a mirror [even though its a toilet mirror where the door happened to be opened wide] and starts to adjust her clothes, tug at the sleeves and turns left and right examining the different angles.

The Arnold - He walks with an air of natural superiority due to his bulging muscles and skin-fitting T-shirt because of those oversized cup-shaped things he calls "chest" & upon the slightest request he strikes a natural pose, flashes those big gums, teeth and lips and suddenly the air around your surroundings drops by at least 20 degrees celsius or more.

The Eminem - He's fair, thin and is always seen spotting a cap with the occasional over-sized cup things [pun intended] on his ears which he calls headphones blaring with the latest hiphop tracks. He walks around with a slight bop and swings the hand-sign for the thumb, first and last finger extended with the middle and ring finger closed [the sign for hiphoppers] and goes "Yo! Wats up dawg!" which I swear he makes my nerves get absolutely taut till the point I could wring his neck, strip his skin and leave him hanging on a limb. Hmm.. dat actually rhymes...

The Chocolate - He's rich, he can be nutty at times and he always thinks he can bring women lots of pleasure and sin at the same time. Often spotted to be hanging around female companionship and would usually be accompanied by a car. He loves to club and thinks nothing of offering to give a girl a lift from Jurong when he stays in Pasir Ris yet comes up with the most pathetic excuse for a lift to the nearest MRT which is, incidentally, along the way of some girl he happens to sending home from school.

And yes, yours truly - The rambling author who solemnly decides that all these blogging is affecting his rate of data entry and decides to fully go back to concentrating on finishing his work. Signing off.

Daniel Powter

2005-07-05T16:10:00.000+08:00

Muscles aching from continous training for an upcoming modern dance competition on 24th July, chereography's almost complete but the stretching and physical conditioning is getting tiring because the main focus of this chereography is "Long Movements" so our muscles need to be as soft and flexible as possible in order to maximise the visual effects of the chereography.

I swear I'm beginning to walk with legs slightly open. *Groans*

Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" had been stuck in my head with its infectious radio-friendly melody.

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus ~
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the brink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Chorus

Had a bad day (x5) to fade..

Note: Reading through a some threads on this forum called Young PAP on foreign talents [FT] ,foreign workers [FW] and Permanent Residents [PR]. More updating soon.

What Women Want

2005-07-01T14:05:00.000+08:00

Got this email from an online friend and decided to share it with you all, it's basically a humourous jab at ladies whose expectations varies as according to their respective age categories -

At Age 16
Must be Good Looking
Must own a Car
Must be tall
Must think that I'm very important to him
Must call or sms me at least once a day

At Age 20
Pleasant looking
Charming
Intelligent
Athletic
Financially Successful
Sweet and Understanding
Dresses in style
Cannot be bald
Pays for my purchases
Appreciates the good things in life
Full of surprises
An imaginative lover

At Age 30
Decent and preferably with hair
Opens the car door for me
Holds the chair when I sit
Can dine at a fancy restaurant every month
Laughs at my jokes
Carries my shopping bags
Appreciates home cooking
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Wants to make love at least once a week
[Oo.. parental guidance advised. LOL, jus kiddin]

At Age 40
Not too ugly, can be slightly bald
Has a stable job
Takes me out for dinner occasionally
At least nods his head when I speak
Able to use shirt to cover his stomach
Remembers to put down the toilet seat
Remembers to shave
Wants to make love at least once a month

Age 50
Trims his nose hair
Does not burp in public
Has sufficient savings to live normal life
Does not repeat same joke over and over again
Wears matching socks and changes underwear
Appreciates a good TV dinner
Shaves every now and then

At Age 60
Remembers where the toilet is
Not too expensive to maintain
[meaning relatively healthy I guess..?]
Must not snore too loudly
Must remember why he's laughing
Healthy enough to stand by himself
Must remember where he left his spectacles

And presenting our all time favorite granny!!

At Age 70
Must be able to breathe normally
Must hit the toilet seat when he pisses
Must be able to recognise my face
Must be able to remember my name

Disclaimer: The above reference is purely fictious and does not address any particular person or celebrity, if found to possess similar characteristics is purely a matter of coincidence.

Enjoy my friends. *winks*

Failed Flirtations

2005-06-27T13:02:00.000+08:00

These incidents actually happened about a week ago or slightly more, little snippets of life's humour so I'm sharing with you guys as well.

Incident No.1 - I posted an ad online recently to sell my old handphone, there were several enquiries but most offers were rather low until 2 nice gentlemen offered me much more respectable prices. Let's call them Mr V and Mr K.

Mr V was the earlier guy who offered me the best price so far and I was relatively keen so I contacted him. He seemed surprised to receive my reply so soon but reaffirmed his interest to purchase the handphone. However he asked for a discount which I turned him so the sms conversation was discontinued.

Few days later, Mr K emailed his interest as well. We exchanged smses and within 24 hours the deal was closed and the payment made.

Much to my surprise, Mr V messaged another few days to enquire if the handphone was still on sale so I replied it had been sold. His reply,"Wah, bey sui [Hokkien slang term for that was not very nice of you] never wait for me arh. Hehe."

I replied back that he did not confirm his interest so it was a first-come-first-served basis of course. Following which his reply was,"No choice lor. Hey, then u want to be fren fren with me?"

I do believe at this point of time most of you should realise where this conversation is heading.

My exact reply - "Dear V, just to let you know I'm a guy not a gal."

He never replied back again.

Is it my sensitivity? Or was he actually thinkin I'm a gal and tried to pick me up??

Incident No.2 - I was waiting at the bus stop near my house when a young fella whizzed by me on a bicycle. As he reached the bus stop for some reason he suddenly slowed down and circled behind the bus stop and stopped a little distance away. Following that, he whipped out his handphone and proceeded to make a call and started talking to his friend [I presume].

Perhaps like I said again, I might be rather sensitive but I seemed to think that he was faking his call. He was actually trying to get some "excuse" rather to look at this young lady [rather sweet girl if I may say so myself] and trying to smile though not directly at her.

Was he trying to appear charming to the young lady? He did look rather young though [by my guess secondary school?] and the young lady looked to be in her late teens [think 18 - 21].

The next moment confirmed all my suspicions.

His mobile rang, much to his shock.

He fumbled and almost dropped the handphone, regained his composure and answered the call and quickly cycled away.

I almost burst out laughing.

Sigh~ Come on people, share with me if you had beared witness to similar events of such nature. Loved to hear it.

Names

2005-06-21T13:23:00.000+08:00

For some reason I remembered a post Beautifuk ranted some time ago about names, which got me thinking - What's really in a name? What are the hidden forces, meanings, symbolism and possible encrypted languages even?

Did some sourcing around on the Internet and the first website that I landed on was this website titled Kabalarian Philosophy that offers free Name Analysis. Wow. Curioisity of the cat got the better of me and their analysis of my name is as below:

Although the name Julian creates the urge to be both logical and technical, we emphasize that it limits your versatility and scope, tuning you to technical details exclusively. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the elimination system, which can lead to other complications.

The name of Julian indicates you are a patient, meticulous person who enjoys working in a very detailed, systematic way, in such fields as mathematics, science, mechanics, computers, or engineering. You do your best work when there is no disruption, as you do not easily adjust to interference and changes once you start a project; also you like to work step by step at your own speed. Your infinite patience would allow you to develop intricate, involved skills to perfection. However, it is not easy for others to work and live with you as you deliberate so long in arriving at conclusions and allow small details to restrict your point of view.

Now in coincidence I had just posted a very recent entry about my personality - And according to my Character Analysis there are certain similarities like.. I enjoy working in a systematic way and I like to work at my own speed. I'm not so sure about allowing small details to restrict my because well, experiences with past projects would be more describing me as a "big picture kind of guy."

All right enough about me lest I start becoming narcissistic.

According to The Kabalarian Philosophy, the mind and thought have their origin in an abstract plane of conscious intelligence, which comes into manifest form through the symbols of language.

The brain is not the source of the mind, but merely the physical instrument of the mind. When name is attached to an individual, certain specific forces of conscious intelligence are combined. They constitute the nucleus of the mind. The conscious forces combined by the name can be represented by a numerical formula in much the same way as the basic chemical elements combined in a chemical compound can be represented by a chemical formula.

The mental characteristics of an individual can be read from the numerical formula representing the person's name, just as the characteristics of a chemical compound can be read from its chemical formula.

Ooh.. is it possible that a single name being bestowed to a baby since birth might inevitably determine his or her future? Guess what, even Brayden has a Name Analysis.

I wondered if Zoe Tay has ever consulted people on similar grounds when she was deciding the name for her baby.

Flashback

2005-06-20T15:06:00.000+08:00

A recent post by Jo which wondered about how we could experience the after-effects of our dreams initiated certain flashbacks of this recurring dream that I've had consistently throughout the years.

I was running through the walkways of my old HDB flat [think the really old 3-room flat kind] and I could definitely taste the fear that was stuck on the tip of my tongue. The pulsating heartbeat was so strong I could feel my temples ready to burst with the rapid vibrations, like a consistent beating of drums. Pounding. Pounding.

I just could not recollect what I was running from but whatever it was, it was striking fear deep into the very recesses of my soul. I was running, jumping from the stairs ala Yamakazi-style. Running for my dear life though I just can't understand why I didn't even look back. Think classical horror movies [Psycho or Friday 13th] where the victim is simply running and running without even daring to look back.

Was it because I was dead sure how the horror looked like? Who was it? Or what was it? Why was I even running in the first place? Why the walkway of my old HDB flat? Incidentally I remembered a scene from Batman which starred Val Kilmer [cant remember which part of the series it was] and he was confiding to this lady psychiatrist about the flashback of supposedly repressed memories. Is mine similar to his? Otherwise why would this dream replay itself continously over the years with intervals ranging from a several weeks to several months? It replayed itself so much till the extent I actually remembered certain details after I woke up.

I tried once to go back to my old HDB to try to understand why but that block had been upgraded so it didn't look the same anymore. I went to the exact same walkway but the feeling just wasn't the same.

However, it was the ending that spooked me till today. I would be running from.. whatever it was. Through different walkways into different stairways and I would always end up at the same wall of my old unit's walkway. A momentary pause, not sure whether to catch my breath or to have one last thought - And I would jump. Yes, I would simply climb up over the edge of the wall and literally just jump off. Like with absolute conviction that there is no other way left.

I could feel the wind roaring past my ears and my heart threatening to burst because of the sudden increase in gravity. It would pound like mad now and the vision below becomes blurred because of the strength of the wind coming against me and instantly dehydrating my pupils.

I never saw the ground. I would just wake up with cold sweat and a pounding headache and a slight heartache.

Thats how many times I had the dream till I could recount the details.

Tingly feeling of hair rising on its ends? =)

Personality

2005-06-19T19:55:00.000+08:00

I was trying to re-update up my resume when I came across a Character Analysis Profile that I had done some time ago at a Corporate Retreat, so I'm providing a main summarised version so as not to bore you guys but provide a more detailed idea of how I'm like at the same time.

I'm basically an 'Exploring' kind of person who will not be content with ordinary routines and I like to get new ideas and projects organised. Once they are up and running, however, I will probably turn to a new idea rather than stay with tested projects on a day-to-day basis.

I can become quite easily bored and like work with wide variety and I'm also likely to sociable and outgoing so something that involves lots of project meetings or meeting with people on a regular basis will be of interest to me.

I may from time to time, be a little impatient and want to push things at a fast pace. This means I will be seeking lots of new ideas and opportunities. I may deliberately set a number of projects running at the same time to fulfil my wide-ranging interests and energy. However, this will be balanced with a concern to make sure that things are finished, even if it means putting myself and others under a lot of pressure.

My ability to talk easily with others, combined with my ideas and concern for organisation, makes me often identified with group identities. I enjoy making major contributions to the team and prefers to chase an opportunity rather than focus on regular standardised tasks. As a result, I will often use my skills to persuade people to be as enthusiastic as myself about achieving those goals. I often get my best ideas evolved talking to people about it rather than sitting alone and thinking by myself.

Being more outgoing and creative means that I am usually seen by others as lively and outgoing and always coming forth with new ideas. Indeed there are occasions when people feel that I am putting forward too many new ideas and not allowing them to settle down the earlier ideas first. Therefore it is important for me to establish priorities otherwise one idea will overtake another without being developed properly.

I do place a lot of emphasis on logic and reason, and believe that other people should think things through in a similar way. It sometimes annoys me that others are not as communicative as me and I would thus find it diffcult to understand how they make their decisions. I would take a lot of trouble to justify my viewpoint, even when at times it might not really be required.

At times, I move so quickly, I might be seen as critical or demanding. My concern with the completion of the task might cause me to take short cuts. Due to my clear goal vision and personal conviction, I can get annoyed with others who do not share or even oppose my vision. I can be inlfuential in putting forward propositions but would need to work on my follow-up and follow-throughs.

*Whew*

I hope that had been pretty enriching. Till then, my peeps!

Multi-tasking

2005-06-07T23:08:00.000+08:00

There had been a special report on the Straits Times last Saturday about multi-tasking teens and how they could have possibly derived their influence from us - the adults.

However there has been no mention of which category poses the greatest influence. On one hand, the parents had formed the main core of complaints about teens performing impossible tasks of multi-tasking while on the other hand there were mentions about the filter of multi-tasking from the adult office area down to the homestead.

Consider this - the common practise in Singapore would be to wolf down mouthfuls of your lunch while remaining glued to your office PC. I cannot make a fair statement for my previous work experience was based on frontline Customer Service but I believe some of earlier work experiences as an admin clerk had similar experiences because we had to finish our data entry within a certain period or we would have to perform overtime - with no additional pay.

So I'm led to believing if you had to finish some marketing or business analysis report by 3pm [presuming there's a meeting later] it's not surprising you would be stuffing short mouthfuls of.. whatever you bought or even asked your colleagues to buy on your behalf while you continue rushing the report first.

As I did some reflection, it did cause mild cognitive dissonance within myself for a while because.. at work I have developed an attitude of "full concentration" on a particular matter simply because I'm communicating with another person and to fully understand the situation that the person in front of me is explaining requires full attention so that I do not miss details lest I make a bad decision due to uncertainty. On the other hand, it would appear rude to be doing something else in front of that person because if the client does not feel that you're giving him/her the desired level of attention then the consequences would be disastrous.

The contrary belief became evident when I stepped into my room - I turn on my hi-fi radio, log on to the internet, start my mp3 playlist of lounge music, flip the papers on my table [I usually wake up just in time to get prepared and go for work straight so I'd only read the papers after I'm home], start to download new mp3s, chat with friends, play online games, check and reply emails, download lecture slides and study them and it goes on till about 2am where I'm finally tired enough to log off and go to bed which is just right beside me.

Sounds similar to the featured teens? I guess this trend had been going on even much earlier with my generation which would mean most late 20s young working adults are in a pretty similar habitual situation.

However, the only difference I observed was this trend became evident mostly with friends of mine who had been exposed to higher levels of education say.. Polytechnic and above? Perhaps some causes are due to higher levels of expectations at accomplishing multiple priorities. As a featured teen explained her situation, she is a member of the student council, sings in her church choir, takes german classes and many other things. So when exposed to tertiary education you're expected to accomplish projects, accumulate extra-curricular activities' points, perform voluntary work and handle your school assignments and tutorials. These multiple priorities become very evident when you're staying in the University Hostel.

Am I instigating that the higher level of education you receive the more prone you are to multi-task? Certainly not, I'm only comparing myself to those featured teens and.. we're actually not that different despite being a full zoadiac cycle apart.

Guess the main barrier lies with the demographic sector of above 40s.

Credit Cards

2005-05-31T10:42:00.000+08:00

The Recent Straits Times Report on the Platinium War [May 28th 2005] raised my awareness of the Credit Consumerism in Singapore.

According to official statistics, there are 3.9 million credit cards issued in Singapore. Although on the average 1 out of 5 Singaporeans clear their credit cards payments in full by the end of each month it is the highest contributing factor of bankruptcy in Singapore with the last number totalling 21,877 according to Official Assignee [OA] figures.

From a different perspective, this means 4 out of 5 Singaporeans do not clear their credit payments on time. So far only one case scenario has been highlighted by The Straits Times in providing possible reasons why these people have defaulted on their credit payments.

According to Mr Leong Sze Hian, a financial planner, some possible reasons could be "..when there is some financial problem and an individual attempts to max out his cards... like drugs.. very hard to stop."

Therefore, as a responsible credit card user, you should understand the terms used by your issuing bank. Among those you're likely to find are the following:

Miscellaneous Fees
Some card issuers require an annual fee - the amount you must pay to get a card or to renew it every year. Some banks also charge fees for submitting an application, for being late with a payment, for taking out a cash advance, for exceeding your credit limit, or for maintaining a zero balance. Read your statement carefully so that you know all of the terms and conditions.

Grace Period
This is the number of days the bank allows you to borrow their money interest-free. Grace periods vary, usually from two weeks to 25 days, depending on the bank that issues the credit card. This period is usually applied to new purchases, but only if there is no old balance being carried forward. After the grace period expires, if you haven't paid your balances in full, interest can be accrued from the date of purchase.

Some cards do not offer interest-free grace periods, and you start incurring interest from the date of any purchase.

Cash Advances
The issuing bank or financial institutions treats cash advances like loans, not like purchases or merchandise. When you take a cash advance, interest begins to accrue differently - sometimes without a grace period and at a higher rate. Check with your card-issuer for cash advance fees and interests.

Interest Calculation
When you use your credit card, the issuing bank or financial institution is really giving you a loan for the amount of your purchases. The bank charges a fee - called interest - for using its money. The credit card company pays the travel agent or the furniture store within a few days of the transaction, and you must begin repaying the loan when your monthly statement arrives in the mail.

All interest charges can usually be avoided by paying the balance in full within the time limit specified on your statement. Check the fine print though, because some banks charge a fee for maintaining a "$0 balance" or don't have a "grace period".

If you choose not to pay all you've borrowed from the bank - banks call that "revolving the balance" - interest will be charged. Obviously, the quicker the balance is paid in full, the less interest is paid. Be sure to learn about the terms and policies of your credit card. Interest rates will vary by card, some may begin charging immediately without any "grace period". Some start charging interest from the date of transaction or the date when the transaction is processed in the system. Others may start charging interest from the date on your statement.

Banks use various methods to calculate interest, and it's up to you to learn how your bank computes these charges. Unlike a house mortgage or a car loan, credit card interest can be charged by the day or by the month.

If you do not pay the balance in full, interest on the unpaid amount, or revolving balance, will be added to the total amount owed. When this happens, you are paying interest on interest, also called compound interest. Any new purchases you make can be included in the total balance immediately and will begin to accrue interest from the date of purchase. If you have a large balance, paying only the minimum amount each month can be an expensive way to use your credit card.

Try to anticipate your credit needs. A few months before the holidays or before you head off on that dream vacation, start paying down your balance by sending in more than the minimum payment. When you begin charging holiday gifts or charging for your vacation, you won't be piling new bills on top of old ones, and there will be less chance of exceeding your credit limit.

Be sure to know what your APR (annual percentage rate or interest rate) is, and always include the cost of credit in your budgeting or money management.

So my friends, this is a little knowledge I can share with you. "Know yourself" should be the motto of anyone shopping for a credit card. A bit of research and a good deal of self-analysis of your credit needs and bill-paying habits should lead you to the right card. Regardless of which card you choose, use your card wisely, and repay your debts on time.

Me? I'm choosing to stick to my Debit Card.

Slimming

2005-05-25T15:13:00.000+08:00

I do believe some of us have discussed about this matter before but it left me disturned when I happened to watch a recent broadcast of some chinese variety show [or something of that nature] on TV Mobile.

A young lady who appeared to be in her mid-20s was pleading for a chance to "regain her confidence" because the host of the show was asking for interested personnel to write in with personal details and reasons stating why he or she should be given a chance to partake in the slimming programme that they are showcasing.

So she was accepted and underwent herbal treatments, spa and massaging with some nutrition facts and exercises.

She lost about 6kg after 6 weeks.

Now I recall - the show host was Irene Ang and what was the first thing she did when she lost weight? She went into a pub and sat alone and waited for guys to pick her up.

A feeling or revolt and disgust with a bitter taste in my mouth was the first thing I experienced.

If this is the reason she wanted the slimming programme in the first I say - Blessed be the Slimming Centres because you are going to have an addicted customer on your hands.

Firstly, allow me to comment on her eating habits - She snacks and she takes supper very often. No doubt some people are not able to put on weight despite the amount of food they take, she should be conciously aware that her body is obviously not very adapting to supper. Obviously she cannot break down the late night food fast enough thats probably one of the reasons why she puts on weight.

If she had experienced ridicule by her colleagues and family members and is suffering from emtional trauma by all the means go ahead. However, she has explained in details how she selects her clothes - Majority black. She is even aware of what positions are the best when sitting down so as to 'conceal' her flabby areas. This proves that it is her inferiority complex that is causing her distress not external environment or people.

She has no hobbies or sports remotely connected to exercise. Now why am I not surprised? I do believe if she does have a regular exercise routine even if the physical image is not exactly presentable the inner self would achieve some form of happiness because people who exercise regularly tend to have a better sense of self-confidence because they know that they are healthier and have a better appetite than most people.

In an additional note to the third point, a personal disposition of optimism can achieve better health and better appetites as well. Go on, take a look at the people around you. You would notice that healthy people or happy people tend to look at the people in the eyes or at the face direct. That's because they have a better sense of self-confidence.

She appears to be lacking in happiness and optimism from the way she describes herself though.

Pardon me for being peeved. I am not angry with her being pessimistic or having a sense of inferiority complex but rather, I'm peeved because the first thing she did when she 'lost weight' is to go to a pub and wait for guys to pick her up. The variety show has announced this as an 'official measure' of whether their programmes have worked.

Such sadness.

Questions

2005-05-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

Hi people,

I'm sure some of you have wondered why it takes me quite a while to continue the parts of the story i have started. Well the truth is, I'm preparing for my upcoming exams and the first paper starts this 12th May till 17th May following one darn stupid paper on 10th June.

I'll be creating a new blog for this story that I have started. Figured it should not clash with this current blog because I'm using this blog after all to blog about my thoughts and things that happened in my life.

In the meantime, my PC has also crashed. It won't even start up so here I am in an internet cafe [which i haven't been to one since God knows when] updating my blog while clearing my recently near over-flooded emails because I haven't been able to log on for a while.

This entry in its actual content is short [not]-

A question that looms inside my head and it won't go away.

Are people very disturbed once their level of physical intimacy rises? Is the factor of the relationship being in its infantile stages a big reason for this worry?

Does an increase [perhaps big] in the level of physical intimacy bring about unfounded worries like.. the other party not willing to bear any responsibility? But if the other party has expressed his/her desire to be together and has constantly reinforced this emphasis then what appears to be the worry that hogs the confused party? Is it simply being uncomfortable getting too cosy when the level of understanding is not deep enough? Should there not be communication?

A quote in my head that won't go away.
"..When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
~ When Harry met Sally (1989)

So happens a big increase in the level of physical intimacy within months of the relationship. The questioning party has gone into solace, refusing to acknowledge any attempts by the other party to enquire about their well-being. Leaving the other party in utter confusion and state of near breakdown worrying as well.

What made me amused was this conversation

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

So sums up the basic truth. No one can be friends with another person whom they ultimately find attractive. There will be physical intimacy involved sooner or later, except for the part where being unattractive will get nailed sooner or later. I think that's still pretty subjective.

Being attractive - skin deep? or EQ wise? What if EQ was the main factor while skin deep was secondary? Would this involvement be considered superficial then? Is it really impossible to give the heart of oneself when you know that deep within yourself you want to know this person for the rest of your life?

Don't deny the tears that had been shed. The eyes that did not shed tears, the heart was bleeding.

Casino

2005-04-19T10:05:00.000+08:00

And so the Decision has been made - Not one but two intergrated resorts with the casino will be built.

The State Government has announced the decision after a year long debate, following the main focus of their discussions as economically driven.

While the social costs had been a major source of debate, including possible gambling addictions and family breakups, it seemed more like a debate between possible worries versus possible economic benefits.

The Press has released detailed reports of how the Casinos, together with the integrated resorts, will create up to 35,000 jobs for Singaporeans with expected $1.5 billion in investments. What set me thinking was - How? On what basis was this figure calculated? By the investments in infrastructure? The projected costs of building the 2 integrated resorts were between $2 - $3 billion for both Marina Bayfront and Sentosa. However, the size of Marina Bayfront would only be 12.2 hectares while Sentosa would be 47 hectares. Such a startling contrast.

35,000 jobs created. Would they be completely filled by only Singaporeans? Would our own local people face discrimination from their parents or relatives who snuff at the ills of gambling and threaten to disown their children who tries to work in a casino? Would the casino be adopting a standard wage scale for their employees?

A Council of Gambling would be set up to look into the progress and perhaps administer necessary actions or policies to assist in the possible social consequences of gambling. While the decision has been announced, no mention has been made about any policies to help curb gambling addictions. Personal Observation? The debate was more economically driven than anything else. Earn the money first, we'll talk about social costs in the process.

And the structures that were going to be built - Who were the main investors? Is it going to be state-subsidised? Will the State have a share in these investments?

The focus of the next generation's income appears to be shaping towards Tourism and the Arts. Singapore had always been reputed as a Country that provides excellent service, now the State aims to upgrade the service industry to a new level. It's called the Entertainment Industry. Think of the relaxation on Bar-top dancing, the American Idol following the Singapore Idol, the focus on street dancing and the Busking Activities. Now, the Casino. A process had been slowly unravelled.

Perhaps I should consider launching a new degree programme called Degree in Public Entertainment with majors like Clowning, Acrobatics and Dance with modules like Pole Dancing PD1101 and Advanced Body Flirting BF2203. I'm sure it'll gain recognition someday.

Self-Service

2005-04-15T12:41:00.000+08:00

Dearest apologies for the recent absence again, I'm currently enjoying a long holiday but the excitement has gone to my head and I've almost forgot about my blog.

This article was posted on the Straits Times recently [Tues, 12th April 2005]

Guilty as Charged: Tricked into self-service
By Nicols Fox

I extracted the following excerpts for references:

"..My children would shrink into their coats while people stared disapprovingly if I tried to abandon a cluttered table. In fact, it was a manifestation of the Great Labour Transfer. Companies that had already applied every possible efficiency to their businesses were looking for other ways to cut costs and saw an entirely new pool of workers who did not have to be paid. Call them - consumers."

"..Ordinary people, it seemed, could operate petrol pumps without causing explosions. They could check their own oil. They could fill their tyres. They could then be persuaded to complete their purchases with a swipe of a card and be out of the way quickly without any human being at all."

"..Some of them even seemed to prefer to do the work themselves.. and began to look down upon those people who still wanted to be served."

"..A good part of the increase in productivity during the last 2 decades can be credited to the Great Labour Transfer. We have taken on more than anyone ever thought possible.."

"..Someday, consumers will become passive refuseniks or revolt. Or they will simply collapse with exhaustion, unable to take on more task."

The writer is the author of Against The Machine: The Hidden Luddite Tradition in Literature, Art and Individual Lives.
Copyright: New York Times Syndicate.

So it seems that the culture in America is DIY, a stark contrast to our Singaporean culture where a browsing sweep around any fast food restaurants and you see cluttered tables everywhere. Ironically I am one of the few who throws the food into the nearest bin and places the tray on top. I get smiles from the elderly staff on duty and once in a while weird looks from some teenager.

Now the author's main point is that the future of the Service Level will be reduced to automation. In fact, you do see it happening in Singapore. Think of the AXN and SAM Machines where you can pay your bills and purchase your movie tickets and even book a chalet. Think - Are we able to choose our seats if we were to queue up really early? Are we able to choose a chalet unit with easy access to the rear gate or the resort facilities? What happens then when the Machine prints the message "Out of order" what will we do next? Call the technician?

Think of the new National Library {NLB) and you see rows of signboards with clear signs indicating which section contains what kind of books. Unfortunately, I had to help an old lady once to find her grandson in the library. She got lost trying to move around. The only Service Staff were located at the Enquiry Counters and they could not provide immediate assistance. What happens then if you have a foreign tourist who could not understand english unfortunately and wandered into our spanking new and beautiful library located at the busiest areas of Singapore like Orchard and the Esplanade?

The Civil Service has also introduced plans to remove the Service Counters over the next few years, so the only kind of service that can be provided will only be via email or at best telephone service. A classmate of mine mockingly joked about it saying,"Yeah, thats lip service for you alrite."

One final question therefore looms in our minds - To what extent is automation expected to assist Customer Service and not take its place? The Human touch afterall is still the most formidable weapon in any Service Industry and I believe thats what our Service Industry has been providing. We still have to consider the effectiveness not just the efficiency.

Enough blogging for today - A new topic has loomed inside my head and I will publish it soon.

Present

2005-04-04T09:49:00.000+08:00

Celebrated Crystal's birthday last Saturday, the planning and the co-ordinating almost drove me nuts for the celebrating group was having packed schedules and exams were just around the corner not to mention project deadlines to be met before the actual examinations.

Thankfully things pulled together [somehow] and she was rewarded with a pleasant surprise when I escorted her through the glass doors of O'Brien @ Holland Village, with the dim lighting of the restaurant providing the perfect ambience for the lighted birthday cake awaiting her at far corner of the restaurant. Her smile was priceless as I watched from the corner of my eye, a slow smile playing on my lips. Her non-stop laughter from the teasing and birthday wishes that streamed continously from the group of friends around her. Later in the night after I left her void deck [I accompanied the lady home], she messaged me that the group wanted her to thank me on their behalf for making all this possible and she felt really blessed because this was the first time in her life someone really took the effort to plan everything from the venue to the present to surprise party. Well, her delight was reward enough for me.

Wanna share in her birthday present as well? ^-^

Basically it's an mp3 player called i-audio [Korean Brand] which boasts of highly advanced functions like Equalizer [EQ], something which is lacking in most MP3 Players because this possess the ability to fine-tune the mp3s so that they sound much better on this particular player. FM Recording has different speeds to download the song so that you can vary the quality of the song [so that it's smaller in file size] yet fine-tune it with the EQ to make it sound just as good as any CD-Quality mp3 song. Alright, enough of advertising. You can check out more details on their website.

What peeved me slightly though was a particular shop assistant sitting behind a counter glass showcase who presented with me bad service [I often have this unconcious comparison of staff's level of service], browsing around Sim Lim Square for the suitable mp3 player when I walked into his shop.

Myself: Hi, I'm looking for an mp3 player. Do u have any good recommendations?
Staff: [nonchalant tone] What you want for mp3 player.

Myself: Well I'm not sure but I'm probably having a budget of about $180.
Staff: [Uninterested] I don't have much models for you.

Myself: Is there any models you could recommend me?
Staff : [Points to some models displayed on glass case] All here.

I left without another word.

As I continued browsing along Sim Lim Square I walked into another shop and was greeted by a young-looking counter staff who smiled as I walked up.

I was feeling much more hopeful suddenly.

Myself: Hi, I'm looking for an MP3 Player but I'm limited. Any recommendations?
Staff: [Short Cheerful Laugh] No worries, what's your budget?

Myself: I could afford about $180 and I'm not sure what to look for.
Staff: Come, come. Let me show you my models then.

He proceeded to explain several models of Mp3 Players from China, Taiwan and the most notably Creative models from Singapore. What impressed me is he proceeded to explain the various aspects of each Mp3 Player in comparison to the rest. The final conclusion? I bought the Korean i-audio Mp3 Player at $215 which is beyond my budget but I guess I'm a sucker for good service. Following that I went back to the previous shop and walked to the same staff, he seemed surprised to see me come back. I smiled and pointed the same i-audio G3 model and asked how much. He gave a price of $220 with GST included, I told him flatly I have been offered $200 with GST from a shop downstairs. He pondered carefully for quite a while and pressed the calculator furiously and gave me the final price of $210. I smiled and showed him the package and said, "If you had offered me good service earlier, I would have bought this from you for $215. Take Care."

His expression was priceless as well.

I'm glad a friend of mine shares the same sentiments as me.

Perhaps I should be wearing a shirt and tie since I was dressed in T-shirt and jeans and carrying a sports sling bag looking every bit the poor shopper.

I am surprised that my dance class has a recent celebrity joining, guess he wants to learn to dance well.

[Un]Handicapped

2005-03-28T10:24:00.000+08:00

As I walked past Spinelli's on the pathway to my Office Lobby I noticed an old lady standing about several metres away from the escalator leading up to my Office Lobby. She was waving several packets of tissue paper and calling out to the people walking asking them to buy tissue paper from her.

As I walked past her, she approached me waving the several packets of tissue paper in my face and spoke to me in vigorous Hokkien requesting me to buy the packets of tissue paper from her. I swerved away by natural instinct, not with disgust but with a slight tinge of disappointment.

Recalling an incident about several months ago, I was having lunch with some friends at the Food Centre called Chomp Chomp located at Serangoon Gardens when this lady who looked to be in her late thirties wheeled an old lady who was sitting on a wheelchair and looked like she was only half-alive. I wouldn't be surprised because the sun was so hot that the heat stung our skin like some heat ray weapon designed to fry our brains alive. One of my friends was practically perspiring like he just ran some 20km marathon.

But the middle-aged lady was simply wheeling the old lady on the wheelchair around asking people to buy tissue paper from her, stopping at almost every table and waving the tissue paper in their faces. Admist the sweltering heat.

I was tempted to commit murder.

When the lady approached our table and spoke to us in Chinese asking us, "Xiao Di Di buy tissue paper from old lady? $1 a packet for old lady?"

As I gazed upon the old lady in the wheelchair who was looking nowhere with a glazed expression a sudden surge of sadness arose and when I looked up to the middle-aged lady there was an intense expression on her face - Almost bordering on demanding us to buy tissue from her because she had taken the trouble to wheel her mother perhaps? Out on this little sympathy crusade to sell tissue paper?

Without hesitation I took out what must have quite a few ten-dollar notes and even a blue fifty dollar note and shoved it into the lady's outstretched palm [like a beggar] and told her in crisp tones, "Give me your basket of tissue paper and take your mother home now. If I ever see you around here again I will report you for parental abuse, now get lost."

The middle-aged lady looked at me speechless for a while, my friends as well. I looked back at her with a stern expression - Firm but not fierce. She looked at me for a few more seconds before handing over the basket of tissue paper packets and left slowly.

She hailed a cab. I guess she got the message.

I simply do not believe a middle-aged lady with four fully operational limbs could resort to taking her wheelchair-bound mother out on her little tissue paper sales outing. I didn't have much appetite subsequently, even my friends were silent for a while as they sipped their sugar-cane almost sheepishly. The very thought of a mother who had raised a child till that age only to have the child use the mother as a "sympathy motivator" for her sales irked me to the core. Out of the respect that the mother probably needs this daughter [which I highly doubted] I managed with a considerable amount of effort not to end that lady's life right there.

A similar scenario assails me for every morning outside Ang Mo Kio MRT another old lady would be sitting on the wheelchair calling out to passengers walking by, calling out to them to buy the packets of tissue paper from her. Sometimes the occasional passerby would stop and buy a packet from her but most people would simply breeze past. I stopped by a few times to buy tissue paper from her till I realised that this is not helping her much, and I would stop and wonder - Why is she doing this? Have her children abandoned her as well? Or perhaps like the similar case of the Chomp Chomp Centre her children have left her to fend for herself. Just about a few weeks ago she did not appear again, I wondered if some kind soul had taken care of her food and shelter. I sure hope so.

Mighty is the compassionate heart, for they are the stuff of Kings and Emperors.
~ La voix de l'Inarticulé.

Uniquely Singaporean

2005-03-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through the Straits Times today when a writer who wrote into the forum had her letter published. It caused me great amusement and the occasional wry smile and chuckle as I pondered over her thoughts and could not stop agreeing with her. These is an excerpt from her article ~

Why is jaywalking a crime when cyclists can ride with impunity on footpaths and endanger pedestrians? .... Why are dog owners not fined for littering when they allow their dogs to defecate, without cleaning up the mess? ..... Why are smokers given such a hard time when motor vehicles and jet airliners spew more voluminous quantities of carcinogens and chemicals into the air around us everyday? .... Why am I required to wear a seat belt in my own car when our public buses do not even have one fitted for the driver? ..... Why are employers still rejecting and retrenching people over 40 years of age when the birth rate is so low that the number of young people joining the workforce is insufficient to replace the older workers?

Which actually brings to mind another email my sent me, written by a Mr George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

I should consider being a hermit, I'm sure I can sort out more problems that way.

Latin and Modern

2005-03-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

The recent DanceSport Federation held at Ngee Ann Polytechnic a few weeks back had my jaws dropping quite a few times when I witnessed National Standards for Latin and Ballroom.

The first impression that I always had was Latin was simply a dance meant to seduce and Ballroom was meant for aging couples who simply couldnt shake their hips anymore and was thus reduced to these last choices of dance.

I had to hung my head quite a few times in shame.

These two couples are barely 16 years old but the amount of finesse and energy that they channelled into their dance routines are definitely performances that puts most full-grown adults to shame. For I have witnessed Polytechnic and NTU categories and I stand by my testimonials that these two young couples dance much better than some couples I have seen in the previous two categories.

I swear if I ever have kids I will send them for jazz and latin classes to build up their foundation for dance.

The Horvath Evening Dance Performance by the Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts was chereographed by Krisztina Horvath from Germany, using music from J. S. Bach and W. F. Bach Phillip Glass the piece that caught my attention was "The Last Supper."

The pieces were very formal and the opening pace was slow which made it actually difficult to focus just like a trainer attempting to teach a fast-paced dance routine at "Tai-Chi" speed. It gets very tiring after a while. However, when the dancers simultaneously formed the picture of The Last Supper everything suddenly became clear. It was interesting to note that Ms Krisztina shifted her perspective of The Last Supper in her chereography at a later part which only increased our attention of where this dance was heading. In my personal opinion she viewed The Last Supper in a very negative perspective like it was simply a ritual to emphasise the impending doom of Jesus and he was going through this ritual just exactly like he knew he would be meeting his doom. This perspective might be hard to swallow for some christians I guess.

Techniques were pretty impressive but.. I just felt that I could not connect with the dancers. Like.. I could not sense their emotions clearly when performing the chereographed pieces. Perhaps it was the culture involved. After all Ms Horvath was from Germany and most the students graduating were from China based dance trainings so I was inclined to believe they would not have a problem grasping the technical aspects of the dance but feel.. perhaps I'm not in strong position to comment for I'm not afterall a seasoned dance performer myself.

A new crossroad in my life - And I'm not prepared to make such a decision so soon.

Focus

2005-03-10T15:09:00.000+08:00

Of late it appears I'm not having enough focus on the things that I want to do. I want to start on thorough revisions for my upcoming exams in May yet I'm still constantly bogged down by work. I want to give myself sufficient time to re-arrange my room so that my notes can readily available yet I'm constantly messing it up every now and then.

To make a headstart I made a decision - I tendered my resignation. My official last day will be 12th April 2005. Yes finally after a period of 3 years of slogging part-time studies and full-time work I have thrown in the towel. To some friends who have known since the day I started my studies were presently shocked because I've been like a role model to them. Juggling studies and work and dance all at the same time. But things have taken a new direction. I'm no longer just a trainee in my dance class but a senior whom juniors have looked to me for directions and advice when they are in doubt. I've taken a more active role in the recent 4 months where I would be performing in concerts, taking juniors for basic classes and helping to develop a junior hiphop group. In short, my role in my dance activities have increased almost two to threefold. With an upcoming performance in June rehearsals have already started and soon preparations will be made for the August Competition as well.

Some days I can hardly wake up without feeling dead-beat and dragging myself to work. Like an automobile that has already emptied its main fuel tank and simply drags itself along the journey using fuel reserves. On some days I would get so tired that I would simply take some fruits and take a nap instead. Firstly I get to replenish some rest back into my body. Secondly I get to have some peace from the daily chaos due to our seasonal peak period where not one day passes without having at least one nasty customer who starts yelling at the top of their voices demanding their requests to be fufilled. The tranquility of the Mail Room suddenly seemed immaculate and zen-like.

Recently I have started using my MP3 player to play soothing music while I nap, it helps a great deal and I do believe just living on fruits for lunch actually contributed to a certain amount in making the body refreshed. Friend of mine once told me that the daily consumption of our food is filled with toxins and hence anti-oxidants like water and fruits help to cleanse the body of these toxins so that the body feels refreshed once again. So by reducing the amount of food intake I'm actually cleansing my body thoroughly [I hope]. At least I ensure I take a well-balanced breakfast of eggs, bread, milo and cheese.

Dinner's freeplay - Sometimes I meet friends for dinner and sometimes I go home for dinner but I always ensure that my bedtime is at least 2 hours difference from my dinner. So despite me having extremely late dinner sometimes [like reaching home after midnight due to rehearsals] I would wash up, read some newspapers and listen to some lounge music either from my PC or from FM 99.5 Radio Station.

Hopefully with the additional free hours I can ensure that productivity gets maximised and reflected in my grades. I'm approaching my final year - I do sincerely hope that this sacrifice gets paid off.

Some friends have offered me recommendations to take some young kids for tuition, I'm still considering. Afterall I'm not sure I'd be a good teacher for I'm not strict by nature. I had the honour of coaching 2 brilliant students who would push themselves constantly and insisted on having me for their tuition instead of others for my classes are stress-free and I only guide them but I'd never push them. They're hardworking enough on their own. So if I were to be faced with an obnoxious and lazy student I might not be as effective as the other tuition teachers.

And this post is a perfect example of how unfocused I am for my flow has no specific purpose but has a more apparent impression of incoherent ramblings.

Perhaps I should take a holiday.

Aterballeto

2005-03-07T08:45:00.000+08:00

An evening of modern and contemporary dance [6th March, Esplanade] with the Italian Dance Company Compaigna Aterballeto with the internationally renowned Artistic Director Mauro Bigonzetti brings to mind dance forms and contortions only possible in digital animations.

His chereography is mainly drawn from inspirations from the music of Bach with some variations and slight modifications to the forms of expressions after working with the dancers on each individual piece for different ranging periods of 1 - 6 years.

The evening opens with the highly acclaimed dancers in Omaggio a Bach, a homage to Johann Sebastian Bach. This bleakly beautiful interpretation of Bach's musical universe explores the geometric and structural perfection of Bach's compositions.

An exuberant second half features Cantata, a powerful piece where Bigonzetti fully exploits his dancers' agility and strength through raw physical expression. Traditional Italian folk songs sung by live musicians provide a perfect setting for an exuberant end to the evening.

There was a Question and Answer session after the performance with the Artistic Director Mr Mauro himself on how his inspirations for these 2 pieces were drawn. Due to his lack of familiarity with English a translater was present to act as the communicating medium. It's interesting how his movements - looking strikingly similar to a certain Japanese Dance called Butoh - were present in some of his movements. It pleased him to referenced to this dance for Butoh, translated as Dance of Darkness in Japanese dance theatre lingo, was actually believed to have some origins from European dance theatres when a lot of Japanese dancers went to Germany in the 1920s to study ballet and later returned home to set up ballet schools but infused the two dances into what we know as Butoh today. For more details on the dance you might want to check out this article here.

Of how his inspirations for the movements were drawn, it would be interesting to note that these movements can be present in our everday lives. Like the pattern of a falling leaf, the ripple of tides under a full moon even just the leaves whirling around each other reminise of a twister in micro-form.

I feel humbled.

Quality Service

2005-03-02T09:30:00.000+08:00

We often hear it on the radio, see it on the television even read it on the newspapers. Bouquets and Brickbats, Compliments and Complaints. The big question that looms in our head is - What makes Quality Service?

I have been in Customer Service for almost 3 years, by this 1st April it will be a full fledged 3 years. Exactly 3 years, 0 months, 0 days.

I don't really talk much about my job - even to my family members but I guess this post is not so much about my job but a heavier emphasis on the scope of my job which
is Customer Service.

To some people, customer service involves anticipating the needs of the customers & providing them with solutions even before it is requested. A thin line therefore exists between knowing what is good for the customer and knowing what the customers wants. What happens if you know of a certain method as the most direct method & while it provides some inconvience to the customer, the customer still benefits in the overall aspect. What happens if the customer simply refuses to acknowledge the slightest form of inconvenience and stubbornly insists on the scenario being handled by the method they suggested. Would a Customer Service Officer knuckle under pressure & do what the customer wants? Perfectly knowing that the proposed action might set off a series of chain reactions even inconviencing the customer in the near future? The key word here is "Might" as in might inconvience the customer, might have side repercussions and might have further follow-up scenarios.

Quite a number of my colleagues have left their jobs in Customer Service to delve into sales or simply events management. So I am not condemning the role of a Customer Service as a slave, I am providing double sides of an issue - The Customer Service Officer and the general public. To attempt categories of both sides of the transaction scenarios would require more than just a simple blog entry. Seminars, studies and even textbooks have been compiled all attempting to provide logical answers to the actions of either sides. But for today, I'll provide an avenue for some of my colleagues to voice their frustrations of dealing a certain selected category of public - which some of us have termed as "Black Sheep"

Case Scenario 1 - Group of 8 students goes to a cafe and occupies abt 3 tables but only orders 2 drinks. Starts to pile textbooks and notes and occupies the 3 tables for the whole day from 10am till 6pm. Quality Service Manager requests the group to give up their tables for the dinner crowd is pouring in and there is insufficient space. Group refuses but offers to buy 1 more drink as 'compensation' but QSM politely declines. Groups turns sacarstic and taunts which QSM defends and politely demands group to leave which group starts to hurl abuse at this point. QSM calls in police, group leaves but atmosphere is throughly shattered.

Anyone has a better suggestion?

Case Scenario 2 - Man comes to Service Counter to apply for permit, Counter staff realises documents are not valid [they require original but he produced photocopied sets] and politely requests for man to come back another day with valid day. Man informs Counter Staff when he called the Service Hotline they did not specify such requirements and starts to scold Counter Staff for their lack of clarity. Counter defends herself stating she cannot do anything. Man demands to see Customer Service Manager, CSM steps out, takes documents and processes the documents while calming man down. Man proceeds to berate Counter Staff for inflexibility. Counter Staff quits few weeks later.

Would you have advised a different approach?

Case Scenario 3 - Lady is fined for late payment, goes to Office Counter to appeal for waiver. Was informed not possible unless there is a written appeal, says she's willing to write the letter on the spot. Says she needs to produce valid documents to support her claim, claims she won't be able to spare the time. Was promptly replied that no further assistance can be rendered. Starts to scold loudly that she took off her precious time to come personally for an appeal and now she feels that she is being brushed off. Berates Customer Service Officer for a full 15 minutes in public view before walking off saying she will post this lack of humane treatment in Straits Times.

Do you think the Cust Svc Officer would be able to offer alternative solutions?

Lastly, a short quote on what I would deem as professionalism

"When the Boss asks for how much the watermelon costs at the shop downstairs, a pro-active salesman would reply that it costs $1 within 5 minutes. A professional salesman would reply however that the fresh ones cost $1 while the not-so-fresh ones left at the side about are open for bargaining and if we purchase for every 5 watermelons he would be willing to offer $0.10 less for every watermelon."

Well my dear friends, leave comments if you would but for more detailed discussions please do forward emails to me instead.

Flutters

2005-02-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

Gazed into your eyes
the intense expression
Twinkling sparkling
smiling back at me

Aura of warmth
rekindles the dormant passion
once ravaged
by wounds and scars

A Word of concern
A Waltz on the beach
A night of Star-gazing
A bus trip of chattering

I wanna take you on a trip
of discovery
About all the things
I can do to make you happy

Everytime I recall your name
A smile plays
around the the corner of my lips
and the heart flutters within

My hand is outstretched
and when you clasp it
You complete me

Just to quote something from Ella Fitzgerald :

"I guess what everyone wants more than anything else is to be loved.. Forgive me if I don't have all the words. Maybe I can sing it and you'll understand."

Terpsichore

2005-02-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

The Concert has successfully ended its 2 day run of performances.

Back to daily routines of work, studies and physical trainings. Of handling Customer Complaints and crunching textbook readings. Of squeezing every last drop of perspiration from my forehead and body in response to the gruelling floor exercises during physical conditionings in our dance training sessions.

When I stood facing the empty stage after everyone has packed and moved out, the lights were dim and everything was enshrouded in heavy silence - I pictured myself amongst the audience sitting down and giving thunderous applause to a performance well done. A hypothetical image.

When I picture myself as the audience and the virtual image of my "dancer self" image being projected onto the stage floor, I sensed a stirring. A thought that flashed in my mind screaming "Well done! That was so beautiful!" And I realised why stage performers are revelled by others is due to the reason that they embodied the "unattainable state" that normal people would never achieve. Idol Worship. Like you yearn after something which you can't have. The Apple in the Garden of Eden.

And Stage Performers always tend to possess a slight characteristic of exhibitionism no matter how slight. It's like an aphrodisiac.

As you look beyond the spotlights and peer onto the floor audience and beyond, a sense of accomplishment becomes so strong for the level of success is often measured on a decibel scale of applause. The more thunderous the applause the more successful it is deemed to be.

For myself, it was a feeling of slight accomplishment. That I have pulled off my first major performance successfully. The waltz.. The Lyrical Jazz.. the emotions. Yes I had a dance friend who divulged to me that when the performance ended and the curtain called she was almost feeling emotional.

I guess I would be hooked onto this aphrodisiaic for quite a while.

This piece of dance chereography was the highlight of the Dance Concert and I never got bored of watching them dance, no matter how many times I've seen it.

Name of Chereography - Lavender Dreams
Song Title = Memories [Korean Song]

Materialism and Superstition

2005-02-11T13:00:00.000+08:00

The 3rd Day of the Chinese New Year.

Most unmarried people would have received ang baos of a substantial amount by this day since the first 2 days of Chinese New Year would be days where massive gatherings are co-ordinated.

Unfortunately, materialism rears it's ugly head in a particular gathering in my very house.

As I mentioned earlier, my second brother's father-in-law passed away recently and thus by traditional practice he cannot be allowed to disburse red packets or partake in any merrymaking as a mark of respect for the deceased elder. Like a continous period of mourning.

But out of respect for my mother's wish that she wants to see her 3 sons gathered in her house for a sumptuous Chinese New Year Lunch, he 'bended' the rules slightly and gathered for the feast on 9th February 2005. Surprised was I when I learnt that my eldest sis-in-law was very superstitious thus my mother kept the secret of my brother's mourning from her, for fear she [sis-in-law] would give excuses and not attend the gathering which would effectively prevent the reunion of her sons.

Unfortunately, my eldest sis-in-law was quering why my 2nd brother did not give any ang baos when he was at the gathering. Faced with no choice, she broke the news gently to my eldest sis-in-law and offered lots of explanations in not telling her earlier.

The pleas fell on deaf ears.

Swift was the reaction for her tummy felt uncomfortable and requested my eldest brother to send her home, I gather that my eldest brother is still kept in the dark. Slight guilt was shown on my 2nd brother's expression. Guilt? The only guilt I would credit him with is his unconventional perceptions to traditions usually overridden by his love for my mother. My father however was slightly fuming because his time with his beloved grand-daughter had been cut short.

Does superstition play an important role in a person's way of life to such an extent that it overrides their logical thinking? I shudder to imagine that such behavior is still evident considering that she's a teacher and well-educated with honors from the National University of Singapore [NUS]. It saddens me more to witness my parents subjecting to unhappiness when all they wished for is a simple reunion of their children at Chinese New Year, a festive season deemed omnipotent amongst the traditions of Chinese. If I were to step in and inform my eldest brother about the truth and request him to stay despite his wife's superstitions would it result in disharmony for their marriage? Statistically I would have made 3 people [my parents and second brother] happier but I would have made a couple very unhappy. Brother & wife versus parents & brother.

My second brother left shortly after.

My mother teared after they left while my father was repeatedly muttering curses under his breath. Consolation was offered to my mother while I simply advised my Dad to stay by my mum's side and ensured she keeps her mind occupied with other upcoming visitations. Other visits that followed queried gently why both my brothers are absent which I respectfully explained my second brother's mourning period and eldest brother's untimely visiting of in-laws.

All peppered with lots of smiles.

Full Run Rehearsals tonight, whole of Saturday and Sunday Morning as well. Tuesday would be Full Dress Concert Venue Rehearsal from 9am till 10pm. Monday [14th Feb] on standby for rehearsals as well. SiGh.

Red Reminisces

2005-02-08T09:35:00.000+08:00

Taxi Driver : Wah, young man today still working ah?
Me Myself & I : Yes, my company is still on half-day today.

Taxi Driver : Aiyoh, then got buy Toto or 4D for this New Year?
Me Myself & I : No, I have never bought them in my life before.

Taxi Driver : Sure or not?? Football betting? mahjong? Card games?
Me Myself & I : Nope but during festive seasons I would just play cards for fun.

Taxi Driver : You endangered species liao.
Me Myself & I : I will be very soon if you do not keep your eyes on the road.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Red season is here again - Red Packets, red clothes, red notes and red faces [from all the drinking that is]

Had a BIG spring cleaning last night till about 1am. I was basically cleaning up two rooms - My Bedroom and the Study Room [credits to my mum who insisted this is how the rooms should be called].

Well, I've been holding this double task ever since my brothers moved out after getting married. Not that I'm blaming them for my plight [Look, I'm only cleaning two rooms while they're probably cleaning a whole house]. Just that this year's spring cleaning process was slightly more sombre.

Maybe it's because the whole house suddenly seemed more spacious.

Maybe it's because there was less laughter and boisterous fun while attempting to throw stuff at one another while trying to decide which old stuff to keep and which old stuff to throw.

Came across quite a lot of old textbooks and actually discovered some old photos tucked away. Of friends that had been with my side for years, of looking at the photos and remembering the good times we shared. Of remembering the bickerings that seemed so pointless now, wishing instead there were more times when I could have punched him on the shoulder more often which we always do in JC times.

Till the SQ006 crash took him away from me.

Also took some time to re-arrange my photo album and realised I hardly have any new photos to put into the album. Most pictures are done by digital cameras nowadays and saved via jpg files into my PC. Photo albums had been replaced by online photo albums.

Looking at the photo album however induced deep nostalgia and by impulse I called up an old JC classmate, she was surprised to hear from me but very excited at the same time. Half teasing and half scolding that I only bothered to call when she's getting married by September this year. Came as a surprise to me instead.

And a further surprise that it's another guy not the boyfriend she had in JC whom I knew as a friend as well. Ah well, guilty of not contacting her for the past 2 years I am.

She was gushing over her marriage plans and was already half hinting about her possible honeymoon destinations which brought a faint smile to my lips - She's sweetly in love.

And Valentine Day's is just next Monday.

Could have sworn my brain is almost operating like a mind map, topics will link to related topics and the information simply comes pouring out. Too dependent on memory techniques I guess.

Several news have arrived as well inclusive of my second brother's father-in-law passing away, my guy cousin's child stricken with hand-foot-mouth disease, my gal cousin's child is being warded for some initial cancerous stage thing I'm half inclined to believe this would not be a good year to celebrate.

And my godsister is still recovering from her tsunami horror, not too inclined to travel outside as well.

What I felt more lightened is by the fact is the entire dance group coming to my house this saturday for visitation, hopefully their noise would bring cheer to my parents as well.

I'm crossing my fingers.

I just hope my mother does not faint from seeing the house get overcrowded.

MTV

2005-02-05T09:00:00.000+08:00

"Hey Mom, I can see her boobs."

Does this phrase raise an eyebrow? Not anymore. Recent studies have shown that children who are exposed to MTV have more liberal views towards premarital sex. In fact, the supposed conclusion is kids who are exposed to MTV watches up to 9 sexual scenes an hour.

The link to an article which collaborated studies relating to the programme content of MTV Networks can be found on the title of this post.

Think - Micheal Jackson with his famous crotch-grabbing stance on MTV Awards performance and you should have an idea of what I'm referring to.

This is an excerpt from the article, in relation to the band Maroon 5 whose songs had been hitting lots of radio airwaves ranging from "This Love" to "Sunday Morning"

Maroon 5 – “This Love”

Intercut with the band playing, we see flashes of the lead singer and a girl presumably having sex. They kiss, rolling around on the bed, and he runs his hand down her thigh. It appears that they are naked, but no body parts are seen. (These scenes are only a few seconds long, and are interspersed with the band playing.)

Next scene, the girl is sitting on a bed. The lead singer tries to kiss her and she pushes him away. He sits on the bed and she puts her legs around him, and pulls him backwards. He gets up and leaves. She is left sitting on the bed with her legs splayed, wearing some sort of corset.

Next scene, the singer and the girl are making out on the bed. Flower petals swirl around the scene, covering their nudity (these were added after the Janet Jackson debacle, so they look like they don't belong). The guy looks up at the screen and says to the camera "Keep her [bleeped ‘cuming’] every night," but this was done post-production, so the edit is really obvious, with background music removed as well.

They passionately kiss and roll around, with the flower petals swirling around everything except their faces.

We see the singer run his hand down the girl's leg again.

The lead singer and woman are shown again rolling around on a bed, but the flower petals are scrolling around them on screen so you can still only see their faces.

And I was still thinking that Britney's "Toxic" MTV was bad enough. Ah well, Wade Robson rules.

A fitting end to all who dare to violate the minds of innocents.

Of Customs and Education

2005-02-02T14:09:00.000+08:00

A recent article splashed across the Straits Times have caught my attention - The reduction of the Chinese Syllabus.

Apparently the education system in Singapore is reassessing certain topics and these parts of the traditional syllabus had been deemed as unimportant for the students in Singapore. Without a doubt there must be a huge cheer erupting from students who are facing huge problems with the Chinese Language.

Think again.

What the Education System has only approved is the reduction of the syllabus to be taught in schools. Meaning that the teachers would have to source out the additional parts themselves - because it might still be tested in exams. In addition, the removal of this portion called "Ting Xie" [pardon me for this is a direct chinese sounding term translated into english words - a more direct translation of meanings would perhaps result in it being called listening and writing?]

My mother was vehemently against the idea. She was a chinese teacher.

Her explanation to me was students would not be able to effective utilise the words if they are simply taught to recognise words and not trained to remember them. Think along the scenario - Do all people who can read and recognise english know how to write them properly? Perhaps the current notion is no longer the strict requirement of how each stroke should be written but if "monkey see monkey do" works for duplicating the chinese letter then the language is considered as taught successfully.

The second exclusion was the study of Chinese Customs and Marriage for the education system deemed such topics as irrelevant to the current social life system in Singapore. To what extent can we possibly judge what is relevant to the social system in Singapore? Actual incidents in Singapore? Why then are we not including actual Singaporeans who might have made an impact on the Chinese Education or Chinese Arts Scene in Singapore?

Reminds me of the sudden fame attributed to Douglas O and Dick Lee after the launch of Singapore Idol.

Therefore, comes this distinct question - If the removed portion of chinese syllabus is approved because it had been deemed too difficult and perhaps irrelevant by the Singapore Education System, why is it still possible that exam questions would be tested on those portions?

Teach Less? As true as serving a 44 hour week amongst civil servants despite the announcement of the 5-day week and the opening of counters despite it's a saturday.

As true as promising help for the elderly and the children and leaving the middle class to fend for themselves when they are the actual breadwinners.

As true as reinforcing the cultural aspects of multi-racial harmony when the emphasis fell on Chinese, Indians and Malays while the Eurasians categorised under 'others' were not mentioned.

As true as citing Singapore as a Patriarchal Society which effectively categorises Singapore as a gender-based society while promising rewards and opportunities being based on meritocracy.

Learn more? The bulk of the responsibility falls therefore on the teachers. If the teacher, on top of handling at least one School Curriculum Activity and countless meetings and projects for job-process re-engineering and part-time school liaison protocol officer, does not seem like an easier task altogether.

Singapore Teachers - I offer an advance extra salute to the future challenges heading your way.

This should deter most people from tailgating your car.

The Funk Factor

2005-01-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

I have been selected to be Eel's partner in Waltz for the Concert item. The announcement was made on Saturday morning during the selections for the couple dance in Waltz during concert rehearsals.

My heart skipped a beat.

Eel is my partner in Waltz. The sentence kept repeating itself over and over in my head. For a long time now I've always wondered what it's like to partner Eel in social dance. Well, I will find out the answer very soon by next Tuesday when we start learning the routines for the Waltz item.

We caught "Shall We Dance" as a group yesterday after training and rehearsals were done and we were pretty impressed by Richard Gere's gracefulness. I'm pretty sure he must have practised a lot for this role and well, Eel and I were pretty much motivated by the movie as well so much that we kinda half waltzed and half walked our way out of the cinema.

We raised quite a few eyebrows.

Heck I didn't care, when I got home the first thing I did was I played Micheal Buble's "Sway" on my PC.

I started waltzing and turning to the music, just like in the movies. Can't wait for Tuesday, damn.

Funkamania XI finally ended on a high note on Friday night at Ngee Ann Civic Plaza. The champion team was called NRA. Don't ask me what it stands for because I don't know the full name myself.

Personally 2 teams caught my attention the most - Little White Riding Hood [Yes I know it sounds awfully cheesy] and not because my friends are in that team but for their amazing chereography of posing, popping, locking and stunts.

and another team called NRA: Manifesto. Their energy level was very distinct and their movements were synchronised to a T, sizzling with sexiness at some point.

Alright, in actual fact I was like wishing good luck to most teams. The Dance Community is not that big in Singapore anyway so it's not hard to know someone, either directly or indirectly, in the whole community. The Funkamania felt like one big gathering for all of us who were involved in dance activities.

Right, the judging criteria is as follows:
Hiphop Techniques - 30%
Chereography - 20%
Synchronisation - 15%
Costumes - 10%
Music - 10%

I can't remember the last 15% but I was convinced by the fact that if the team simply goes up to the stage and starts showcasing a synchronised chereography of breakdancing moves they would be crowned champions immediately.

I am not saying that hiphop dance competitions should not be placing emphasis on actual hiphop dance techniques as this is Funkamania after all and we can actually break it up into 2 meanings - Funky Madness or Madness of Funk.

How do you define a dancer as funky? Or being a mad one at the same time? Fred Astaire once described Michael Jackson as an "angry dancer" and that is perhaps one of the key elements that empowers a dancer with stage presence - The display of emotions on stage. Not just in facial expressions but the ability to communicate your emotions with the audience in thw way you dance. Like - When people look at your dance they too will feel the love, the sadness, the angst and the joy. So now there is the additional factor - the funk factor. When people look at the way you dance they just go "Wow" and well words like "That is sooooo cool!" are heaped as praises on your performances.

Which means there would be differing preceptions on how the audience would define a dancer as "Cool" for some would think that simply being able to do technical hiphop moves like pop and locking is cool while some prefer a short drama skit encompassed with facial expressions and highly-energetic dance movements would be cool. Can a dancer combine these two elements together for Funkamania? Perhaps that is why NRA was voted the best team by the judges.

Hmmm.. yes. Another new perspective to consider.

Disrespect

2005-01-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

Guilty.

That is my current status for not updating my blog for quite a while, not to mention the increasing difference in the time lag.

Allow me to present my defense:
1. Concentration on the rehearsals for the upcoming Feb Concert.
2. Increasing time spent on developing a hiphop group in its infantile stages.
3. Current workload status - Full-blown seasonal peak period
4. Increasing commitment to my current Dance Group
5. Proposing plans for a June Performance for a Civil Service Club.
6. Developing plans for a major dance competition in August.
7. Initiating preparations for Exams in May.
8. Amidst the chaos, find time for family and friends' outings.

Members of the jury, the audience - with the above statements presented I seek not to claim proof of innocence but simply a common understanding.

Recently, I attended the trial dance lessons presented as a promotion during the YMCA Open House just last Saturday.

Full of hope and anticipation, I placed bookings for registrations on trying their MTV Dance and Hiphop sessions. Last year I was also present and was impressed by the performance that a chereographer called Mr Lionel Araya has presented. I was expecting no less for this year. You may view his profile here with regards to his current dance group called L.A. Dance Connection.

Alas, disappointment of unprecendented levels.

Both MTV Dance and Hiphop sessions were conducted by a Mr Darric Chan. While I do not practise discrimination against teachers for their individual styles in dance and tastes in dressings, I was slightly disturbed by Mr Darric Chan's choice of dressing for a hiphop session.

You do not wear tight fitting clothes for a hiphop session. For a guy at least.

When he executed certain hiphop moves, big puzzlement followed for they were clearly not of the actual hiphop style but rather a mixture of jazz. Correction - He was using jazz style to perform hiphop.

I would give him credit for the execution of moves for they were relatively clean and professional enough. He did a smooth double piroutte, thats professional enough for me.

Until he commented [right after the hiphop session ended] that hiphop is actually a "Low Level" type of dance.

Alarm bells rang at deafening decibels. Every last possible ounce of strength was mustered - not for building anger - but for restraining an almost uncontrollable urge to lash out at his incompetence for demonstrating hiphop moves and even daring to disrepect the essence of hiphop styles. I would not deny the fact that jazz techniques are established in their rich cultural and historical background but in comparison of techniques Hiphop would not be any less complicated. Culture? Hiphop was evolved from culture. History? You ain't heard nothing yet.

And as a sidenote - If you dont respect the type of dance you're teaching. The perhaps you should not be teaching it in the first place. The very fact you're teaching it reeks of hipocrisy and not to mention the students who would grow up with a wrong preception on how they should view all dances in general.

Ah well, time to head out and become councillor to Jelly. She's my dance partner for the concert item of Lyrical Jazz and well.. she's having relationship problems.

Till the next time, adios amigos.

Birthday!!

2005-01-13T09:31:00.000+08:00

Client: *Walks to my table and smiles*
Myself: *Smiles back in acknowledgement*

Client: I want to cancel my licence 'cause I'm gonna shit[shift] soon.
Myself: ???

Client: *Realises the mispronounciation and starts laughing away*
Myself: *Covers ears from deafening roar of laughter*

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A special dedication to a fellow member of my Dance Group

Brush away the pain
Of an evening
After the physical conditioning

This special day
You are 24
Time to lead the way
of showing wisdom and more

Life of pure delight
To take it like a 7 year old
Of Neverland dreams and Peter Pan flight
Of chocolate smoothies and frosties cold

So light the candles and make a list
of wishes and more
Like a sensous massage [get the gist?]
No! Not of sleazy parlours and dolled-up whores

If you are ever stumped
No direction to follow
Heads up chest a-thump
And never in depression, wallow

'Cause you've got
this big family here
of countless struggles fought
and overcoming of fear

Never say there's no one to talk to
And no one to cry to
Well maybe big guys don't cry
too proud? Or too shy?

Of the countless times we fell
when doing pirouttes
Of the countless times of numbness
from stretching splits

But right here right now
With fire in your eyes
Reflections of candlelight
and songs of birthday cries

This is your stage
and we are your willing audience
Surprise us beyond your age
embalmed by the perfect ambience

Blow the candles
and start your new journey

Our birthday boy demonstrating how you slice a cake with energy, definitely proved his point. I swerved to avoid his possible stampede.

Dance-filled Week

2005-01-10T15:02:00.000+08:00

Hectic is the word and I can think of no other phrases to ascertain why I'm so dead-beat despite today being a Monday so for a change this blog entry will be a "photo-entry" with minimal comments.

Well, to start things off I'll let you guys see just what most of us involved in the dance community had been buzzing about - Funkamania X. First things first, this group was personally chereographed by our Artistic Director which we felt that the group had improved really tremendously considering this is their first attempt at a dance competition.

The energy is really strong in their group not to mention that their co-ordination is much better than some other groups who are reputedly more experienced..

It's a pity I don't know how to upload video files on this blog, their 3 minute performance was very riveting. Energy, drama, comedy all rolled into one finely co-ordinated performance.

Our Artistic Director himself has formed a team to compete with the rest as well. Needless to say, his team has definitely secured a place in the finals with their highly impressive stunt-relay of dance moves. They'll probably make the cut as stunt actors.

Ooh La La, the team from NUS Blast was gooooood. The cream of the crop. Costumes alone reminds me of FHM Babes, wondered if this was part of the ruse. Not to mention in the later stage they actually managed to use the long elastic bands to form a boxing ring with 2 gals putting up a mock fight while dancing. Damn, they are good.

Right, this entry is pretty short. Apologies - Rehearsals for my dance performance at the Synergy Concert and overloaded piles of work combined with increasing study load for the coming exams in May have basically reduced me to one state : Crumpled. I'm broken. Yes I am baby.

Faire naître des Cendres

2005-01-01T22:31:00.000+08:00

Year 2004 is now a has-been.

People are welcoming the Year 2005 with higher hopes. Of course the arrival of the Economic Restructuring Shares [ERS] might have something to do with this recent optimism.

Somewhere in the quiet surburbs of Singapore a father is weeping. Weeping for the recent psychological phobia of his eldest daughter.

Like an answer to my recent query about the emotional detachment concerning the tsunami two incidents have happened exactly on 30th December right after I declared in my previous that I am not really having any direct feelings about the tsunami.

My Godpa's eldest daughter has returned from her honeymoon in Maldives. She and her huband have witnessed the tsunami right before their eyes. The waves swept and crashed into the 10th storey. They were on the 12th storey. They felt the tremors, they witnessed the horror as women and children were simply pulled away like a hand of god executing its wrath and death penalties.

She used to love swimming. Now she screams whenever she sees the sea. Her husband fared no better and if my interpretations are correct the husband underwent a session for hydrophobia treatment at NUH. They are recently busy with the sale of their new house which is situated along East Coast Road overlooking a nice seaview.

As I sat down on the bus seat [after I have left my dance studio] a sound on my right startled me. A greeting. I turned. To my surprise it was a man, caucasian, mid-thirties.

"Howdy mate, you speak english?" An Australian I presume.

We chatted and after a while I learned that he was an Ecologist. Major area of study - Tropical Rainforests in Asia. He was with a group of fellow research scientists in Phuket - holiday tour as well an inquisitive mood to study the rainforests of Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam.

He was the sole survivor.

As I was watched him speak, his nonchalant tone was betrayed by his lifeless glaze and the unconcious slur of words which usually hints of hopelessness, extreme disappointments or sadness.

Suddenly I felt a stirring, like an awakening as to why the tsunami is so deadly. Not in its path of physical destruction but by the unexpected merciless execution of the death penalty of family members, fellow friends and even close acquaintances. And most of these people were tourists who have probably signed their death warrants unknowingly up to 6 months beforehand. How appropriate, signing your own death warrant in the black and white format of a promise for fun and excitement 6 months before you realise what really awaits you.

I celebrated the countdown in a much more sombre mood.

As I accompanied some friends to Johore Bahru on yesterday night, I had a good tour of the nightlife of Johore Bahru. A friend had 'underground contacts' who became our tour guide for the night of 31st December.

In a nutshell, it is not the faint-hearted.

Temptations of vice, pills and robberies awaits you at almost every dark corner or alley. Even certain really popular discotheques are built in the midst of a half-destroyed building. People of gothic dressing or gangsters parade the rubble like a scene ripped from some horror gangster flick.

Suddenly I realise what a much more wonderful place Singapore is.

No that would not mean I have become more patriotic.

But it opened my windows of the soul which previously became choked with ashes accumulated from jaded experiences relating to work and personal matters.

So now I declare to all my friends who are still struggling with their daily troubles and little gritty details that plague and irritate them - Carpe Diem - From the ashes a rebirth.

Happy New Year Everyone. Enjoy this next 365 days.

Musings

2004-12-30T17:03:00.000+08:00

Sincere apologies to some of my friends who wondered why I have not updated my posts for some time and to others who did not receive any Christmas well-wishes from me a deep bow of apology as well. Been really really packed with dance matters and my workload because my workload @ the office really reaches an insane level from the months of December till March/April.

Just to keep you fellas updated, I have recently joined a dance group mainly specialising in lyrical jazz but through the trainer [or Artistic Director] I actually learnt the basics of latin, salsa, cha-cha, rumba, jive and rock & roll in the process. Now I'm really beginning to feel rather afraid because the sudden boom of knowledge about the world of dance is so huge it is impossible to even sit down and start to wonder where you should start.

Just a little note - I'm typing this post as I recall my thoughts so do not expect any chronological order or sequence.

Been practising for an upcoming concert in Mid-Feb @ the University Cultural Centre. Lots of co-ordination, meetings, practises, conditioning and stretching. Basically I've been spending almost the whole past 2 weeks @ different studios for trainings and rehearsals. Battling flu in the process and nursing a slight cough as well, I just hope I'll be well enough for Brandon's party on friday night.

Watched a slew of movies recently - well apparently I hang out with the dance group after practises as well [they're more like a big family which is very appealing to me and I am very glad that they have been willing to accept me as part of their family].

Once I asked the AD why he would ask me to be part of the group - He simply shrugged his shoulders and replied nonchalantly,"I notice people for their fiery passion and their willingness to push themselves beyond their normal limits. I'm not looking for what you can offer me, I'm looking for people who can constantly surprise me."

Christmas has not been exactly meaningful for me because the gathering was so "chereographed" it simply looked like an mass assemble of dancers twirling their way around each other with faces downcast in a demure manner. The occasional smile pops up every now and then but no conversations. Perhaps it was simply due to my plastic expression that shouts,"Hi! I'm pleased to meet you! Now leave me alone."

Right - about the movies I've watched. Kungfu Hustle by Stephen Chow! It was nonsensical [or mo lei tou as a direct translation from cantonese] and absolutely exaggerated with some spoofs from the Matrix Trilogy.

But I enjoyed it.

Blogs and newspapers have been rife with reports about the Tsunami disaster. My mobile has almost exploded from the surge of relaying short messages about the available relief centres for rendering donations. While I am glad that I have such caring friends who would not hesitate to offer an extra helping hand, I cannot share in their sentiments for I am feeling somehow detached from all these.

A sudden random recollection that I have read from a short story written by Ms Beautifuk. In her story a part of it which I recall is about people being forced to unite under critical situations. Is this the kind of situation she was referring to? That it takes disasters to unite people? Translate this situation from an alternate perspective and we can actually believe that harmony actually divides people. People who get too contented with everything becomes selfish and when conflict of interests occurs people get divided. How ironic.

And lest you people think Singaporeans are selfish by nature - despite all the charity shows and projects milking Singaporeans for all they are worth - this would surprise you.

You know what amuses me at times? The fact that we are so willingly to contribute money to the charity shows and projects and people all around are ranting and raving about how they do not have money for this and that. Here's a little trivia for you - For every $5 you contribute to a XXX Charity Show, $2 goes to the respective Agency or Corporation hosting the event and $1 goes to other foreign entertainers recruited for the glitzy event. Only $2 thus is actually contributed to the actual Charity cause which I'm still not sure how is taken from the actual staff running the Charity Organisation. Think you're really donating a lot to the needy people? Why dont you save a portion of it and donate the rest directly to the needy by getting them food vouchers and some small gifts. Oh, volunteer your services for their daily needs at times. I'm sure that goes a long long way.

Just don't come to me and tell me you're doing good for the society because you have donated a substantial amount of money. I'll bite your head off.

Flu is getting worse, losing my voice. My clients are not being totally understanding either.

Ah well, back to work.

Anger Management

2004-12-23T09:44:00.000+08:00

What is Anger?

Ever wondered what it feels like to be letting your anger loose? According to Diane Schilling* Repressing anger - keeping it bottled up inside - can cause headaches, back pain, nausea, or other symptoms. However, using 'letting it out' theory as a licence to get angry is just as dangerous and lead to repercussions like Coronary Heart Disease and sudden death.

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

*Dianne Schilling is a San Diego-based writer, editor and instructional designer who specializes in the development of educational publications and customized training programs for business and industry. She is a founding partner in womensmedia.com.

Is it due to Hormones?

Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam,1995) reasons that threats to life, security, and self-esteem trigger a two-part limbic surge: First, hormones called catecholamines are released, generating a rush of energy that lasts for minutes. Second, an adrenocortical arousal is created that can put you on edge and keep you there for hours, sometimes days. This explains why you are more likely to erupt in anger over something relatively innocuous if the incident is preceded by an earlier upsetting experience. Though the two events may be completely unrelated, the anger generated by the second incident builds on the anger left over from the first.

It means people who can't 'let go' of the anger generated from an earlier incident is more likely to erupt over any incident - even small ones - happening at a later stage.

On an additional note, genes can play a small factor of influence where babies can be born more easily irritable than others and these signs are usually present from a very early age.

What about social culture?

Certain tribal cultures advocate anger not necessarily as a form of behavior but rather as a tool for survival. Ironically, a competitive society is more prone to encouraging subconcious forms of anger even despite literature and music being prominent forms of culture. Subconsiously, angry people demand things. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires.

For your information - Singapore is a very competitive society, derive your own conclusions.

What types of angry people are there?

The Sulker
They pout, refuse to speak & lock themselves in their office. Everyone wastes time and energy tiptoeing around them until they snap out of it. They expect colleagues to pamper their wounded egos and coax them back into a cheerful mood. The problem is that employees get tired of this game and end up viewing the them as a little kid who doesn't deserve their respect.

The Bully
He will embarrass you in public and then accuse you of having thin skin. If you tick him/her off, he/she will punish you with a nasty project or a poor review. These intimidation tactics work on some people but not for long.

The Victim
"How could my colleagues be so ungrateful after everything I’ve done for them? After all, I bought them all turkeys for Christmas, made them coffee when they ask…" This colelague expects rewards and praises because of the "sacrifices" he or she makes for them. The problem is that they attempt to manipulate with motherly guilt and it usually backfires. Following that they might revert to either The Bully or The Sulker[see above]

The Screamer
As the curses fly and doors slam, employees scurry to their cubicles and duck out of sight. Once the dust settles, the Screamer feels much better but unfortunately, everyone else feels worse. These stress carriers pass their stress on to others in ways they would never do to their bosses. "Oh, I just lose my cool," they explain. "It’s no big deal." The problem is that it is a big deal and it has a nasty physiological and psychological affect on everyone around them.

The Sarcastic Stabber
As the tension mounts, the barbs get nastier. Stomachs twist and everyone wants to slink under the desk when the sarcasm starts flying. These insults can be faster than a speeding bullet and just as deadly. The problem is that no one wants to make a mistake that will put him or her in the line of fire. So, rather than improve mistakes, people get so nervous they tend to make more of them…or hide them from view and hope for the best.

The Hulk
When this guy gets mad you’d better duck. Papers fly, waste baskets are kicked across the room and fists are slammed on the table. Not only is this scary behavior, it’s counterproductive. No one can think straight for hours and, rational or not, people will fear that this temper could be turned on them. No one will remember what he was angry about, but they surely will remember the vivid visual display for months to come.

The Blamer
They think the only solution to a problem is to hunt down the guilty party and make sure they never do it again. The problem is that blame is a misguided notion. People don’t get up in the morning and say, "I think I’ll make a couple of mistakes today." Mistakes are usually caused by lack of information coupled with good intentions. Blame achieves nothing except to damper the person with the good intentions making them thinks twice about wanting to do similar actions in future.

What are some ways to handle anger then?

Joan Lloyd` uses a theory called the duck paddle. Even when you’re paddling like hell underneath, you need to stay unruffled on the surface. Focus on the problem and direct your energy toward a solution. Take out your anger at the gym, not on those around you. On a personal note, I channel my stress accumulated at work as energy to dance away at my studio. Trust me, it works wonders.

`Joan Lloyd's firm, Joan Lloyd & Associates, specializes in leadership development, organizational change and teambuilding. This includes executive coaching, 360-degree feedback processes, customized leadership training, conflict resolution between teams or individuals, internal consulting skills training for HR professionals and retreat facilitation.

Joan Lloyd has earned her C.S.P. (Certified Speaking Professional) designation from the National Speakers Association and speaks to corporate audiences, as well as trade & professional associations across the country. She is also the author of The Career Decisions Planner -- When to Move, When to Stay, When to Go Out on Your Own (John Wiley & Sons, New York), and many other booklets and audio and video programs now in use by some of the best-known companies in America.

Relaxation

The American Psychological Association credits simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, to help calm angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Communication Restructing

Anger usually involves negative forms of expression so you can actually learn to use more positive words like "I'll give it a try" instead of just saying "No I don't think I can do this." Angry people are especially prone to exaggerated and over dramatic gestures or thoughts so it is important to either give yourself 10-15 seconds to stop still and rationalise or seek another person who can use a neutral perspective to rationalise things out as well.

Laughter is the best medicine

Humour can be a very effective way to defuse building amounts of anger. A colleague of mine once tried this method - When she feels angry she goes to the skating rink near her residence and simply giggles at people attempting to skate. Now this is may not be the best method but simply staying there for about 20 minutes either giggling at people who are new to skating or even admiring the graceful skaters helped her to rationalise better. Not sure if the cold temperature helped though.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. For myself, when the stress at work gets unbearable at times I simply take a very light lunch of salad and fruits and get a short nap of 40-50 minutes instead. Then awaken to wash my face throughly, it helps as well.

One last note - Anger can never be eliminated but it can be tackled and controlled within your own limits. Often we get angry for causes we want to feel justified about but we often neglect the purpose we start out to accomplish in the first place. Anger often replaces irrational thoughts with rational ones namely impatience, stubborness and impulsiveness/recklessness. If the problem is in your face directly just take one or two steps back to look at how high the wall is. If it beyond your jumping height then seek help like look for a chair to stand on or even see if there's some way to go around the wall instead of just attempting to climb right over it.

Confessions

2004-12-21T09:51:00.000+08:00

Be warned - long post.

Did a little shopping yesterday evening which I believed I should stop myself very soon. The amount of shopping I'm doing this Christmas is horrifying me, yes I'm becoming a victim of commodity fetishism [See my previous post].

Just as a summary I recollect what items I have bought so far:
1. A pair of red Addidas track pants [newest arrival]
2. An Addidas white T-shirt [Yes I'm an Addidas fan]
3. A black sleeveless T-shirt with orange stripes at the side.
4. A new pair of vintage Addidas canvas shoes [metal superstar model]
5. A long sleeve round-neck Addias T-shirt with a hood
6. A Navy Blue Addidas Sweat Shirt [See what I mean about me being a fan?]
7. A new bag which I have no idea what brand it's called.
8. A new pair of jazz sneakers.
9. A new solid dark-grey working class shirt.
10. A new pair of beach slippers [veryyy comfortable]
11. A 2nd hand slim Creative MP3 Player
12. A new set of retractable headphones to go along with the MP3 Player.
13. A new T-shirt [red with white sleeves.. kinda National Day style]
14. A box of Christmas Cards [18 cards]

I shall not delve into detail what I plan to give to my family, I shall however think carefully about the purpose of the gift I'm giving to them, which in this case leaves me with only effectively 2 days to think and shop. Not a very comfortable timing I have given myself.

Last night after I did my final shopping for myself [I hope], I accompanied my parents to church for Penetential Services. During the church service the priest was reading the story of the prodigal son. Basically this wealthy businessman had 2 sons, the elder was hardworking and never asked the father for any reward. The younger son however was restless and wanted to see the world.

So he went to his father and took half the property. However, he fell to temptations and squandered it recklessly until he was forced to live with the pigs and share their feed. He was remorseful and went home to seek the father's forgiveness.

When he reached home, the father came out to welcome him. Not a single word of reproach but donned the finest robe on his shoulders; sandals on his feet and a ring on his finger. Even killed the prized calf to throw a feast.

The elder son, upon knowing about the festivity was so angry he stood outside the house and refused to be part of it. When the father came out to ask why he replied,"Father, all these years I have worked hard and never complained nor asked for anything. Yet you have never even gave me a goat for me to celebrate with my friends. This spendthrift squandered half your property away and now you killed his the prized calf to celebrate his homecoming?"

To this the father replied,"He was dead and now is alive, he was lost and now is found. Your brother has come home."

The priest explained that sandals on the feet symbolised a free because slaves usually walked around bare-footed. The ring on the finger symbolised the status of an upper-class family and the robes around the shoulders symbolised the love and tender care that the father is bestowing on the son.

When it came to my turn for confession I simply told the priest," I am the prodigal son." Not surprisingly, the priest went silent for a while. Guess he was not expecting this answer.

He asked me,"Do you know what your obligations as a Catholic?"

I replied I didn't know. I told him that I pray alone, I do not like mass congregations praying together. He became even more baffled. At this point he seemed to become impatient and simply gave me some advice to find out about the obligations of a Catholic and blessed me.

I guessed even priests have schedules to meet. No matter, didn't make much difference anyway whether I really attended the services or not.

Which led me to a suddent interest - What was religion like before Christ? Sacrificial rites or just simple prayer rituals? Were there certain taboos observed? What was the hiearchy like?

Something new to discover, I should really study the Da Vinci Code in depth. It's time to put my faith to the test.

Commodity Fetishism

2004-12-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

Got a little tip from some comments offered via a young lady's blog. For lady clubbers you could have experienced some form of molestation in the past like some guy grinding himself against you on the dance floor or a quick slap on the butt as you walk past a certain crowd.

Here's the tip - When you walk, place one palm across the front of your chest and the other across your butt. The logic is if any closet perv tries something funny your hand will be the first thing he comes into contact with. Prevents the actual molestation in addition you get to identify the potential molester following which your friends can proceed to wallop the shit out of that bastard - with the bouncers' help of course.

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Yes once again it's the festive season of the year - for the major shoppers anyway. Christmas. Brings to mind fine dining, christmas shopping, parties and getaways. Sounds good?

Exactly the traps of Commodity Fetishism.

Commodity fetishism is a false impression of society said to arise in complex capitalist market systems. Layman terms - When you are living in a pretty advance free market country, you tend to use materials to 'measure' what makes the society.

Example - In Singapore, your worth tends to be measured in terms of the car you drive, the house you live in, the places you go for holidays, the food you eat and even the kind of company you work in. All these indicators are used for a specific measure, the measure of your spending power. The more spending power you possess the greater your influence and level of comforts.

Fine Dining [expense], Shopping [Expense], Parties [Expense], Getaways [Expense]. Do you see the link?

Now as a further clarification I do not object to people spending a little more on fine dining, but fine dining does not specifically mean posh restaurants and hotel dinings decked out in your latest Hugo Boss suits or Versace evening gown. Fine dining can simply mean settling down in a cosy place with the food that makes you comfortable and appetising. If you enter a posh restaurant but you're not sure how to enjoy the food, would that not be worth the experience? Of course, if your dinner partner is familiar with the dining venue or the staff perhaps some awkardness can be avoided. I dare to advocate that a dinner at some simple cafe would be just as nice provided that you and your dinner partner can be seated comfortably, dinner is served promptly with friendly staff and of course, constant interaction of conversation.

Shopping, parties, getaways.. why does the word advertisements come to mind? Promotions, discounts, clearance sales, warehouse sales, christmas special offers, exhibitions and so many more.

Now a little more explanation on Commodity Fetishism - In most subsequent Marxist thoughts, commodity fetishism is defined as an illusion arising from the central role that private property plays in capitalism's social processes. It is a central component of the dominant ideology in capitalist societies.

Layman's terms - The bigger your house, the more respect people tend to give. Are some of your people nodding your heads or smiling in a subconcious agreement? Of course some others would offer me the alternative of protests like "No! I would judge the person based on their character."

Hello, I'm talking about ideologies here. I-D-E-A-S. What is the first idea that forms in your mind when you look at the person's residential property? "Wow, damn this guy/gal must be pretty well-off." The Singapore Society has always been a paper chase for meritocracy, not surprised that materialism is often linked together.

Another main point I'm advocating here is the emphasis on the purpose of spending rather than the quality of spending. Advertisements scream the notion of "value for money!" into your face but they often fail to substantiate one simple notion - What is the purpose of you spending this amount of money?

Do you buy new clothes simply because they are on sale? That you would like to be decked out in new clothes to celebrate Christmas? That you have just received your year-end bonus and you would like to pamper yourself a little bit more? How about looking around you and wondering if any of your friends need that extra smile or helping hand? Before anyone starts groaning "Not another charity supporter" I must emphasise this point - I'm not asking you to donate to charity. I'm asking you to take a GOOD LOOK around yourself and see if any friends are feeling just a tad lonely for christmas and invite them for dinner or even just a simple coffee session. I'm asking you guys to promote the Good Cheer and friendship. Start with your family members and friends before you start giving all that necessary warmth to some stranger who might even have to fake a smile so that it would seem 'gracious' for your help offered. Offer your goodwill to the people around you first, at least I'm sure you people would have a better of what gifts or aid can mean much more to the people that you know rather than to some complete stranger who might not appreciate what you have done.

I'm almost sounding like a potential scrooge. So be it, if it makes the people around me happier.

Rage against Technology

2004-12-14T17:08:00.000+08:00

You have to admit the measures inititated by social scientists really amazes us at times, the following is an excerpt from an article [Link can be found on Page Title] which apparently helps us to resolve our frustrations in a more erm, economical way for this festive season.

Computer Rage - How Not To Destroy Your New High-Tech Gifts
By Neil Tickner
University of Maryland

To help keep these new gifts intact, Norman recommends that users find unconventional ways to let off some steam on old computer equipment, such as barbequing a computer mouse, cleaning a computer in a carwash or chopping a keyboard in half.

"When people sink three grand into a new plasma TV and something goes wrong, sometimes a killer instinct takes over," says Norman. "The anger may simply boil over when your spouse says, 'you spent all that money and now you can't get it to work?' That's when you've got to make sure people or the expensive equipment don't get hurt."

And to think we always called machines cruel and brutal and violent as well.

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Anyone watched Celebrity Death Match recently? It's been showing on Mondays and Tuesdays nights on Arts Central at 10pm.

The recent deathmatch featured Eddie Murphy vs Nick Nolte titled "Yet Another 48 Hours" which cracked me up quite a bit. Macaulay Culkin vs Haley Joel Osmont was good as well but Courtney Love vs David Grohl and erm.. cant remember the his partner.. That was truly gory enough to match the movie "Saw"

Violent Tendencies on my part? Nah.. I'll just crush an ant with my pinkie, that's the furthest I'll go.

Shamed

2004-12-13T09:12:00.000+08:00

Past few days of the previous week had been madness, it was like Synergy Dance Camp + work overloads + Friday Dinner & Dance preparations + Saturday Dance Auditions all rolled into one big mess.

Helped out some good friends for their Dance Camp and while I say it had been pretty tiring for me, the fun and learning experiences had been totally priceless. Within those few days [including the chereo theory workshop I attended] I learnt about the aspects of maximising 'space' allocated on the dance stage. I learnt about the fundamentals of jazz preparations, the posse, the pas de bouree, lots of french terms which I'm still pretty fuddled about. I learnt about the core elements of social dance and how it specialised into the modern ballroom dance it is today which most people tend to relate it simply to ballroom tango and involving old aunties and uncles waltzing to slow music. Latin, Cuban, Salsa and Latin Cha-Cha are all ballroom dances as well or social dances to more exact.

A little note - Why it is considered social is because the steps are not funky or highly-charged energetic steps like Hiphop or Street Jazz but simply fast-paced turns and hip variations. And a lot of signal communcations. When I refer to signals they are hand and body signals, a simply flick of the hand on your partners can signal a turn, a push of on the flat of the palm can signal you're giving your partner room so you might be able to do a turn around her or she can twirl around you. Lots of signals to interpret within seconds so the "socialising" is extremely important. But for Hiphop and Street Jazz you can simply perform a one-man show or just co-ordinate movements as a group. Practise and self-styling is more important than actual socialising thats why such dances can be easily chereographed and practised as long as the group has sufficient time for lots of practise runs, despite group members not really liking each other. Not so for social dances.

Unconciously I began to devote lots of time into the Synergy Dance Camp and when I realised it was already Saturday and I had only slightly more than an hour to piece together the chereography I had created in between pockets of time during the Dance Camp. Together with the accumulation of factors like only 2 hours of sleep on Friday night, getting caught in the rain on my way to the audition, got the wrong address rushed to the correct address in the rain [again], half-drenched and cold and rushed through the registrations with only 10 minutes left, could not find a suitable spot to practise my chereography the last time, auditorium studio played the wrong song crashed together in a whirlwind of confusion and finally.. my nerves snapped. I froze during the initial stages of the chereography and my mind went completely blank. It was like an extremely horrible feeling where the the music played on and you stood there facing the judges' shock and puzzlement at you, for a dancer must never forget their own chereography. It's almost.... disgraceful.

What made it worse was the main judge was our very own HC [Uncle Pat] and he was very pissed off with me, all the attention and good expectations crashed when I screwed it up for my first formal audition. Words of criticisms with stinging truths and tips on how to prepare for a proper auditions only served to ehance the shame that was building up inside me. Felt like I had really disappointed him after the times he had helped to build up my style and sharpness and this mockery of a performance was what I could offer him in front of other judges. Was close to tearing after I left the auditiorium. Yes, I should have given more respect and priority to this auditiorium. So, if ever a next chance comes along, I wiLL make him proud.

Felt really really down so I dropped an SMS to some friends asking what they were doing at the moment. 'Eel' was the first to respond so I met up with her to accompany her to collect her tickets for a trip to Genting yesterday via some unknown company situated at Golden Mile Complex, the entire building and its tenants looked like a cut-out scene from any Shopping Centre in Thailand. Yes, sometimes just doing the simple can make you feel really happy. We simply met up for dinner, collected the travel tickets, chatted, walked and enjoyed the evening breeze but.. it was heavenly. We even talked about planning future group holiday trips with the rest of the group members if possible. And I'm looking forward to it already, not to mention we both discovered an interest in salsa and Latin after the dance camp.

Met up with Dan & Marie for some chill out in the later part of the night and we shared a bottle of red wine and chatted till late in a cafe with a beautiful lake view. Almost therapeutic.

Yes, I'm still relatively glad this weekend had ended on a better note. I just wish I could have 48 hours a day. So many things to do, so little time.

Passion of Life

2004-12-09T10:07:00.000+08:00

A young lady [presumably a freshie in terms of dance background] was practising pirouttes [turns] with us.

We were still in the initial stages of basic turns when the next thing I heard was *plop plop* sounds of soft substances falling onto the studio floor.

Yes indeed, our young lady has just puked.

The trainer was shocked momentarily because never in his life had he seen a dance trainee puked just from doing basic turns.

Never had I either.

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Current Physical Condition - 70 year old suffering from osteoarthritis or more commonly known as degenerative arthritis

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Read a blog from a lady named Grace Chow who is suffering from terminal illness termed chordoma tumour found at the base of her skull.

Background - Chordomas are tumors originating from embryonic remnants of the primitive notochord. Since chordomas lie in bone, they are usually extradural and induce bone destruction. [Paule Peretti, MD,Assistant Professor, Department of Neuroradiology, Timone Hospital of Marseilles, France]

Frequency - Chordomas are rare tumors with an estimated incidence of 0.51 cases per million. Even more rare for patients younger than 30 years. Grace was 29 when she was diagnosed with the disease.

Now I'm not going to delve too much into her condition, if you wish to know more about her you can get her book which is her legacy at her website.

What touched me was her courage in accepting death for what it is, please allow me to quote something from her blog,

"Learning to live should also mean that you learn to die,
that you assume absolute mortality as the basis,
and learn to accept it,
without expectation of salvation,
hope for recovery,
or delivery for yourself or for another.
The classical philosophical exhortation since Plato:
to philosophise is to learn to die"

Jacques Derrida - French Philosopher

What disturbed me though, is the fact that most people get inspired only when they are faced with major trials and tribulations.

Have we become so besotted with our mundane activities of work, wine & women [or weenie for women viewers, whatever] that nothing inspires the passion in our lives anymore?

Are we no different from the hibernation of six feet under?

Robin Williams once quoted 'Carpe Diem!' in the movie Dead Poets Society and that phrase has been so deeply imprinted in me that till today I live my life with a rentless passion that simply ignores the possible fatigue which plagues my constant whining body.

I would rather have the words "A man of passion whose demise lies determined by the level of fatigue which timed his final rest" inscribed onto my concrete epilogue.

I believe Grace was having the exact same thoughts.

But what determines the difference between a person of passion and one who simply lives through the day like there is no tomorrow? For what so numbs the mind that is capable of wondrous music that charms fairies, build airborne wonders and connects information via electronic signals that makes the world shrink in virtual distances?

Is it the repitition of exact movements? Is it the self-limiting perspective one stands by irregardless of the possible ecstacy one might experience? Or is it simply an extinguished flame of desire for all matters of knowledge - technical or academic otherwise?

Or is it simply a refusal to experience come what may for fear that with happiness, comes pain & suffering & society's refusal?

Grace was feeling lonely - not in the sense she was alone physically but in the sense she was experiencing a very rare medical condition and she felt so helpless in terms of guidance, emotional sharing and physical abilities.

Would you still carry on being passionate despite knowing you might face loneliness? That you could be alone in your cause? What sets the difference between original passion and blind fanaticism?

Please excuse while I take a nap. I am too, feeling very tired.

Anticipating Changes

2004-12-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

Got this story from my Big Boss [He's a philospher by nature so perhaps thats why I'm always impressed by his perspectives of Company Policies and Personnel Matters]

Winter is approaching so a geologist was asked to estimate how long it would take for the lake to be half frozen. He was told on the first day a small portion of the lake but on the second day the area frozen would always be twice the area of the first day. The estimated approximation was for the lake to be completely frozen within 60 days.

He estimated the lake would be half frozen on the 30th day.

He was wrong.

Come on now, tell the truth. How many of you thought of that day as the initial answer?

Ok, the real answer is on the 59th day. Can you understand the maths behind the logic? Take your time.

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Many times when we look at a situation we tend to apply what is known as "surface logic" into handling problems. A more common explanation is we offer solutions only when problems occurs or we offer solutions only based on the analysis of the problem alone.

But we have to anticipate what similar situations might be encountered and offer preventive measures as well.

I have just finished watching a Ch5 movie titled Evolution. It was crappy, the story was weak but the final scene did get me thinking. The General was offering the direct solution of using napalm explosions on the alien life form - incinerate the damn alien. David Duchnovy [the supposed hero of the story who's also a scientist] realised however by using fire however it would result in an acceleration of the evolution of the life form. The life form was held in limbo in outer space, only started evolving when it crashed onto earth. With the fire from the crash explosion initializing the starting catalyst for evolution so by using napalm it would actually ehance the evolution by unimaginable speed instead.

So the main point is - How many times have we been in the same situation as the General? So anxious to offer a 'direct solution' that we fail to see the consequences of our actions? We wanted to cut costs by restricting resources on everything but ended in staff being demoralised and productions level dropping, quality control level decreased and even distribution channels slowing down. Overall the Company actually fared much worse than the initial problem.

Sometimes in order to reach a sensible decision we should complement our bosses instead of just 'trying to be like them'

Case study - A secretary complained of her boss giving her "stress" every single day. He was full of vision but impulsive. He was a natural persuasive talker but lacked the patience to follow up on his decisions before moving on to a new decision. And the secretary while understanding his visions did not bother to advise the Boss on his lack of follow-ups resulting in the Boss often scolding her for not helping him to collate the list of business transactions done previously. The secretary however was stubborn and refused to change her ways as she feels that her initial jobscope did not specify such tasks which could have been easily done by any admin clerk thus resulting in two of them often at loggerheads.

Analysis - Obviously the two of them belong to the stubborn characters. While the Boss is an opportunist the secretary belongs to the category of "defensive by nature' perhaps. That would explain in the unwillingness of the secretary in doing all the 'little things' for her Boss.

Proposed solution - The secretary could have simply played the role of advisor. While the collating of transactions might not have been part of her jobscope, she could have raised the request of 'outsourcing' this responsibility to an admin clerk and request this admin clerk to report to her thus ensuring the request gets administered at the same giving the Boss a good impression that she understands the concept of delegation and shared effectiveness.

Possible Benefits - Documentation of the past transactions would enable a future analysis to be conducted as well for references should the Boss be unsure abt any other transactions. The Secretary should tap on this knowledge as an additional measure to understand the Boss better and perhaps even complement the Boss by reminding him about certain transactions which may have succeeded or even done better should he had been armed earlier with the past knowledge and experience he accumulated with previous clients.

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This had been a really really wonderful weekend, although extremely tiring. Continous training for Friday nites, Saturday mornings and afternoons and the whole of Sunday has resulted in me being more flexible, my techniques are polished to a higher level and I actually lost 3 kg over 2 days. Even Head Chereographer [HC] was slightly impressed by my sharpness of style shown in dance classes today, something I had not been able to achieve before. Hmmm.. I really should go for more conditioning classes. Definitely effective.

I'll be attending a one-day Dance Workshop this Wednesday - Conditioning, Theory of Chereography, Techniques and Fundamentals of Jazz. It's gonna start at 7am and ends at 11:30pm. I'll be damned.

House of Knowledge

2004-12-01T10:42:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered what you would do with your old books? Fret no more, this is the ultimate solution.

If you wish to view their complete gallery of photos just click on the title of my post, very ingenious indeed.

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Apparently there're quite a number of people in Canada who are very unhappy about President George Bush. Click here for the full story.

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Singapore is whipped up with media frenzy over Singapore Idol. Hurrah. I'll be heading down to school for my weekly lectures on Marketing Brands in Asia. I just hope that the lecturer does not take 'impromptu sick leave' and be spotted the next day on camera cheering amidst the crowd at the Singapore Indoor Stadium.

Oh Valen, if you happen to browse my blog - Do leave me your URL so I can link you up. Love to hear from you.

3 Minutes of Heat

2004-11-30T08:44:00.000+08:00

After a hiphop class, a young lady went up to the Chereographer [CG] and asked her "Do you think I'm suitable for hiphop?" CG was quizzled momentarily and furrowed her eyebrows.

CG: "Why do you think you're not suitable for hiphop?"
Lady: "Because I can't seem to get the steps."

CG: "But you've only been trying out classes for about 3 months!"
Lady: "What kind of dance do you think I'm suitable for?"

CG: "......"
Lady: "How long do you think I need to learn hiphop before I can become a teacher?"

CG: "????......................"

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Me: "Hey, havent seen you around the studio for a while."
Duck: "Nah, not planning to go back."

Me: "?? What happened? Everything Ok?"
Duck: "Yeah, everything's fine. I just lost interest that's all."

Me: "Huh? But you've been with us for only about a year!"
Duck: "Aiyah... lazy to wake up on Sundays mah.."

Me: "....................."

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Hiphop is the current rave now that is true but with the massive marketing of something as a commercial product what you would get as response is a massive wave of 'short-term' interested learners who are more curious than genuinely interested.

However, commercially-interested people do not tend to have long-term interests in a commercial product. Take for example, music. Let's start with the basics. Oldies and classical music would have longer beats than pop or modern ballads. The beats have been compressed from 6 or even some with 8 beats to just 4 beats for almost every song now. The playtime of songs have also been reduced from 8-10 minutes to just 3-4 minutes. This subconciously constitutes a shorter attention span and thus when people grow up being infused continously with such culture their attention span does not remain constant for long before it starts to wander.

With a shorter attention span usually results in impatience, to what level it varies with a individual's character. Upbringing and family background does affect to some level and the character development through the personal encounters are paramount to the final outcome.

This means to say, if a child has been brought up with classical music and mind concentration games as childhood the possibility of the child cultivating a patient character is higher than in comparson to a child who has continously strived only for academic excellence while playing fast-paced sports, listening to techno soundtracks and being constantly on the move i.e. not having a fixed home to go to. Some children go to the grandmother's house every 1-2 days thus there is no fixed focus for the child on where to decide after they finish school.

Perhaps some would bring the classic example of PC games or gaming devices like X Box and PlayStation 2 [PS2] which declares,"My son played with his X Box for like 8 hours! Do you not call that concentration?" I would not deny that to play on a gaming console for 8 hours straight requires massive amounts of concentration but to be more precise I'm talking about character skills not gaming skills. That is addiction, obsession not patience. Take the X Box away and put the child under a puzzle game then monitor if he/she can show just as much focus on solving the puzzle than compared to playing X Box. Put the child sitting down waiting for a bus for 20 minutes and see if he/she does not grumble/complain and make hell of a fuss.

Over the past 19 months that I have trained with about 4 different studios for dance [mainly just hiphop and jazz] I have observed different groups of people come and go. In comparison, jazz still commands a more regular group than hiphop. The music that is played perhaps gave a certain level of influence as well. To dance Jazz well you must be flexible, for certain body movements requires display of strength with ease which must go hand-in-hand with flexible muscles. All the more important for Guy Jazz dancers as their movements must combine strength with grace.

Hiphop can be considered as 'short bursts of energy' and more on 'feel' therefore it does not place as heavy an emphasis on techniques as compared to ballet or jazz. However one fundamental principle stands - to dance well you must practise a lot. Dance like most sports is not really about talent but endless hours of hard work, sweat and practises. Talent only reduces the amount of effort you need to make it work well but it does not mean you can "dance well" in within a short period even with talent. When I'm talking about short period I'm talking about 1-2 years, I still do not consider myself a dancer despite the intensive training and practises I subject myself to because the fact is - I'm still not good enough.

I was appalled though when I heard the young lady conversing with CG, the stark immaturity of her thoughts only fuelled my conviction that there're probably thousands of people out there who "following the trend" wants to be "in with the crowd" but perhaps less than half of the people can appreciate the dance for what it really signifies. And I am not ashamed to say hiphop's history is just as significant in evolving the dance into what it today alongside with Tap, Lindy Hop, Salsa, Jazz and even Ballet.

To be able to freestyle to a complete music track would be something I achieve for someday, irregardless of whether it is hiphop or jazz. But as compared to my "seniors" who have been dancing for almost 10 years - I have a long way to go.

Meanwhile, to people who are interested to know about dance in general. It is perfectly normal to be interested due to curiosity. But have patience, for dance amongst other things, requires a huge amount of focus. Not to mention passion, before you can fully embark on a continous path of self-improvement.

"A Dance without attitude is a puppet without strings."

Do you have that 'attitude' of determination? Of passion? Of a need to establish your own style?

Hiphop

2004-11-26T10:09:00.000+08:00

Right, to you guys who had been asking me about what I know about hiphop here's the summary I promised -

History of Hiphop

Hip Hop in the beginning started out as a form of expression which was a reaction to economic, social and political conditions. In the mid 70's almost all of the people participating and even going to the early parties were Black and Puerto Rican meaning 'Black'. The first break dancers were all Black and Puerto Rican. Zulu Nation was all Black and Puerto Rican.

There were many white deejays but they were mainly spinning disco. One of the main reasons why whites were not really introduced to the culture was due to social tension. In the Soundview and South Bronx section of the Bronx where early Hip Hop took birth, one did not venture North of Zerega Avenue. That was the dividing line. It was near Castle Hill projects. To do so was to ask for major trouble. You didn't venture into places like Throgs Neck, Pelham Bay, Country Club Road, certain parts of Riverdale [West Bronx] and Van Cortland Park, and certain parts of Moshulu Parkway. Except for the mostly Black and Puerto Rican housing projects found in those areas there was no Hip Hop going on. There was no intermingling of the races.

Back in the late '70s hardly any young people owned or drove cars. First the driving age in New York City was 18 and having a car was more of a liability then a convenience. That meant public transportation was the way to go. You probably won't see a white kid was getting on a train going through Harlem into the notorious crime ridden South bronx, getting off late at night and walking to one of the housing projects to attend a block party or a Hiphop Gig at a Community Center.

Evolution of Hiphop

Nowadays, the majority of people who create hiphop see it as a business and a tool for getting out the ghetto. The new concept being advocated to youths is - If you act 'ill' or foul enough or play up your oppression and pathological conditions you may find yourself being purchased by zealous white kids who like to live vicariously through your songs.

Follow the formula and these youths may find themselves reviewed in white owned hiphop magazines and shown on white owned video shows and played by white DJs on hip hop radio shows across the country.

Whites didn't get into Hiphop until around 1980 or 1981 when groups like Afrika Bambaataa started performing at clubs like The Roxy. The whites who did get down were from the punk rock community. These were kids who were expressing themselves musically as a way to be seen and heard. There was that similarity between them and the early Hip Hoppers.

These punk rockers were the ones who were most open to this new form of Black expression. They were marginalized by mainstream society like their African American counterparts. Now if we really want to take all this a step further we can look at the impact that London had on American punk rockers. If we do go and check things out we will find that much of Punk Rock's cultural and musical expressions are rooted in the Black/African expression of the people who lived in London.

In other words, I can speak French, write French, have my own slang, cook French delicacies but in the end of the day I would not consider myself French or attempt to insert myself into the French History. So when I mean I'm dancing hiphop doesn't have to mean I have to act 'ill' or consider myself as a'Hiphopper' but I'm basically expressing a lot of respect for the culture. Think about the Brazilian Capoeira, their martial arts was incorporated with dance moves to disguise the fact that they were secretly training from their oppressor's knowledge. But over the years it became institutionalised with their culture and their way of expressing their freedom. Similarly hiphop is actually the pioneer's way of expressing their injustice and how their culture was evolved from the streets - not as a form of propanganda in encouraging youths to commit crime and be seen as 'bad' so that they can be considered as 'hiphop' culture.

Elements of Hiphop

The main elements of Hiphop are mainly Breakin' [Break-dancing], Emceein [Rap], Graf Artists [Hiphop Graffiti] and Turntabling [DJ Mixing]. The above elements listed are found under Ol' Skool. New Skool [or so it is called] has evolved slightly for Breakin' being called simply listed as "Dance" because it is no longer just Breakdancing but it involved Dance Funk [mixture of Jazz & Hiphop elements also which I'm doin now], Lock & Poppin and the traditional Breakdancing. However a light difference between Ol' Skool Funk and New Skool Dance Funk is traditional funk emphaises mainly on the floorwork and techniques and the 'Feel' while Dance Funk emphasises much more in terms of turns, flips, floorwork, chereography, techniques and of course still 'Feel' as well. You can try to spot the difference for example by looking at Ol' Skool whose main emphasis is on the shoulders while Dance Funk is attempting to co-ordinate all different body movements within one rhythm.

References -

For Ol Skool, the best movie to watch would be Flashdance. Take note of their dance for the song "Manhunt" as those moves are classically Ol' Skool. For Dance Funk is of course the recent hot movies "Honey" and "You Got Served" where their moves have undergone modification from Usher, Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson as well. While we still see some Ol' Skool scenes from both movies, chereography on the whole has been brought to a new level in terms of style and techniques.

*Whew*

I hope this post has been detailed enough yet without making it sound too long-winded. Till then, I'll seeya guys around.

Marriage

2004-11-25T10:10:00.000+08:00

I was walking out of the train and approaching the EZ-Link exit when this lady stepped in front of me. I was still pretty ok with that until she froze right before the exit with her card already in her hand and frozen in mid-air, making me wonder if she had just suffered some paralysis problem.

She was engrossed at looking at the man beside her.

He was having difficulty getting his card out from his pocket and she was simply engrossed in watching him having difficulty. No help offered, just staring away like it's come entertaining freak show. Not to mention she's standing right before the EZ-Link exit effectively blocking everyone else from going past with her blob size body.

And I was patient enough to permit her to finish watching her freak show which didn't take too long[thank god] for someone behind him offered to hold his heavy luggage bag while he freed both his hands to fish for his card.

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Just another story I have encountered.

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago. We had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.

Dew came into my life. My heart was immersed in her strong love. Dew said, "You are the kind of man who draws girls' attention. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

At that moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mention it, she would be deeply hurt. She was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner while I would sit in front of the TV. But as I lounged before the TV, I would be visualizing Dew's body.

One day I said to her in a joking way, "Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds speechless. Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand and said,"I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.

"I want a divorce." I said calmly

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?". I avoided her eyes. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!" and fled into the room sobbing.

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping softly. I know she wants to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

I drafted a divorce agreement which states that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger soon. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found that she had brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage broken.

Then asked me,"Do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember. I carried you in my arms."

She continued, "So, I have a requirement. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since almost 4 years ago. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there." On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my bride in my arms. The visualization of Dew became less distinct.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me some things such as where she put the ironed shirts & I should be careful while cooking etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. I smiled but I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I into the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision.

I arrived at Dew's apartment. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You have no fever." She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew. I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. I wanted a divorce not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

Perhaps my parents can take a lesson or two from this story.

New Layout [Again]

2004-11-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

I have decided to change my layout to one of simple nature. Had a conversation with a friend last Sunday and I was questioning myself why do people like to complicate matters. Is it in people's nature to over-think & over-question? Being critical is good for it brings out fresh perspectives that would complete the missing piece in the overall picture. However, it gets out of control when people cannot understand the whole picture when it is presented to them and start to assume that there are missing pieces when there's none. They delve deeper and deeper attempting to looking for a missing piece.

They start to pick on the picture, saying it lacks a certain colour. Shades ought to be stronger, the lines are not defined enough. How many times have we come across situations where everything is a blur of grey but we still seek to define only black and white & when we are not able to we get frustrated and put the blame on the situation?

Is it an unwillingness to acknowledge their flawed perspective? Or is it simply a strong need to prove that their viewpoint stands despite the glaring difference? Postmodernists [though these people would never exactly label themselves as one] like Micheal Focault & Lyotard would probably say,"It's all subjective." For if you believe that Hitler is a nice guy then he is a nice guy despite all the atrocities he has commmited. Ponder, does a serial whore killer cum loving father of a mentally retarded daughter contradict? And how would we usually base our judgements? Upon what kind of information we receive firsthand? Take for example, Hitler has been portrayed as a Dictator. Someone responsible for horrifying massacres during World War II? Then take note of this - Hitler appealed to the masses for the promise of economic growth. He was against unemployment and he was a vegetarian. Incidentally he also loved animals and he can paint and write music. Take these points into consideration and would he come across as someone totally different from his assumed "bloodthirsty" status?

A recent film called The Motorcycle Diaries portrays a similar cult figure called Ernesto Che Guevara as a social revolutionary who died somewhere in the jungles of Bolivia and never made a penny for himself. Sounds noble a.k.a. Robin Hood? However if one actually read through his diaries he seems to portray anyone who lives in comfort is necessarily cold-hearted, selfish, and unwelcoming, while anyone poor is—ex officio, as it were —generous, selfless and hospitable. He obviously has an agenda against the wealthy probably due to the living conditions of South America, do we judge him then as someone who rebels for the cause of good or for his own personal agenda?

Something more local perhaps - Huang Na [I detest this subject actually] which I flipped the papers and saw an article today talking about Huang Na's father being an illegal immigrant in 1999 and the mother who overstayed her social visa. And how the little girl was left to fend for herself while the mother was in China. Question - What was the purpose of this article? To bring the mother to heaven then condemn her to hell? Why the merciful status in the first place? To receive public consolation then to be stoned by the same public? Does the media now take people's personal lives as journalism jokes?

Critical Views are needed. Not for being critical about people, not to over-think on issues but to simply ensure there are both sides of views covered in any issue. Tip? Always half-believe what you hear or see and expect more to be uncovered. At the same time, delve not into personal bias but on the situation as a whole.

Ken's Birthday

2004-11-22T16:22:00.000+08:00

It was a relatively simple affair. Dinner at Esplanade's California Deli followed by round the island photo-tour. I could have sworn we behaved just like tourists, gaping at every big building and wow-ing away. With the exception of attempting to hijack a road sign of valuair along the main road of Supreme Court, the photography session went smoothly and left us all feeling just dead-beat when we reached our final destination - Raffles City.

Now, allow me a short introduction of the main attraction of that evening. Din's main course which was called Surf n' Turf.

Looked just as fine as any French Cuisine.

Been really busy with friends' birthdays [they seem to come all at one shot] and my office will soon be having our 'seasonal peak period' workload. Sigh, 5 months of constant slogging. In between I'll be preparing for my May examinations and dance training possibly performances/competitions as well.

Man of Steel, here I come.

P.S. You guys can check out my photo blog [under Photo Gallery] for updates.

Mad about Frank Sinatra

2004-11-18T10:51:00.000+08:00

A confession - I have been 'swooned' [as one of the ladies 'Jelly' from my jazz class has termed my recent state of emotions] by Frank Sinatra. Oh, mind you it has nothing to do with the recent Westlife album - Allow us to be Frank. This is, definitely, an influence from listening to Broadway songs being played whenever I'm in the dance studio. For your information, they have a Lindy Hop Performance Team so most of them are pretty crazy about Broadway music and I must admit that Frank Sinatra has a very very magnetic charm to his voice.

Currently this song - The Way You Look Tonight - has been playing over and over in my head. Again, and again. Yes, I'm swooned.. though I've always been under the impression that only ladies get 'swooned' so...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lovely, just... lovely. *Does a little ballroom dance turn witn imaginary partner*

Update - I just checked out the CD Shop [Sembawang Music Centre] underneath my workplace and whaddya know? The Westlife album is sold out!! Within 2 weeks!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frank Sinatra ~ 12 December 1915 till 14 May 1998

*News Trivia* He made an appearance on "Larry King Live" just the day before on 13th May 1998 as himself before he passed away the very next day.

*Sigh* Tapdance Chereographer says she will find his "Greatest Hits Collection Volume 1 & 2" for me, felt like I could just crushed her in a bear hug right there and then.

For your information, some of the songs that I really liked amidst his
tracks include -

The Lady is a Tramp
New York New York
My Way [Definitely a Classic!]
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas [You should really hear him on this track]

and quite a few others as well. So put on your dancing shoes ladies and gentleman, coz Broadway starts tonight[quote - "Broadway by Goo Goo Dolls"].

Paranormal & Pixar

2004-11-16T09:23:00.000+08:00

Two films I have watched recently - Shutter and The Incredibles.

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Shutter is a horror flick about a photographer who starts seeing a ghostly face in the pictures he takes for his friends. Upon further investigation, he realises it belongs to a girl whom he knew some years ago. Things begin to get out of hand when his friends around him start dying and he must solve the mystery of this malicious presence before he becomes the next target. I have also provided a link to the official movie website, just click on the picture. It's all in Thai though, but check out some of the pics for a little spook as well.

Ever turned around and sometimes feel that there's someone behind you? Or felt a little brush across the shoulder but there's no wind? This movie's biggest strength is the ability to enable constant creepy feelings rising up your spine. It's the acknowledgement of the presence that has always been around us yet at the same time we're afraid of this acknowledgement.

Many times our fears are more psychological than reality. Sightings and perhaps fleeting images are the most common reportings but actual harm done by these 'beings' remain extremely rare and mostly skeptical. In most reasons uncovered it was more of a case of retribution or karma as they termed it. "You reap what you sow" is the most famous quote used for these explanations.

By my definition, this movie is considered a classic version of a ghost story. There are hardly any bloody or gory scenes, just faded lightings and dark alleyways.

However, these scenes manifest some of our deepest fears. We fear dark alleyways, we fear vampires, we fear spiritual beings in our house and we fear graveyards/cemeteries. In summary, we fear the fact that we are powerless against something we cannot be sure of. Fear of the unknown combined with the knowledge of their power has transformed their status into something which is almost worshipped. Cults have been formed in attempts to harness their 'powers' and articles, websites and even encyclopedias have been published with extensive studies done on their histories.

I can perhaps attribute this fascination in similar capacity to UFOs. We are curious about the unknown and always seek relevant answers or explanations - in scientific terms. Think, the word Ectoplasm in parapsychology refers to the bio-energy given out by living things which makes possible the manifestations of ghosts or psychokinesis. Psychokinesis actually means 'energy of the mind' which also means - It's all in the mind. If you keep thinking you're going to see a ghost then perhaps you might actually see one because these beings are manifestations of the energy given out by our brain, conciously or subconciously. That probably explains why some people claim loudly they do not believe in ghosts but their subconcious is emitting a different kind of 'energy' which is actually asking any ghosts to come and prove to the person that they actually exist. Thus, they come. Or it could be an aggravation of the subconcious which tricks the brain into mistaking certain dark lighting angles as ghostly shadows.

Despite all the research done, many claims still remains debatable for they do not offer actual scientific proof based on experiments or timeline-based recording of actual events happening. Most of the claims were based on deductions from timing of certain events thereby arriving at a conclusion - based on faith, or fear.

Ghosts do exist - But around us? or within us?

The Incredibles is a family feel-good comedy & action-packed animation movie which basically tells the story of a family with superhuman powers but restricted to use them. When the father was kidnapped by a supervillian who's attempting to banish all superheroes, the family gears into action and sets out on a rescue mission that will test all of their powers' limits - and their family kinship. I definitely enjoyed every minute of the show, especially the part when they realised what the baby is capable of.

P.S. I kinda 'modified' all the different wallpapers and came up with this particular image myself using Microsoft Photo Editor. Pretty user-friendly I would say but I'm still trying to get my hands on a 'discounted' version of Adobe Photoshop.

Dances of the Orient

2004-11-12T13:41:00.000+08:00

A trip to the Kallang Theatre yesterday evening was a pleasant surprise as I treated to a visual feast of color splendor & impressive acrobatic-style dance techniques. Dancers whirled and twirled to fast-paced traditional chinese music while amazing the audience with their unbelieveable flexibility and grace.

Unfortunately I was not exactly amused by almost 3 complete rows of students behind me giggling and commenting away at the dancers. They were there to support their "teacher" who chereographed the dance. Just curious, what else could a dance chereographer teach at schools? By failing to appreciate the dance performance chereographed by your teacher, are you not delivering a big tight slap to your teacher in the face? And the behaviour they're displaying, such shame brought to the school.

When the teacher appeared after the performance several girls amongst the entire group acutally stood up and screamed. I almost jumped out of my seat in shock. In my mind I was just screaming bloody murder, like literally ripping up the very seat and bludgeoning them with it right away. At least I would salvage some grace for the school who had been shamed with girls coming to a classical dance performance and treating it like some schoolgirl's concert consisting of 5566 or Jolin Tsai.

*huFf*

Ah well, going easy on the heart. I'm positively I almost burst a vein and caused internal bleeding. Could have killed myself.

McDonaldization

2004-11-09T18:39:00.000+08:00

A disturbing piece of gossip I have heard recently -

The Security Guards of Mustafa Centre keep a very sharp lookout for shoplifters. Upon caught in the act, they would not bring the guilty to the police immediately. Rather, they would provide an alternative to the shoplifter - Purchase double/triple the value of the product they stole or they would be handed to the police without question.

Why do the security guards do this? Apparently for every shoplifter who "purchased" the additional value the guards would receive a small amount of commission.

Therefore, the guards are motivated to keep the security tight for they know they would be rewarded directly. Like a direct sales commission. Secondly, the Shopping Centre would bring in more sales as a result and overall profit goes up. Thirdly, the shoplifters would be spared from Criminal Records. Fourthly, security would always be tight and vigilant. Fifthly, the police would not have to be troubled with "minor cases" and be able to concentrate on "bigger cases." Sounds ingenious?

BULLSHIT.

My head was screaming the issue of ethics.

Case Scenario -

Boy: Mum! I shoplifted today and I got caught!
Mum: *Holds hands to mouth in horror* God! What have you done?

Boy: It's ok Mum! I just have to purchase triple the value of the shoplifted product and they let me go scot-free.
Mum: Really? That's convenient! Guess money talks! Har har har!

Is this the message we would want to convey to the younger generation?

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An apology for the lapse in the updatings, just finished a book called "The McDonaldization of Society" by George Ritzer. Pretty heavy on the thought-provoking part so it took me some time to digest.

Peter Kollock, University of California [LA], was quoted as saying "..genuinely succeeds in communicating the sociological imagination.. and would serve as a wonderful catalyst for an extended discussion on rationalization, modernity and a number of related issues."

Very interesting insight on how we should be aware of the changes that are happening around us. This author - in a nutshell - uses the phenomenal success of McDonald's to illustrate on a larger scale what is happening to the younger generation.

Now when we say McDonald's, what do we think of? Fast Food? Convenience? Efficient? Mobility? Culture? Ambience?

He illustrated 4 key points - Efficiency, Calculability, Predictability and the replacement of human with nonhuman technology.

Efficiency - McDonald's staff would be very clear about what to serve you, all at the touch of buttons. Everything is computerised, from the menu sets to the timings of the food cooked and the drinks served. They even have a mini hour-glass to emphasise that. At the same time, the products are simplified. The work process becomes like an assembly line [put the bread, lay the meat, spread the sauce if any, put the top bread and wrap it up. Voila! Big Mac!]. Gasp! Did I mention we have to pour the coffee ourselves and tear the chilli/tomato sauce packets ourselves? Singapore's one of the few countries where we simply leave the trays after we leave but in the other countries people pour away the trash and leave the trays in a orderly fashion fashion after they leave. They were subsequently praised as "cultured people" which of course motivates them to carry on with what they are doing. Guess what? Employees are supposed to do this, they're being paid for it. Oh wait, McDonald's meagre wages is a common topic isn't it? Guess that explains the logic of the unwillingness of the staff and thus the burden falls to us - the customers. Efficiency? Sounds like exploitation - on both the employees and the consumers.

Calculability - Everything at McDonald's is measurable in terms of units, calories, prices and weight. No. of tables, chairs and even the weight of the food you consume. Do you think they're emphasising on health when they announce how many calories there are in their burgers? They're simply putting a tag of measurement on all their products so that there's accountability for each and every single product. Ponder on this, For every change you attempt to make to your set meals, you have to pay extra. If you want mayonnaise you have pay extra. Sooner or later if you want extra chilli or tomato you'll have to pay extra as well. Everything has been calculated to a T.

Predictability - When you think of McDonald's you would probably be able to recite the menu by heart. You would probably know where is the nearest McDonald's to your house and even when you travel overseas you would be sure you can find a McDonald's somewhere within the city. The moment you step in, you can repeat what the counter staff would say to you. But strangely, people go back to certain products because of predictability. The taste is the same, the menu is the same but these people are afraid that if they go to a different eating place they would not be able to 'predict' if they would be getting their money's worth. At least at McDonald's everything sounds reasonable.

Replacement of humans with nonhuman technology - The staff at McDonald's does not have to learn how to cook. They just have to know which buttons to push. Ever wondered how McDonald's was so successful in "re-training" seniors to do the job? That's because there aren't any skills learnt, just button-pushing procedures. In fact, they don't really need humans. Fast forward 10 years down the road and you'd probably have McDonald's ATM Kiosks where you simply push a couple of buttons, deposit your money and voila! Big Mac is served! "Would You like an upsize sir?" Push a button. "Would you like to try our newest McSpicy?" Push a button. Oh yes, you can even use your mobile to key in the respective codes and sms via infrared to the ATM Kiosk and you'll also get your food. And they would still taste the same.

A key issues he's addressing here is the advancement of the rationality in the culture of McDonald's. You can term McDonald's as being like a Bureaucracy. In a Bureaucracy, everything is standardised. Work processes are simplified and then specialised - like a production factory. The customers become standardised and have no complaints because everything is predictable and efficient. Emotions are kept to a minimum whenever necessary. There are rules and regulations and they are observed with strict punishments. Technology is the key factor, not the people.

Equate it down to the IT age and you get people who are getting used to "faceless communications" meaning they use emails, sms, mms, telephone, radio, IRC, MSN and chat forums to communicate themselves. When they are actually facing people they develop a subconcious fear/anger/confusion thus severely undermining their communication skills. They tend to become anti-social because they are not prepared to handle actual face-to-face emtions. Link it the rising number of social problem cases amongst youths and teenagers and you might just see the connection. It is not beneficial that the culture in our children is of a competitive nature which would only enhance their emotional frustrations. Some youths may just enter a chatroom via IRC and starts blasting everyone inside the chatroom but they need not fear any social repercussions or as what the olden days call it - getting your ass whopped. Combine these youths into a group and suddenly all you need is some strong personality to take over as leader and the rest will follow. If the leader advocates ideas of cultured mannerisms and wisdom, thank heavens. Sadly it's always more of the opposite case where violence, attempts to show feats of power and machoism are advocated.

People in control tend to further enhance their status or attempt to further consolidate their power positions. By using their power to enforce their authority, members are recruited via pressure tactics or fear factors. Sounds familiar? Street Corner Gangs. Explain their personality via the reasons above and you would have a vicious cycle of youths who are having problems communicating themselves properly due to pressure from the competitive environment in schools and amongst friends who tend to compare results, lack of available avenues for communicating their frustrations, the feeling of being in control of yourself when in power and there you have it - A youth delinquent.

Be aware of these changes my friends, McDonaldization is infusing into our culture. Rationality can breed irrationality when the rules and regulations becomes an end to the means instead of just being a means to and end.